Meyer Lan­sky’s ad­vice to the Clin­tons

‘Good health is the most im­por­tant thing’

The Washington Times Daily - - OPINION - By R. Em­mett Tyrrell Jr. R. Em­mett Tyrrell Jr. is ed­i­tor in chief of The Amer­i­can Spec­ta­tor. He is au­thor of “The Death of Lib­er­al­ism,” pub­lished by Thomas Nel­son Inc.

Ishall be hon­est with you. Let me be frank. I am wor­ried about the Clin­tons. They are that mag­i­cal cou­ple about whom most of Wash­ing­ton’s com­men­tariat have been in agree­ment ever since John F. Har­ris wrote his de­fin­i­tive book, “The Sur­vivor.” In that 2005 book, he wrote that the Clin­tons have been “the two most im­por­tant po­lit­i­cal fig­ures of their gen­er­a­tion.” The pun­dits be­lieved this through­out the 1990s, when Bill Clin­ton was im­peached and both Clin­tons were linked to one scan­dal af­ter an­other. The pun­dits be­lieved it, too, through­out the 2000s, when the Clin­tons were mak­ing mil­lions in du­bi­ous un­der­tak­ings. And they even be­lieved it in re­cent years: in the months lead­ing up to the 2008 nom­i­na­tion, when Hil­lary lost to a com­mu­nity or­ga­nizer; and in the years 2015 and 2016, when she lost again, this time to a man who never held po­lit­i­cal of­fice. Yet now I am re­ally wor­ried about the Clin­tons, and I have never been what you might call a big fan.

Start with Bill. He is los­ing his hair and pos­si­bly his teeth. He looks like mere skin and bones. He has not been seen at his old haunts for a long time — my agents have been on the look­out. At first I thought Bill might be patch­ing things up with Mon­ica. One never knows. I al­ways thought they made a cute cou­ple, or rather I imag­ined them to make a cute cou­ple. I re­ally never saw them to­gether ex­cept on a rope line, she wear­ing a chic beret, he, a tie that later be­came prop­erty of the in­de­pen­dent coun­sel, if mem­ory serves. Now she is the CEO of an anti-bul­ly­ing camorra, which might serve as a front for Bill if his foun­da­tion ever runs aground. Would Hil­lary ob­ject if Bill were to raise money for Mon­ica’s group? I can­not imag­ine it, espe­cially if Hil­lary were to get a cut of the take.

Yet this is mere spec­u­la­tion on my part. What we do know is that Bill has been out of the head­lines for months, and when an en­er­getic pa­parazzo does snap a pic­ture of him he is no longer wear­ing those snazzy gym shorts of his White House days or munch­ing on a greasy Big Mac. When we see him now he looks like he could use a walker. Ob­vi­ously, recreational sex is not as salu­bri­ous as the ther­a­pist Hugh Hefner told us in the 1960s. Think of to­day’s woe­be­gone Bill Cosby, dis­port­ing in yes­ter­year at the Play­boy man­sion.

As for Hil­lary Clin­ton, she is not hold­ing up well at all. I thought she would have been a gra­cious loser. Af­ter all, as I have al­luded to, she is not un­fa­mil­iar with los­ing and los­ing to a rel­a­tive po­lit­i­cal new­comer to boot. Why could she not say, “Well done, Don­ald?” Or, “Serve the coun­try well.” Or, “Call on me any­time.” Or, “Per­haps in 2020 we will nom­i­nate a younger can­di­date, say El­iz­a­beth War­ren, or why not Chelsea?”

There are a lot of pos­si­bil­i­ties out there among the Democrats and many, like Hil­lary, come from the misandry wing of the party. Dear reader, you do not know what misandry means? Well, if you know what misog­yny means — a per­son who hates women — you ought to know what its op­po­site is. Its op­po­site is misandry — a per­son who hates men. Any­one fa­mil­iar with Hil­lary’s top 10 rea­sons why she lost to Don­ald Trump has heard her use the word “misog­yny.”

Re­cently speak­ing to a cred­u­lous gath­er­ing of dis­traught sup­port­ers, Hil­lary ex­plained that along with such enor­mi­ties as the Rus­sians, James Comey, “voter sup­pres­sion,” and “un­ac­count­able money flow­ing in against me,” there was “misog­yny.” The misandry wing of the Demo­cratic Party is in­creas­ingly mak­ing its voice heard, and in the last elec­tion Hil­lary spoke for all of them.

Of course, I guess, that Hil­lary has good rea­son to hate men. Yet not ev­ery woman in Amer­ica comes with a Bill Clin­ton prob­lem or an An­thony Weiner prob­lem, a John Ed­wards prob­lem, or an Eliot Spitzer prob­lem, or a Gary Hart prob­lem and, for­get not, Teddy Kennedy, a very big prob­lem. There is adul­tery in both par­ties, but in Hil­lary’s party it is ram­pant, and with it comes a lot of misandry.

Yet, as I say, now I am con­cerned for both Clin­tons and even Chelsea. Chelsea seems to think that she has, in her ge­netic en­dow­ment, Bill’s gene for pol­i­tics. Chelsea, if I may call you Chelsea, ig­nore this temp­ta­tion. You are your mother’s child. You have her charm, her gift for cou­ture, and so forth and so on. Also you are fan­ta­siz­ing along with your par­ents that Amer­i­can pol­i­tics has not changed. It has. When Don­ald Trump beat Hil­lary, he opened up a whole new chap­ter in Amer­i­can po­lit­i­cal life. Bill and Hil­lary, your time has come and gone. Re­tire to a health spa. To lift a line from the Meyer Lan­sky stand-in used in “The Godfather Part II,” “Good health is the most im­por­tant thing … more im­por­tant than money … more im­por­tant than power.”

Ac­tu­ally, Lan­sky would have been an ap­pro­pri­ate men­tor for the Clin­tons all along.

ILLUSTRATION BY HUNTER

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