Safe pre­dic­tion: More Bush-bash­ing ahead

The Washington Times Weekly - - Commentary - Bill O’Reilly

The other day, a left-wing re­porter named Sey­mour Hersh went on MSNBC and said he had in­for­ma­tion, pro­vided by the usual anony­mous sources, that for­mer Vice Pres­i­dent Dick Cheney was run­ning an as­sas­si­na­tion squad out of the White House.

I have but one sim­ple ob­ser­va­tion: If Mr. Cheney re­ally had such a crew, Mr. Hersh would have been dead a long time ago, and so would most ev­ery­body at MSNBC. Would they not? In the months to come, we can ex­pect all kinds of hor­ror sto­ries from the left about al­leged Bush-Cheney atroc­i­ties. Th­ese will de­flect at­ten­tion from present-day prob­lems and pro­vide lib­eral thinkers with the in­tense in­dig­na­tion they so des­per­ately need. In ad­di­tion, the bevy of Bush-Cheney sins will sup­ply the me­dia and in­di­vid­ual op­por­tunists with “prod­uct.” So, in or­der to get ahead of this in­evitable sit­u­a­tion, I will now pre­dict some fu­ture head­lines:

Newsweek will re­port that Bernard Mad­off has told uniden­ti­fied friends that it was Ge­orge W. Bush who ac­tu­ally forced him to de­velop the $65 bil­lion Ponzi scheme that ru- ined thou­sands of peo­ple. Friends of Bernie say Mr. Mad­off was ready to be an hon­est bro­ker un­til Mr. Bush came to him in a dream and urged him to com­mit mas­sive fi­nan­cial fraud. Also, Newsweek’s “Periscope” fea­ture hears that it was W who told Jim Cramer to rec­om­mend Bear Stearns.

In his new book, “Squeal­ing,” Jose Canseco writes that he in­jected Ge­orge W. Bush with steroids when W was owner of the Texas Rangers and again in the Oval Of­fice im­me­di­ately be­fore the pres­i­dent met with Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Mr. Canseco dis­misses claims that W’s moun­tain bike reg­i­men kept him toned and says the Iraq in­va­sion was ac­tu­ally caused by “roid rage.”

The New York Times will run a page-one story say­ing that af­ter the Iraqi shoe guy em­bar­rassed Mr. Bush in Bagh­dad, the pres­i­dent him­self wa­ter­boarded the man and kept him tied up in a cold room while loop­ing ex­cerpts from Wolf Bl­itzer’s pro­gram at high sound lev­els. The Times, cit­ing uniden­ti­fied sources close to the footwear in­dus­try, will al­lege the shoe guy gave up bad in­for­ma­tion be­cause tor­ture never works.

Van­ity Fair mag­a­zine, in be­tween pic­tures of Lind­say Lo­han par­ty­ing in Baja, will present a most star­tling sce­nario: It was Mr. Cheney who con­tam­i­nated peanut but­ter with E. coli be­cause, ac­cord­ing to anony­mous sources speak­ing only to VF, the VP had “had it” with the kids.

Fi­nally, Will Fer­rell will star in a new movie called “Craw­ford Nights: The Bal­lad of Dickie/Ge­orgie.” In this film di­rected by Oliver Stone, it will be pur­ported that the real head of the Cali drug car­tel was Ge­orge W. Bush, with Mr. Cheney as con­sigliere. The screen­play, writ­ten by Sean Penn and Jes­sica Alba, is be­ing closely guarded, but word is that it will por­tray Mr. Cheney as the guy who pro­vided Michael Phelps with the sub­stance-filled bong.

So it will likely be a busy 2009 for the Bush-Cheney team. No doubt they are the per­fect stim­u­lus pack­age for the far left.

Bill O’Reilly is a na­tion­ally syndicated colum­nist.

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