Wife mar­ried to old swinger would like to push him out

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old woman, mar­ried for 50 years, and I hate my hus­band. He wants to go to swinger par­ties and toss me to other men. I tried it a cou­ple of times for him and hated it.

He is over­bear­ing and rude. We don’t have any friends where we live, so he seeks out new peo­ple. He doesn’t lis­ten to my beg­ging not to do this. His com­puter is full of porn and his thoughts are sin­ful, al­though he can’t per­form.

Ev­ery day I wish he were dead, but I feel guilty for these thoughts. Please tell me what to do. My life is un­bear­able. — PAST MY LIMIT IN OR­LANDO

DEAR PAST YOUR LIMIT: By now it should be ap­par­ent to you that you can’t change your hus­band. The only thing you can change is your­self. If you find the strength to do that, your cir­cum­stances will change. Be­cause you say your life is un­bear­able, stop bear­ing it. Talk to a lawyer and set your­self free.

DEAR ABBY: My 33-year-old son has men­tal prob­lems. He is mov­ing out to live with a guy he has been talking to on the in­ter­net and who has met him once.

His fa­ther and I are against it, not be­cause of their ho­mo­sex­u­al­ity but be­cause we are afraid it’s a danger­ous sit­u­a­tion. We have learned that the guy was ar­rested three years ago on three dif­fer­ent charges. He says he was cleared, but re­fuses any back­ground checks or fin­ger­print­ing for jobs and/or gov­ern­ment hous­ing.

When we tried to talk to our son and ex­plain the dan­gers, he be­came irate and blamed ev­ery­thing on us. He has no driver’s li­cense and has threat­ened to take off. He has also threat­ened sui­cide. We have asked him to con­sider talking to a psy­chi­a­trist, but he re­fuses. He does see a psy­chol­o­gist ev­ery three months, and he’s sup­posed to be on med­i­ca­tion, which he re­fuses to take. How can we deal with this? His psy­chol­o­gist won’t talk to us un­less my son gives the OK. — DES­PER­ATE WOR­RIED MOTHER

DEAR DES­PER­ATE: Be­cause your son is an adult, un­less he is a dan­ger to him­self or oth­ers, there is noth­ing you can do to pre­vent him from leav­ing. How­ever, you CAN write his psy­chol­o­gist a let­ter let­ting him/her know what is go­ing on and ad­dress your con­cerns. There is a chance your son might pay more at­ten­tion to what his ther­a­pist says than to you.

An or­ga­ni­za­tion that may be of help to you is The Na­tional Al­liance on Men­tal Ill­ness, ac­ces­si­ble at nami. org. It may be able to pro­vide you with the guid­ance and emo­tional sup­port you need.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 16, and I have a crush on a guy who is 23. We met in the gym he works at. He’s very shy and he didn’t make the first move, but now we flirt a lot. I don’t know what to think be­cause we met at his work, and he’s so much older than I am. What do you think about the sit­u­a­tion? If he kisses me, what should I think? If he doesn’t make a move, what should I do? — CON­FUSED IN CON­NECTI­CUT

DEAR CON­FUSED: My ad­vice is to for­get about it. If he kisses you, con­sider the con­se­quences if your par­ents found out what’s been go­ing on. It could cost this man his job. He may be very nice, but he is so much older and more ex­pe­ri­enced than you are that there could be crim­i­nal penal­ties and pos­si­bly jail time for him if he’s fool­ish enough to pur­sue you.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

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