Teen tells mom to stay away dur­ing his band per­for­mances

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. AN­DREWS MCMEEL SYN­DI­CA­TION

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old son will be en­ter­ing 10th grade. He has been a mem­ber of the school band since sixth grade. After per­form­ing in last year’s Christ­mas pa­rade, a group of the stu­dents went to a nurs­ing home to per­form for the res­i­dents. When we ar­rived, I started to get out of the car with my son so I could lis­ten, as other par­ents were do­ing. My son seemed sur­prised that I was go­ing to stay and said he would rather I didn’t be­cause I make him ner­vous. Need­less to say, I was dev­as­tated. Now, when­ever there’s a con­cert, fes­ti­val, pa­rade or foot­ball game, I stay away, although I love to lis­ten and watch the band play. When I don’t at­tend, I feel hurt all over again. I’m his mother. I’m at a loss as to why I make him ner­vous, be­cause I have al­ways given him pos­i­tive feed­back re­gard­ing any per­for­mance. Should I re­spect his wishes and stay away, or go be­cause it is what makes me happy? — MISS­ING THE SHOW IN MICHI­GAN

DEAR MISS­ING THE SHOW: Have you ASKED your son why your pres­ence makes him ner­vous when he per­forms? His an­swer might be en­light­en­ing. It could be some­thing as sim­ple as the fact that you are his mother. Some­times teens be­come self-con­scious sim­ply be­cause a par­ent is present, which may be the case with your son. That said, if you wish to at­tend his per­for­mances, I think you should, IF you can do it un­ob­tru­sively, prefer­ably out of his line of sight, and re­frain from giv­ing him feed­back.

DEAR ABBY: Life has me worn out. I have ac­com­plished more than I ever thought I could (con­sid­er­ing my up­bring­ing), trav­eled as much as I wanted, al­ways strived to be a good hus­band and fa­ther, a good em­ployer, a loyal vol­un­teer, a sup­port­ive friend and good neigh­bor. I have done so many dif­fer­ent things dur­ing my life that at this point, the thrill is gone.

At 56, I am tired of work­ing, tired of travel, bored with my hob­bies and sick of deal­ing with most peo­ple in gen­eral. I’m re­laxed and laugh eas­ily and have good re­la­tion­ships, but noth­ing ex­cites me any­more. Hon­estly, if the Grim Reaper tapped me on the shoul­der and said, “Pack your bags; to­mor­row’s the day,” I’d just shrug and ask, “What time?”

I have been to the doc­tor. He said I’m de­pressed, but I don’t FEEL de­pressed. I think the meds he put me on made me de­pressed! I went to a cou­ple of ther­a­pists who told me I don’t need ther­apy; I just need to find a new “spark.” So what’s a per­son to do? Must I keep wal­low­ing through the days wait­ing for the end? Am I the only per­son who feels this way? — WAL­LOW­ING IN THE NORTH

DEAR WAL­LOW­ING: You are not the only per­son who feels this way, and NO, you don’t have to keep “wal­low­ing.” It ap­pears you are ex­pe­ri­enc­ing a plain old-fash­ioned midlife cri­sis. Con­tact the psy­chol­o­gist with whom you felt the most con­nec­tion — or search for an­other one un­til you do — and dis­cuss what you are ex­pe­ri­enc­ing in those terms, be­cause you need more help than I — or any­one — can give you in a let­ter.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.