Man gets needed health care in mar­riage of con­ve­nience


DEAR ABBY: I’m in a sec­ond mar­riage, which was only for the ben­e­fit of in­sur­ance so my hus­band could get in­sur­ance through my em­ployer’s plan. We were to­gether for many years be­fore get­ting mar­ried.

He re­ceived the health care he needed, and I’m ready to move for­ward with my life as a sin­gle per­son. How­ever, he now says he’s happy be­ing mar­ried. THAT WAS

NOT OUR AGREE­MENT. I am not in­ter­ested in spend­ing any more time be­ing dis­sat­is­fied with this re­la­tion­ship. What he brought to it was not all that I wanted, and he knew this.

I’m ready to move for­ward, but don’t want to lose his friend­ship. What’s the best way to ap­proach this? I have spo­ken to him about an­other pro­ce­dure he needs, but he is stalling. — MAR­RIAGE OF CON­VE­NIENCE

DEAR M.O.C.: You have de­voted enough to this man’s wel­fare. In a mar­riage, both par­ties are sup­posed to be happy, and he al­ready knows you’re not. It may not be pos­si­ble to move for­ward and keep his friend­ship. If he needs an­other pro­ce­dure, give him a dead­line to have it done. If he hasn’t had it by then, feel free to file.

DEAR ABBY: My grown son has bro­ken up with his girl­friend. They were to­gether for five months. He has a 7-year-old son who lives with him and we want him to be strong. He calls us ev­ery day and he’s be­gin­ning to sound like a bro­ken record.

I know time will make it eas­ier, but in the short term, how do we help him tap into his in­ner strength? He goes to work, so that’s a bless­ing. How do peo­ple make it through breakups and cope with the grief? — SAD FOR HIM

DEAR SAD: They de­pend upon their friends and fam­ily to lis­ten to them while they vent. And if that doesn’t work, they do it in the of­fice of a li­censed ther­a­pist. Be­cause what you’re telling your son hasn’t helped, please sug­gest it.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 7, my mother hosted a birth­day party for me. When we made out the guest list, there was a girl who wasn’t pop­u­lar who I didn’t want to in­vite. Mom told me to in­vite her or I wouldn’t have a party. I in­vited her, but she didn’t come.

That les­son of in­clu­sive­ness made a big im­pres­sion on me. Later, in school, I be­came an un­pop­u­lar girl. I missed many of my class­mates’ par­ties be­cause of it, but the les­son stayed with me.

I have be­friended peo­ple who were un­pop­u­lar or who are seen as mis­fits. And you know what? My life has been richer from these ex­pe­ri­ences. So I would like to of­fer a be­lated thank-you to my mother for mak­ing me in­vite that lit­tle girl years ago, be­cause it shaped my life. — KATHY IN PENN­SYL­VA­NIA

DEAR KATHY: Your mother is a wise and com­pas­sion­ate woman. The les­son here is, pop­u­lar­ity can be fleet­ing. But hav­ing com­pas­sion for peo­ple who need it is for­ever.

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