Sweet­hearts strug­gling with a 30-year age gap


DEAR ABBY: I’m in my late 20s and have a male com­pan­ion who is 30-plus years older than I am. We were to­gether for a while, then stopped so we could both try to find some­one closer to our ages. Nei­ther of us did, and we re­cently started see­ing each other again.

Although we are good for each other and com­pat­i­ble in many ways, we are re­al­is­tic that our re­la­tion­ship isn’t long-term for ma­jor rea­sons. (I want chil­dren; he’s happy with grand­chil­dren. He wants to travel af­ter re­tire­ment; I’m just start­ing my ca­reer.) We live for the mo­ment and don’t dwell too much on the future.

My prob­lem is, this time I’m re­ally fall­ing in love with him. Last time, I was re­luc­tant to be­come emo­tional be­cause I was afraid of get­ting hurt. But this time, I am all in. Can any good come of this? We meet each other’s re­la­tion­ship needs in the here and now, but is the end just heart­break? — LOV­ING FOR THE MO­MENT

DEAR LOV­ING: It’s time for you to start com­pil­ing a list of the pros and cons of this ro­mance. You and this man are at dif­fer­ent stages of life and have very dif­fer­ent goals. If you re­ally want to have a fam­ily and a ca­reer, you will have to sac­ri­fice some­thing for it, and that “some­thing” may be de­vot­ing much more time to this man. Sorry, but some­thing’s gotta give.

DEAR ABBY: Re­cently, my hus­band and I were walk­ing down the side­walk in our neigh­bor­hood and came across $160 in cash strewn all over the ground. We picked it up, and as we were do­ing so, our neigh­bor came out­side. We knew her hus­band had just got­ten home, and the money was near his car, so we asked if it might be his. We handed her the cash and told her to let us know.

Two weeks have gone by and no one has claimed it. Our neigh­bor still has it in her pos­ses­sion, and has men­tioned in pass­ing that we should spend it on toys for our kids or food/drinks at the next get-to­gether.

While I think these are OK ideas, I’m a lit­tle bit­ter be­cause my hus­band and I found the money, and I feel we should be the ones who get to keep it if no one comes for­ward to claim it. I don’t want to dam­age the friend­ship we have with our neigh­bors, but I feel like we’re los­ing a bit. What do you think? — FIND­ERS KEEP­ERS

DEAR FIND­ERS KEEP­ERS: I think that be­fore hand­ing over the money, you should have had your neigh­bor ask her hus­band if he had lost any and how much. Be­cause you didn’t do that and they have the cash, per­haps you should “re­mind” her that “per her sug­ges­tion,” you would LOVE to spend some of it on toys for your kids, and ask for some or all of it back. If she’s a good neigh­bor, she’ll agree. If not, you will have learned an ex­pen­sive les­son.

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