CHANGE HIS STRIPES

The Washington Times Weekly - - Politics -

The Tiger Woods saga has been politi­cized as an­a­lysts pon­der the links of his wife, Elin, to so­cial­ism — a phe­nom­e­non re­cently iden­ti­fied by the Daily Beast Web site. Then there are the comedic im­pli­ca­tions of his mar­i­tal in­fi­delity. NBC’s “Satur­day Night Live” has de­clared that Mr. Woods’ chronic wom­an­iz­ing has bumped the af­fairs of South Carolina Gov. Mark San­ford and for­mer pres­i­den­tial hope­ful John Ed­wards right off the news me­dia’s radar.

Now it is time for the prog­nos­ti­ca­tors to have a turn.

Self-de­scribed Cana­dian “men­tal­ist” Blair Robert­son — who pre­dicted on Nov. 22 that “Al Gore’s new book will be re­vealed to have pub­lished fraud­u­lent data in 40 days” — says that Mr. Woods will only stay off the fair­way for six months, re­turn­ing to tri­umphant, com­pet­i­tive play in June.

“He has a long way to go and a gru­el­ing chal­lenge ahead of him,” Mr. Robert­son ex­plains. “I fear­lessly pre­dict that he will re­pent and turn his life around. I fur­ther pre­dict that he’ll not only re­gain the leg­endary fo­cus he has in golf, he’ll do ev­ery­thing he pos­si­bly can to re­pair his mar­riage.”

Mr. Robert­son — who also says that the phrase “Merry Christ­mas” will make a re­mark­able come­back and re­place the po­lit­i­cally cor­rect “Happy Hol­i­days” — claims no su­per­nat­u­ral pow­ers.

“I’ve been told I’m 87 per­cent ac­cu­rate,” he says. “I know that I’m right more than I’m wrong.”

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