It must be true...

I read it in the tabloids

■■ A topless British woman taking a dip at a nudist beach saw two young sisters and their cousin struggling in the waves and swam over and saved them. Jessica Layton, 28, was in the water near Cornwall when she saw the three girls holding hands and “struggling to swim near rocks.” She grabbed one of their hands and pulled them ashore with a strength she didn’t know she had. “Fortunately, I’d just put my bikini bottoms on,” she said. A friend of Layton’s commented, “Not all heroes wear capes; some of them don’t even wear bikini tops.”

■■ The mystery of the “orange Cheetos”–like dust that blanketed a small town in southwestern Ohio has been solved. Residents in Sharonville are now reasonably confident that the bright orange residue covering cars and sidewalks is a product of a fungus falling from the town’s many Bradford pear trees. “It’s just so thick,” said resident Julie Dietrich, “like sidewalk chalk that somebody ground up and just kind of scattered. You can just look down the street and see these little pops of orange.”

■■ A Florida woman has filed a lawsuit against her neighbor, demanding a goat paternity test. Kris Hedstrom’s lawsuit seeks 40 hair follicles from the sire of five Nigerian dwarf goats she purchased in December from Heather Dayner for $900. Hedstrom claims she thought the goats were purebred and wants to register them with the American Dairy Goat Association, but now doubts their paternity. The dispute has set off a monthslong feud that has included accusations of trespassing, harassment, and visits from the police. “She’s been a nightmare of a neighbor,” Dayner said.