Life of a hermit
“Osama Captured by Rednecks!” blares the headline of the Weekly World News, which considers itself the world’s only reliable newspaper. “Terror Chief Hunted Down in Missouri.”
We pulled the tabloid off the rack in the Safeway checkout line to read: “Osama Captured in Ozarks! Outdoorsmen do what the entire United States couldn’t do.”
According to the tale, a group of local hunters spotted smoke coming from the chimney of a trapping cabin that belonged to Dewley Sapps. But the “crazy hermit Dewley,” they all knew, died last spring.
So, says hunter Jerry Gnurc, he and the other men quietly approached the cabin, only to lay eyes on a lean figure sitting on a stump reading a book.
“He was a real tall drink ‘o water, and I guessen’ he might be one of the Crump brothers from over in Piatt County,” Mr. Gnurc said. But as the hunters drew closer, they realized they were peering into the bearded face of Osama bin Laden, dressed in a white robe and Afghan cap.
“They recognized Osama from TV and set the dogs on ‘em,” Mr. Gnurc explained
The newspaper went so far as to publish a photo (perhaps enhanced by Reuters) of a pair of German shepherds (unusual hunting dogs, to say the least) sinking their fangs into the obviously surprised terrorist.
John McCaslin, whose column is nationally syndicated, can be reached at 202/636-3284 or email@example.com.