Life of a her­mit

The Washington Times Weekly - - National -

“Osama Cap­tured by Red­necks!” blares the head­line of the Weekly World News, which con­sid­ers it­self the world’s only re­li­able news­pa­per. “Ter­ror Chief Hunted Down in Mis­souri.”

We pulled the tabloid off the rack in the Safe­way check­out line to read: “Osama Cap­tured in Ozarks! Out­doors­men do what the en­tire United States couldn’t do.”

Ac­cord­ing to the tale, a group of lo­cal hunters spot­ted smoke com­ing from the chim­ney of a trap­ping cabin that be­longed to Dew­ley Sapps. But the “crazy her­mit Dew­ley,” they all knew, died last spring.

So, says hunter Jerry Gnurc, he and the other men qui­etly ap­proached the cabin, only to lay eyes on a lean fig­ure sit­ting on a stump read­ing a book.

“He was a real tall drink ‘o wa­ter, and I guessen’ he might be one of the Crump brothers from over in Pi­att County,” Mr. Gnurc said. But as the hunters drew closer, they re­al­ized they were peer­ing into the bearded face of Osama bin Laden, dressed in a white robe and Afghan cap.

“They rec­og­nized Osama from TV and set the dogs on ‘em,” Mr. Gnurc ex­plained

The news­pa­per went so far as to pub­lish a photo (per­haps en­hanced by Reuters) of a pair of Ger­man shep­herds (un­usual hunt­ing dogs, to say the least) sink­ing their fangs into the ob­vi­ously sur­prised ter­ror­ist.

John McCaslin, whose col­umn is na­tion­ally syn­di­cated, can be reached at 202/636-3284 or jm­c­caslin@wash­ing­ton­times.com.

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