Nudity at the beach. Quelle horreur!
The trusty Old Farmers Almanac says June 20 is the day those of us in the Northern Hemisphere can officially celebrate the arrival of summer. Are you looking forward to the break? To enjoying your summer?
Ordinarily, when one season ends and another begins, journalists tend to write about the proverbial seasonal bucket lists. This go ’round, I present the What Not To Do List for Summer 2017 — a very short bucket list of sorts for people above and below the equator.
First up, what not to do at a U.S. beach — especially if the beach is in Ocean City, Maryland. Although the name may imply that boundless opportunities are afforded, there are limits to this town that abuts the Atlantic Ocean, and one of those limits was drawn in the sand.
In short, it bars women from going topless.
There are states that allow women to walk around bare-breasted, though the law may be hitched to a do-not wagon. For example, Alabama doesn’t prohibit women from going topless. However, women are barred from going topless if their intent is to arouse a man who is not her spouse. (Gulp.)
Now, I get the argument that laws should treat women and men equally. But let’s at least admit it: Just like all men shouldn’t parade around in Speedos, not all women should hit the beach topless — and not all men should go topless (especially while the hairy chest vs. the smooth-as-a-baby’sbottom chest remains in debate).
Ocean City went so far as to draw lines in the sand, warning that women who fail to wear fully opaque tops will be fined $1,000.
If you don’t want to cut into you salt water taffy fund, gals can exercise their topless freedom at other beachie spots, such as Austin, Texas, or Madison, Wisconsin, both of which are far from the madding crowds of the Eastern Shore.
In other words, ladies, feel free to dress like you might work at Hooters and even act like you worked at Tony Soprano’s Bada Bing! Just keep reminding yourself that topless is a state of mind when you’re in Ocean City.
And speaking of state of mind, let’s call a moratorium on hate, disgust, name-calling, sniping and violence — or take a break this summer and resist the temptation to resist.
Standing for resistance 24/7 means you cannot, you do not, stand for anything else.
You can still be upset that Donald Trump beat Hillary Rodham Clinton. But offer solutions or make recommendations instead of just raising Cain.
Think U.S. immigration laws should be loosened or America should throw a mat for “huddled masses” yearning to share America’s freedoms? Help put your proffer on the table.
Break away, if only until September, from the name-calling and the sniping — both the verbal and violent sort — and whether you stand to the right or to the left on policy issues.
For instance, on Thursday, the day after her colleagues were threatened by a sniper’s attack on a baseball field, Democrat Nancy Pelosi said in a press briefing, “I don’t even want to go into the president of the United States in terms of the language he has used.”
But then she began sniping like the sniper, James Hodgkinson, who had been sniping online at President Trump and other Republicans. Hodgkinson proved that actions speak louder than words.
Do not waste the summer ginning up Trumpgate. Have you even considered what happens to America, your tax dollars and other nations’ rapport if Mr. Trump is evicted from the White House?
For sure, there’s more to consider than the line of succession.
Again, resist the temptation to resist.
Enjoy your summer.