BELT­WAY

The Washington Times Weekly - - National - By John McCaslin

Our res­o­lu­tions

Inside the Belt­way is pleased to present its an­nual list of New Year’s res­o­lu­tions, whereby read­ers as­sume the per­sonas of the pres­i­dent and his fel­low politi­cians — in­deed, mem­bers of the in­com­ing 110th Congress:

“I, Pa­trick Leahy, re­solve to pro­vide al Qaeda with call­ing cards af­ter I pull the plug on the war­rant­less wire­taps.”

“I, Pa­trick Leahy, re­solve to pro­vide the Guan­tanamo de­tainees with both habeas cor­pus and ‘habeas va­ca­tionus’ in Ver­mont.”

“I, John Kerry, who served in Viet­nam, hereby re­solve to have Air Amer­ica cri­tique my jokes prior to me botch­ing them.”

“I, Joe Bi­den, re­solve to im­prove my en­emy/friend iden­ti­fi­ca­tion skills: Mah­moud Ah­madine­jad = bad; John Bolton = good.”

“I, Ted Kennedy, re­solve to con­tinue work­ing with Pres­i­dent Bush onNCLB(NoChildLeft­Be­hind,and to cor­rectly re­name the pro­gram to NCLB, No Cash Left Be­hind).”

“I, Jay Rock­e­feller, re­solve to for­feit my great-grand­fa­ther’s Stan­dard Oil for­tune when Exxon Mo­bil gives up the free­dom of speech and falls in line with the global-warm­ing crowd.”

“I, Hil­lary Clin­ton, re­solve to add a chap­ter in the rere­lease of ‘It Takes a Vil­lage,’ that deals with the vil­lage in­tern.”

“I, Carl Levin, as chair­man of the Se­nate Armed Ser­vices Com­mit­tee, re­solve to have a Navy corps­man in­struct me on the proper wear­ing of eye­glasses.”

“I, Pres­i­dent Bush, re­solve to im­prove bi­par­ti­san­ship by hav­ing Speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi and Sen­a­tor Ted Kennedy to this year’s White House New Year’s Eve party, if the dis­tin­guished se­nior sen­a­tor from Mas­sachusetts will pro­vide Mrs. Pelosi with trans­porta­tion.” (Lester Berry, Voorhees, N.J.) “I, Pres­i­dent Bush, re­solve to be the res­o­lute pres­i­dent that Amer­i­can cit­i­zens met on Septem­ber 11, 2001.”

(Cara Lyons Texas)

“We, con­gres­sional Repub­li­cans, re­solve to stop spend­ing like drunken Democrats.”

(Ed Van Voorhees, Nashville, Tenn.)

“We, mem­bers of Congress, hereby re­solve that the gov­ern­ment of th­ese United States will spend one dol­lar less than it spent the pre­vi­ous year, and will em­ploy one less per­son than the pre­vi­ous year.”

(Charles Thomas, West Pittston, Pa.)

“We, mem­bers of Congress, re­solve not to pass any leg­is­la­tion that we have not per­son­ally read from be­gin­ning to end. There needs to be no haste in pass­ing per­ma­nent laws. Our staff should not be do­ing that part of our jobs.” (Tom Camp, Shelby, N.C.) “I, mem­ber of Congress, pledge that I will serve hon­estly and hon­or­ably, and that I will truly rep­re­sent my con­stituents — in dis­trict or state — with­out re­gard to po­lit­i­cal per­sua­sions.” (Richard Letaw, Vi­enna, Va.) “We, sen­a­tors and con­gress­men, hereby re­solve to rec­og­nize that truth is ob­jec­tive (that which con­forms to re­al­ity) rather than what I, in all my pom­pos­ity, pre­fer to be­lieve it is.”

(Bill Dil­lon, Ocean Pines, Md.)

Lege,

Frisco,

“We, mem­bers of Congress, hereby re­solve to nom­i­nate for­mer D.C. Po­lice Chief Charles H. Ram­sey as a can­di­date for chief of the United States Capi­tol Po­lice. Chief Ram­sey’s pro­fes­sion­al­ism and in­tegrity have been of the high­est de­gree dur­ing his eightyear tour as chief of the Metropoli­tan Po­lice force.” (Jim Daw­son, Clin­ton, Md.) “I, John Kerry, hereby re­solve to con­tinue: de­nounc­ing Pres­i­dent Bush’s poli­cies in Iraq, even in the face of peo­ple say­ing I’m aid­ing and abet­ting Is­lamo-ter­ror­ists; prais­ing priests who al­low me to re­ceive the Sacra­ments be­fore, dur­ing and af­ter I vote for leg­is­la­tion fa­cil­i­tat­ing abor­tion; and prom­ise to use my wife’s money more wisely in prov­ing my­self to be the best can­di­date for the pres­i­den­tial elec­tion in 2008.”

(Ann Sheri­dan, Wash­ing­ton, D.C.)

“We, mem­bers of Congress, re­solve to ap­prove im­me­di­ate dec­la­ra­tions that: sup­port the na­tion of Is­rael ‘for life’; sup­port the es­tab­lish­ment of an in­de­pen­dent na­tion of Pales­tine; par­tially pri­va­tize So­cial Se­cu­rity; ex­tend tax cuts (in­come, cap­i­tal gains) be­yond 2010; write a na­tional ‘Jes­sica’s Law’ (anti-pedophile bill); write an an­tipornog­ra­phy In­ter­net-con­trol bill; write a border-pro­tec­tion bill with­out amnesty for il­le­gal im­mi­grants, but with a re­quire­ment for il­le­gal im­mi­grants to step for­ward, ad­mit their il­le­gal sta­tus and make resti­tu­tion through pub­lic ser­vice, thus waiv­ing any fur­ther le­gal ac­tion against them.”

(Re­tired Air Force Lt. Col. Rob Wein­hold; Dale City, Va.)

“We, mem­bers of Congress, re­solve not to wreck the coun­try by leav­ing it tril­lions of dol­lars in debt, with en­ti­tle­ments that are out of con­trol, leav­ing young peo­ple to­day in fear of the fu­ture.”

(Michael Krekel, Pa­los Verdes Es­tates, Calif.)

Not Lady Bird

“Why do you Hil­lary?”

That’s the blar­ing ques­tion posed on the Jan­uary/Fe­bru­ary cover of Mother Jones mag­a­zine, which seeks to ex­plain why the ju­nior sen­a­tor from New York, Hil­lary Rod­ham Clin­ton, “stokes our deep­est fears and dark­est ha­treds.”

The an­swer, says writer Jack

love

to

hate Hitt, might sur­prise read­ers.

First, ob­vi­ously, Mrs. Clin­ton was atyp­i­cal as White House first lady.

“The na­tional trauma be­gan when Hil­lary vi­o­lated per­ceived roles of do­mes­tic­ity,” writes Mr. Hitt, who turns to Univer­sity of Mis­souri pro­fes­sor Betty Win­field for fur­ther ex­pla­na­tion:

“Peo­ple had a very pre­con­ceived idea about how a first lady was sup­posed to act, the im­age of a sup­port­ive wife, but not too out­spo­ken. Hil­lary had no no­blesse oblige cause, noth­ing com­ing from the do­mes­tic sphere like high­way beau­ti­fi­ca­tion or il­lit­er­acy or anti-drug use among teens. No, no. She was go­ing to change the en­tire health care sys­tem for the whole coun­try.”

Still, the un­der­ly­ing rea­son for so openly fear­ing Mrs. Clin­ton is far deeper, ac­cord­ing to Mr. Hitt.

“Hil­lary is an avatar of an ex­is­ten­tial dread that lurks in the hearts of ev­ery cou­ple who’ve tried to put to­gether a life since the fem­i­nist revo­lu­tion,” he ex­plains. “Hil­lary has come to em­body a dark fear in the hearts of mod­ern men: the wife who ne­glects the joys of the bed­room for her ca­reer.

“The mid­dle years of mar­riage are hard enough (or so I have read), try­ing to keep the flame flick­er­ing amid the anx­i­eties of bills, the call of ca­reer, the squall of lit­tle chil­dren. That’s the age-old stuff. Add to that a novel stress on the guy: a new de­struc­tive Oedi­pal force right at his side, his wife. She wants a ca­reer equal to, if not bet­ter than, her hus­band’s.”

No use­ful pur­pose?

Un­cle Sam’s new 2007 ab­sti­nence-only ed­u­ca­tion pro­gram isn’t just for teenagers, says the tax­payer-watch­dog Cit­i­zens Against Gov­ern­ment Waste.

“[T]he gov­ern­ment’s of­fi­cial mes­sage of no sex prior to mar­riage will be di­rected at sin­gle in­di­vid­u­als up to 29 years old,” ob­serves CAGW’s Sean Kennedy, adding the new pol­icy “may be a case of try­ing to lock the barn door af­ter the horses have es­caped.”

He cites Na­tional Cen­ter for Health Sta­tis­tics show­ing that more than 90 per­cent of adults ages 20 to 29 are sex­u­ally ac­tive.

“Look­ing at a statis­tic like that, it is easy to ques­tion the pur­pose of teach­ing ab­sti­nence to an age group of which nine out of 10 in­di­vid­u­als has al­ready failed to ab­stain,” he notes.

Horse rides

Leah Tay­lor’s new book, “Horses of the Pres­i­dents,” re­veals that Ge­orge Wash­ing­ton al­ways had his horse’s teeth brushed be­fore he would go out for a ride.

The ma­jor­ity of Amer­ica’s great lead­ers, the au­thor writes, had a fond­ness­forhorses.TakeAl­go­nquin, the cal­ico pony given to Pres­i­dent Theodor­eRoo­sevelt’schil­dren­when they lived at the White House.

Roo­sevelt saw to it that Al­go­nquin ac­tu­ally rode in the White House el­e­va­tor in or­der to pay his bed­side re­spects to pres­i­den­tial son Archie Roo­sevelt when the young­ster was ill.

Can’t trust ‘em

First, Vice Pres­i­dent Dick Cheney warned Amer­i­cans in 2004 that if Sen. John Kerry, Mas­sachusetts Demo­crat, was elected pres­i­dent, “the dan­ger is that we’ll get hit again” by ter­ror­ists. Amer­i­cans re­sponded by giv­ing Pres­i­dent Bush a sec­ond term.

Now, tel­e­van­ge­list and one-time Repub­li­can pres­i­den­tial can­di­date Pat Robert­son says God has told him that even with Mr. Kerry safely con­fined to Capi­tol Hill, a ter­ror­ist at­tack would oc­cur on U.S. soil some­time this year (likely in Septem­ber or af­ter) and re­sult in “mass killing.”

Smok­ing Haz­ard

Tak­ing a cue from the bar­tender at the Na­tional Press Club, Charles “Hap” Haz­ard, who for 29 years was a po­lit­i­cal il­lus­tra­tor, graphic and court­room artist for the Bal­ti­more Sun, lit his to­bacco pipe for one last time. No, he’s not quit­ting smok­ing. “Jack the bar­tender told me that I might as well have my fi­nal smoke in the club be­cause I’m not go­ing to be able to do it any­more,” Mr. Haz­ard tells Inside the Belt­way, af­ter a strict city­wide smok­ing ban went into ef­fect last week. The ban stretches from of­fices and restau­rants to tav­erns and night­clubs.

“Ac­tu­ally, al­though it’s a private club, the press club board is ap­par­ently made up of the po­lit­i­cally cor­rect and sen­si­tive types, and they chose to do away with the smok­ing part of it,” Mr. Haz­ard says. “I signed a pe­ti­tion ask­ing them to re­con­sider, but [. . .]

“So, while my wife was hav­ing her cup of cof­fee and read­ing, I smoked my pipe one last time. And other peo­ple around the bar were hav­ing their smoke. I’ve just al­ways en­joyed the am­bi­ence of the place.”

(As did the late CBS news­man Eric Se­vareid, who upon his re­tire­ment called the Na­tional Press Club “the only hal­lowed place I know of that’s ab­so­lutely burst­ing with ir­rev­er­ence.”)

“I find it so in­ter­est­ing that we can’t smoke; it’s a ter­ri­ble evil. You can’t smoke in Ire­land, and you can’t smoke in Wash­ing­ton, D.C.,” notes Mr. Haz­ard, who in re­cent years has been an out­source artist for the Na­tional Park Ser­vice and Chesa­peake­Bay Foun­da­tion. Pipe smoker that he is, he even helps out at a lo­cal to­bacco shop.

“Even in the to­bacco shop where I work they are at­tempt­ing to stop smok­ing be­cause they want to pro­tect me, an em­ployee, from the sec­ond­hand smoke that I have to en­dure for be­ing in their shop. They for­get that I en­joy­first­hand smoke.”

John McCaslin, whose col­umn is na­tion­ally syn­di­cated, can be reached at 202/636-3284 or jm­c­caslin@wash­ing­ton­times.com.

The cover story of the latest is­sue of the left­ist mag­a­zine Mother Jones of­fers an ex­pla­na­tion of why peo­ple “love to hate” Sen. Hil­lary Rod­ham Clin­ton.

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