Wife used to swing­ing free now feels one string at­tached


DEAR ABBY: My hus­band and I have been into swing­ing for 20 years. Ev­ery­thing has al­ways been “no strings at­tached.” I was with one man sev­eral times be­fore he mar­ried his cur­rent wife. She’s very re­li­gious, not into swing­ing and doesn’t know he is.

I’m so at­tracted to “Nick” that I dream about him and have met him out­side our mar­riages. I know it’s wrong, but

I can’t keep him out of my mind. My hus­band doesn’t know, and I know it would hurt him deeply. Should I tell

Nick, or quit writ­ing him on our swing­ing site? — DE­SPAIR DOWN SOUTH

DEAR DE­SPAIR: And what have you to gain by revealing your feel­ings? If you think it would make Nick leave his wife, for­get it. Be­cause you know it would hurt your hus­band — al­though I’m hav­ing trou­ble un­der­stand­ing why, be­cause you’re swingers — I rec­om­mend you re­frain from caus­ing him pain.

DEAR ABBY: My fam­ily has been put in a dif­fi­cult po­si­tion. Last year, a woman my brother had a one-night stand with be­came preg­nant. I have heard from more than one per­son that she’s known as the town tramp or “crazy.”

We’re sure she planned it be­cause he makes a good liv­ing and can sup­port the child fi­nan­cially, and she in­sisted on keep­ing the baby. My brother, God bless him, is do­ing what’s nec­es­sary, al­though hav­ing a child with a woman he has come to de­spise weighs heav­ily on him.

How should we, his fam­ily, han­dle this? At this point, I have no in­ter­est in lay­ing eyes on her or her baby, blood kin or not.

I feel no affin­ity for the child be­cause I know my brother didn’t want it. Maybe in time, I could find a way to know this child, but for now my anger pre­vents it. — LIVID SIS­TER IN TEXAS

DEAR LIVID: None of this is the fault of the baby. No one forced your brother to sleep with the “town tramp.” I re­spect him for liv­ing up to his re­spon­si­bil­i­ties to his child.

You have noth­ing to lose by be­ing kind to your nephew/niece and his/her mother. Frankly, it ap­pears she could use be­friend­ing, and in the years ahead that baby may need a sta­bi­liz­ing fe­male in­flu­ence.

DEAR ABBY: My new fa­ther-in-law al­ways greets me with a hug and a kiss on the mouth. I come from a fam­ily who doesn’t kiss on the lips, and I find it ex­tremely awk­ward. I’m not sure how to han­dle the sit­u­a­tion.

I don’t want to bring it up to him be­cause I’m afraid it would be of­fen­sive. I have men­tioned it to my hus­band, who kind of shrugged it off, say­ing his fa­ther is “old school.” I have started turn­ing my head when we greet so that he hits my cheek in­stead of my mouth. Please ad­vise me on how to deal with this. — TURN­ING A CHEEK IN MICHI­GAN

DEAR TURN­ING: I think you’re han­dling the sit­u­a­tion well. If your fa­ther-in-law asks why you’re turn­ing your head, all you have to do is smile and say you save kisses on the mouth for your hus­band.

P.S. I don’t know what “old school” your fa­ther-in-law at­tended, but I wouldn’t set foot on that cam­pus.

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