Class­mate won’t stop bul­ly­ing de­spite pleas from friend

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABIGAIL VAN BUREN

DEAR ABBY: I’m writ­ing be­cause I see a lot of bul­ly­ing go­ing on at school. One of the bul­lies is a friend of mine and I’ve asked her to stop, but she doesn’t lis­ten. How I can get through to her so she un­der­stands that she’s hurt­ing some­one’s feel­ings? She treats peo­ple like they don’t have feel­ings, like they are non­hu­man. If you can’t an­swer this let­ter, I’ll un­der­stand, but if you find the time, I would greatly ap­pre­ci­ate it. — NOT A BULLY IN IN­DI­ANA

DEAR NOT A BULLY: Peo­ple bully oth­ers for a va­ri­ety of rea­sons. Among them, be­cause they are an­gry and en­joy tak­ing it out on oth­ers, be­cause they them­selves have been bul­lied, be­cause it gives them a sense of power, or sim­ply be­cause they en­joy it. Not know­ing your “friend,” I can’t guess what’s driv­ing her be­hav­ior. I sug­gest that you ask her what her rea­son is and af­ter you hear her an­swer, you re-eval­u­ate whether to dis­tance your­self from her be­cause, with bul­lies, the tar­get can change and no one is safe.

DEAR ABBY: We set lim­its on our son’s screen time at home. My mother-in-law lets him have quite a bit more screen time when he vis­its her. My hus­band thinks grand­par­ents should have the right to de­ter­mine ev­ery­thing about how they treat and care for their grand­chil­dren. What do you think? — MOTHER IN BOUL­DER, COLO.

DEAR MOTHER: I think grand­par­ents should re­spect the rules that par­ents set for their chil­dren be­cause there are usu­ally good rea­sons for them. I also think that for your in-laws to ig­nore your wishes as they have been do­ing is dis­re­spect­ful, and your hus­band should con­sider that be­fore con­clud­ing that his par­ents have the right to ig­nore them.

DEAR ABBY: A cou­ple of months ago my hus­band and I re­ceived a very nice “save the date” for a wed­ding in Au­gust in a town nearby. There were many nice pho­tos of the en­gaged cou­ple on the card. The prob­lem is, we have no idea who they are.

We called our fam­i­lies to ask if they had re­ceived one too, think­ing maybe it was a long-lost rel­a­tive. I even went so far as check­ing so­cial me­dia, think­ing we might have friends in com­mon, but we don’t. I’m hop­ing the ac­tual in­vi­ta­tion may of­fer more clues, but I don’t think it will.

While this was clearly ad­dressed to us, my fear is that it was in­tended for some­one else who may not be “sav­ing the date” and it may cause some ten­sion within their fam­ily. What would be proper when the in­vi­ta­tion ar­rives? Do I check “will not at­tend” and send it back, or should I in­clude a note with an ex­pla­na­tion? — SAVE THE DATE IN WIS­CON­SIN

DEAR SAVE THE DATE: You are a nice per­son. A sim­ple “re­gret that we can­not at­tend” should be suf­fi­cient and by all means in­clude the note.

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