Wife who es­caped abu­sive mar­riage must not go back

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN

DEAR ABBY: In the be­gin­ning of our mar­riage there was phys­i­cal abuse and mar­i­tal rape. I stayed any­way. Over the years we had two chil­dren. My hus­band, “Seth,” and I don’t com­mu­ni­cate be­cause he has re­fused to talk about any is­sues we have. Dur­ing the last few years, my youngest son has also be­come phys­i­cally abu­sive to me.

I tried to leave many times but failed un­til last De­cem­ber when, be­cause I had a heart at­tack, I fi­nally moved in with fam­ily. I did it for the sake of my health and my san­ity.

Seth now wants to talk about our is­sues. He sug­gested that I come back home. He has sev­eral med­i­cal prob­lems, so I was tak­ing care of all the house­hold chores and work­ing two jobs. My chil­dren will not help with the chores un­less I scream and yell for hours.

I no longer love my hus­band. He wants to ro­mance me and try to make me love him again. He is also very con­trol­ling. He feels I “owe” him a chance to prove that he loves me and can change. Am I wrong for leav­ing and let­ting go? I’m very con­fused. — LET­TING GO IN FLORIDA

DEAR LET­TING GO: You owe this man ab­so­lutely noth­ing! If you al­low Seth the chance to ro­mance you into com­ing back to take care of him, you will wind up ex­actly where you started.

Your son abuses you be­cause that is what he saw his fa­ther do­ing — and you al­lowed it. If you stand your ground now, it will show your son that abuse is not to be tol­er­ated. I hope you will teach him that les­son be­cause it is an im­por­tant one for him to learn.

DEAR ABBY: Four months ago my wife started wear­ing more makeup, per­fume and try­ing new things with her hair. It be­gan af­ter she was pro­moted to store man­ager. Re­cently, I found out that some­one has been flirt­ing with her. (She would never have told me on her own.)

Our sex life has de­creased more and more over the last few months. She barely speaks to me now and spends most of her time on Face­book. She re­fuses to dis­cuss our re­la­tion­ship, and I sus­pect she may be look­ing for some­one new or has al­ready found him.

I just don’t get it. I love her. We have been mar­ried for nine years. Please help me to un­der­stand. — FEEL­ING LONELY

DEAR FEEL­ING LONELY: Your wife may not want to dis­cuss your re­la­tion­ship, but some­times it’s the things peo­ple least want to talk about that most need to be. If you haven’t al­ready, tell your wife you have no­ticed the changes in her be­hav­ior and in your level of in­ti­macy, and you miss it. Tell her you love her and feel your mar­riage is threat­ened.

If she still doesn’t want to dis­cuss your re­la­tion­ship, tell her it’s time the two of you go see a mar­riage and fam­ily ther­a­pist to­gether. What you were told may be no more than a flir­ta­tion, but if it’s more than that, it’s bet­ter you know sooner rather than later. I hope your wife will agree, but if she doesn’t, then for your own sake, get some coun­sel­ing with­out her.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.