Gal pals can’t see pos­i­tives in woman’s open mar­riages

The Washington Times Daily - - LIFE - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. AN­DREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been in an ex­tra­mar­i­tal re­la­tion­ship for 10 years. My hus­band knows, and so do my close friends.

I love this man dearly, but nei­ther of us want it to be full-time. I have chil­dren at home and don’t want to dis­rupt any­thing. We meet once or twice a week. He touches base with me sev­eral times a day, and is at­ten­tive where my hus­band never was.

My hus­band isn’t bit­ter about the re­la­tion­ship any­more. How­ever, my two clos­est friends con­tin­u­ally say, “Well, why lie to your­self? You know you just say you don’t want things full-time so you don’t drive him away,” which isn’t true. We have a great thing — we travel, we have long dis­cus­sions, and I can open up to him with­out any reper­cus­sions, bounc­ing ideas and thoughts off of each other with­out judg­ment or crit­i­cism.

But I re­ally DON’T want this to be full-time. I en­joy it like I en­joy a good book and a glass of wine — not ev­ery day, but an in­dul­gence and a plea­sure. It also feels good to hear “I’m think­ing of you” first thing ev­ery morn­ing and the last thing ev­ery night. I am flat­tered.

It feels hor­ri­ble that my two best friends can’t un­der­stand that I give of my­self to my com­mu­nity and my fam­ily and need some­thing that is just for me. I have reached the point where I don’t want to have these dis­cus­sions with my friends any­more, so I avoid them. How can I get across to them that I’m fine and happy and con­tent? — JUST FOR ME

DEAR JUST: You say you are happy and con­tent, and your hus­band is OK with the ar­range­ment. Don’t you think it’s time you stopped try­ing to “sell” the con­cept of open mar­riage to your women friends? By now it should be clear that they do not un­der­stand. They prob­a­bly never will. Most peo­ple don’t. Let it lie!

DEAR ABBY: I am a first-time mom of a toddler. I suf­fer from (and am be­ing treated for) anx­i­ety is­sues.

Abby, I am hav­ing trou­ble find­ing the bal­ance on gun safety and aware­ness in other peo­ple’s homes — es­pe­cially if my daugh­ter will be vis­it­ing. I grew up in a house­hold where my fa­ther hunted and had guns in the house. How­ever, he stored them safely in a locked cab­i­net and was the only one with ac­cess to the key. He also stored am­mu­ni­tion separately.

Where do I draw the line? Do I ask ev­ery­one whose house I’ll be go­ing to whether or not they have guns? What are the ap­pro­pri­ate ques­tions? Do I ask where they are stored and who has ac­cess? What else should I ask? Or should I mind my own busi­ness? I know the ques­tions won’t be ap­pre­ci­ated by ev­ery­one be­cause it will seem like I am ques­tion­ing their judg­ment. — FIRST-TIME MOM IN NEW JER­SEY

DEAR FIRST-TIME MOM: If you start ask­ing other par­ents whether they have guns in their homes and how they store them, your ques­tions may be off-putting. Be­cause you are con­cerned for your child’s safety, why not of­fer to have the kids visit your house for play­dates? I’m sure many of the par­ents will be glad to have some free time, and it shouldn’t of­fend any­one.

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