Wife in sex­less mar­riage is look­ing for a way out

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN ● Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.Dear­Abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. AN­DREWS MCMEEL SYN­DI­CA­TION

DEAR ABBY: I have been mar­ried for three years. We are both re­tired. Five months af­ter the wed­ding, my hus­band let me know that he wasn’t in­ter­ested in hav­ing sex any­more. We no longer share a bed­room. He’s over­weight, not in the best of health, and re­fuses to change his diet or ex­er­cise.

I feel like I am liv­ing with a very nice male friend. Other than the lack of af­fec­tion, he isn’t a bad per­son and he pays all the bills. I did state clearly to him be­fore we were mar­ried what I was look­ing for in a hus­band, and he agreed to ev­ery­thing I said. Al­though I am lonely, I would never cheat on him.

I have been think­ing about an exit plan. We pray ev­ery night and at­tend church to­gether. He re­fuses to con­sider any type of mar­riage coun­sel­ing. I’m not stressed, but I know I must get out of here. Any sug­ges­tions on how to save this mar­riage? — THE EXIT PLAN

DEAR EXIT: The an­swer to your ques­tion is no. You made clear to your hus­band that sex in a mar­riage was im­por­tant to you. You say he “agreed to ev­ery­thing.” Be­cause that was not the truth and you were mis­led, con­sult an at­tor­ney to find out if the mar­riage can be an­nulled.

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band and I have been mar­ried for 10 years. We are both in our 50s. Six months ago, I found him with nail pol­ish on his toes.

When I asked him about it, he ex­plained that it started in his 20s when a girl­friend painted his toes, and he liked it. He has been paint­ing his toes ever since. He said he doesn’t wear pol­ish all the time, but he does it for him­self and he likes how it looks. I asked if he was a cross-dresser, and he as­sured me he isn’t.

I’m not sure how I should feel about this. I’m writ­ing for opin­ions from you and oth­ers. I can’t turn to my friends be­cause I don’t want this to be­come small-town gos­sip. — PAINTED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR PAINTED: You asked for an opin­ion, so here’s mine. Frankly, I’m sur­prised it has taken you 10 years to no­tice this. Be­cause your hus­band en­joys paint­ing his toe­nails, look the other way and don’t ob­sess about it. We all have quirks, and what he’s do­ing is harm­less.

P.S. I have it on good au­thor­ity that he isn’t the only man who does it.

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