Woman who fled from love now re­grets her hasty re­treat

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN AN­DREWS MCMEEL SYN­DI­CA­TION

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago I met a won­der­ful per­son. I spent roughly three months with him in a bud­ding re­la­tion­ship. My is­sue is that one night he said those three lit­tle words, and I pan­icked and dis­ap­peared from his life. I know it was a hor­ri­ble and cow­ardly thing to do. I just didn’t know how to han­dle it other than ask him why and say­ing, “You can’t mean me, right?”

I have felt hor­ri­ble that I van­ished with­out any ex­pla­na­tion. I re­ally would like to apol­o­gize for my ac­tions and im­ma­tu­rity. He didn’t de­serve that type of treat­ment. I re­cently found his ad­dress and won­der if it would be all right to send an apol­ogy, or if it would be best not to open po­ten­tial wounds.

— DIS­AP­PEARED IN ILLI­NOIS

DEAR DIS­AP­PEARED: Be­cause you feel an apol­ogy and an ex­pla­na­tion are in or­der, I see no harm in of­fer­ing them. How­ever, be­fore you do, think this through. Is there more to this than a guilty con­science? Be­cause years have passed, you both may be at dif­fer­ent places in your lives than you were then. One or both of you may be mar­ried or in­volved with others. So be­fore you do this, be ab­so­lutely sure not only of your mo­ti­va­tions, but also of your ex­pec­ta­tions.

DEAR ABBY: I have re­cently had dis­cus­sions with friends and fam­ily about the best way to ex­press con­cern for some­one who is fac­ing ma­jor surgery. Some say they’d pre­fer hear­ing about others who have un­der­gone sim­i­lar pro­ce­dures suc­cess­fully. (But might that set ex­pec­ta­tions that can’t be met, since not all pro­ce­dures and phys­i­cal cir­cum­stances are the same?) Or is it best to keep com­ments gen­eral? For ex­am­ple: “You will be in my thoughts/prayers/heart,” or “I hope it goes even bet­ter than you hope it will.” What’s the most help­ful way to ex­press con­cern?

— SEN­SI­TIVE SUB­JECT

DEAR S.S.: Un­less the surgery is for some­thing life-threat­en­ing — in which case the thoughts, prayers and heart are nec­es­sary — keep the mes­sage up­beat and pos­i­tive. Ex­am­ple: “Is there any­thing I can do for you while you’re re­cu­per­at­ing?” And if the an­swer is no, say, “I’ll give you a call in a cou­ple of days to see how you’re do­ing, and we’ll visit when you’re up for com­pany.”

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.