Man comes clean too late with truth about his STD


DEAR ABBY: I re­cently had sex. Af­ter­ward the man told me he had an STD. He then pro­ceeded to ex­plain why he told me af­ter in­stead of be­ing up­front with me. I’m para­noid about that kind of thing, and he knew it be­fore we be­came in­ti­mate.

Now I’m wor­ried I have it too, and I’m break­ing up with him be­cause of it. I feel he should’ve told me first and left the choice to me if I wanted to risk get­ting his STD or not. I’m an­gry and up­set. I don’t know how to go about talk­ing it out with him and main­tain the friend­ship be­tween his son and mine.

When is the right time to tell some­one you’ve got an STD? And how can I main­tain my kid’s friend­ship, be­cause he doesn’t have many friends? — PARA­NOID IN ARI­ZONA

DEAR “PARA­NOID”: You are not the least bit para­noid to be con­cerned that this man may have passed his STD along to you. What he did shows a dis­tinct lack of char­ac­ter. I agree the choice of whether to pur­sue a sex­ual re­la­tion­ship should have been made af­ter you were fully in­formed. If you haven’t told him that al­ready, you should, be­cause all of your feel­ings are jus­ti­fied.

If you feel you must con­tinue to have him in your life so your son can have his son for a friend, I sup­pose you can do that. But do it on a strictly pla­tonic ba­sis.

Your next step should be to con­sult your doc­tor and get your­self tested so you can get on meds if you need them.

DEAR ABBY: As an ag­ing adult, I have en­coun­tered a sit­u­a­tion for the first time that I’m sure will come up again. An ac­quain­tance has just passed away. It was some­one I didn’t know well. We would like to send a do­na­tion to honor the de­ceased. How­ever, the only or­ga­ni­za­tion men­tioned in the obit­u­ary is one we can­not sup­port. Should we ig­nore our be­liefs and honor the in­di­vid­ual, or is there some other way to honor the per­son while main­tain­ing (and fund­ing) our “side” of this is­sue? — FIRST-TIME DILEMMA

DEAR F.T.D.: You do not have to send a do­na­tion to the or­ga­ni­za­tion men­tioned in the an­nounce­ment. An­other way to honor the de­ceased would be to write a short note to the fam­ily ex­press­ing how much you ad­mired their loved one and of­fer­ing con­do­lences.

DEAR ABBY: I know some of your read­ers have mid­dle school, high school and/ or col­lege year­books — theirs or a rel­a­tive’s — they no longer want to keep. In­stead of throw­ing them away, I’d like to of­fer the fol­low­ing op­tions: (1) If the school still ex­ists, see if they want it; (2) ask if the school’s alumni as­so­ci­a­tion would like to have them; or (3) of­fer them to the lo­cal li­brary for its lo­cal his­tory sec­tion.

This will save space in the land­fills and al­low fu­ture gen­er­a­tions to know what the school was like be­fore they were born. — LARRY IN GRAND, TEXAS

DEAR LARRY: I’m not let­ting go of my year­books (mem­o­ries, mem­o­ries!), but those are good sug­ges­tions, and I’m sure some of my read­ers will ap­pre­ci­ate them. Thanks for writ­ing.

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