Crush on mar­ried boss causes heartache ev­ery day for worker


DEAR ABBY: I’m 20 years old and have a job in re­tail. I have been work­ing here for a few years and am in a higher po­si­tion than most as­so­ciates.

I’m in a re­la­tion­ship with my high school sweet­heart, whom I truly love, but I am also crazy about my boss. She’s beau­ti­ful, funny, and to be hon­est, I jumped at my pro­mo­tion so I could get closer to her.

I feel ter­ri­ble be­cause, while I love my girl­friend (she’s amaz­ing), if I were given the chance to be with my boss, I’d have a hard time say­ing no. Thank­fully, my boss is in a long-term mar­riage, so I know in my head I have no chance, but it hurts to go on ev­ery day think­ing about her. I’d hate my­self if I never told her how I feel about her. What should I do? RE­ALLY CON­FUSED IN RE­TAIL —

DEAR RE­ALLY CON­FUSED: Be­cause you are ex­celling in this re­tail job, con­sider ask­ing your beau­ti­ful, funny, mar­ried boss to write a pos­i­tive let­ter of rec­om­men­da­tion for you so you can find an­other job in re­tail — one that won’t make you ache ev­ery time you clock in.

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band and I have been asked to be in his sis­ter’s wed­ding. We said yes, mostly out of obli­ga­tion.

There will be three mar­ried cou­ples in the pro­ces­sion. I re­cently learned that my sis­ter-in-law plans to have the cou­ples split up and walk with oth­ers. I think it’s ex­tremely weird and rude, so much so that we want to back out. Nei­ther of us cares to be in a mem­ory book with us pos­ing with other peo­ple. It’s not that ei­ther of us is jeal­ous; we have been mar­ried for 24 years. What do you think? — FEEL­ING OB­LI­GATED IN THE EAST

DEAR FEEL­ING OB­LI­GATED: I think that be­fore you take of­fense and back out, you should ask your sis­ter-in-law why she wants to do this. It could be some­thing as sim­ple as vari­a­tions in the height of the par­tic­i­pants and not weird or rude. Be­tween you and me, un­less you and your hus­band feel so strongly about this that you are will­ing to cre­ate a rift in the fam­ily, you should go along with his sis­ter’s fan­tasy of her per­fect day.

DEAR ABBY: I can’t do any­thing for my 70-some­thingyear-old mom with­out her thank­ing me so much it makes me un­com­fort­able. A re­cent ex­am­ple: She moved to a new apart­ment, and I bought her some gift cer­tifi­cates as a house­warm­ing gift. She thanked me pro­fusely via email when she re­ceived them. She thanked me again over the phone when I next spoke with her. She’s thanked me at least half a dozen more times — each time she uses one of them.

When my sis­ter and I paid for a trip for her, she bought us ex­pen­sive gifts as thank-yous. The gifts cost far more than she could af­ford (and un­for­tu­nately, in my case, was some­thing I’d never use), which kind of negated the idea of us pay­ing for the trip.

I know Mom means well. Should I say or do any­thing, or just let it be? — THANKS-FULL SON IN SEAT­TLE

DEAR SON: If you say some­thing, you risk em­bar­rass­ing your mother or, worse, hurt­ing her feel­ings. I vote for just let­ting it be.

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