Daddy, you always told us

“Daddy, you’ve always told us that if we get stopped (by the police) that if we comply with what the officer tells us, everything will be fine. But that man got shot.”

That was on Thursday night from my 21-yearold daughter, Laura.

She’d seen the video from the Monday shooting of a man in North Miami, Fla. If you missed it, find it on the Internet. It’s everywhere. To recap: A therapist, who happens to be black, is on his back, his hands in the air, calmly telling police — who have taken cover behind telephone poles — that the man beside him is autistic and the purported gun is actually a toy truck. There’s apparently no video of the moments before and when shots are fired.

Some things about me you need to know. I’m not in the business of second-guessing police action. I have some great friends who are police officers — I hunt and fish and attend church with them; my children grew up often spending more time at a police officer’s house than my house. While I was in high school I rode multiple nights per week with Springdale officers, which put me in positions that were dangerous — I’ve participated, then and in later years, on traffic stops in remote areas with a vehicle with a bunch of people inside. Back in the mid 1980s I tested with the Arkansas State Police and was on the list of people eligible to be hired for a trooper post. As a reporter I spent many an hour at wrecks and fires and shootings and whatever, in the cold, the heat, the mosquitoes, the rain — standing right next to law enforcement officers.

I outline that background to establish that what I’m about to write is NOT coming from a position of opposition to the police.

Throughout my parenting years, watching shows such as “Cops,” I’d point out that if the person would have just done what the officer said to do, things would have gone a lot better.

So, what do I tell my daughter now? What do I tell my 14-yearold son? And my 25-year-old daughter and 27-year-old son?

They have just watched a man on his back — with his hands in the air — who calmly, rationally, explained what was happening — get shot. Thank God, not fatally — but nonetheless, shot.

Friday we learned from the police union that an officer shot at (but missed) the autistic man because the officer felt threatened. We don’t know what happened in the moments before shots were fired. Maybe the man tried to get up, maybe he pointed the toy truck at the therapist. Or at the officers.

I wasn’t there and I don’t know.

But I do know that my daughter poses a serious question. One that I cannot answer.

Everyone offers up answers. They all sound so easy. Law and order. Obey the officer’s commands.

Put more people in prison. Mental health care. Take away all guns. Arm everyone. Everyone is scared. The police are rightfully scared of every situation because of the ambushes that have happened in the past couple weeks. They have to wonder: Is this a decoy to draw me out for an ambush.

People are scared when the blue lights come on. While the vast, vast, vast, majority of traffic stops have no violence involved, the driver wonders if, on this stop, is this the time that if I do anything — I’m going to get shot?

Did you read the letter to the editor in last week’s paper? The one from Colin Shurm? I’ve known Colin since he was a baby. I’ve known his mom and dad for 30 years. I’ve umpired baseball games he played in, and he’s worked for me as a baseball umpire. He and Laura are friends — a few weeks ago they were in a group that went floating on the Elk River — a group that included three police officers.

Here’s a snippet of Colin’s letter (which, by the way, started out as a Facebook post):

“We are targets. Because of our badge.

“How many of my friends wake up in the morning getting ready for work and put on gear that is made to stop a bullet? Gear that is made to save our lives when someone tries to take it? How many wake up and think, ‘Today I could be shot, stabbed, run over, or even blown up.’

“How many of you would still go to work? My family does. My family by blood and badge. Every one of them. They will tomorrow, as well as every day after. Until their watch is ended.

“The world has gone to hell, and something has to change.”

As parents, we want to tell our kids it’s going to be all right. That if you do A, B and C, it’s going to be fine. Show your hands. Comply with the commands. Don’t act crazy. Don’t make any sudden movements. “Yes sir,” and “No sir.”

I cannot provide any answers. But my daughter’s words haunt me.

“Daddy, you’ve always told us that if we get stopped (by the police) that if we comply with what the officer tells us, everything will be fine. But that man got shot.”