Hints for the end of the world
Is the end of the world at hand?
“Yes!” according to some — and it’s coming sooner than later. Sp e - cifically, wa rn these prognost i cators, it’s game over in less than two weeks, and as proof point to the end of the Mayan calendar on 12-21-12 and to the Chinese Book of Change.
Hogwash, I say, among other choice words.
Sure, my foundation recently was rattled when the Phillies-Eagles-Flyers seasons fell like dominoes; Sandy effortlessly removed siding from my house and Elmo was unmasked. And, OK, there’ve been those other attempts to solve the time puzzle, witness Bible predictions of the rapture and antichrist, and the writings of Nostradamus.
But, c’mon, I’m not falling for these apocalyptic forecasts. Not even following the latest doomsday declaration.
“The United States and other world governments are well aware of what is coming. They know they won’t be able to protect and assist everyone, so they have developed self-help materials and websites such as Ready.gov and FEMA.gov. These sites provide valuable information for short-term survival of isolated incidents such as earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes, but do not address the real dangers that await us,” says www.December212012. com, which describes itself as the official site for the final day.
I’m thinking the “danger that awaits us” is grounded in unfounded and irresponsible declarations like that one.
The site, however, defends itself.
“The purpose of this website is to assist and provide you with the necessary resources and information to help you prepare for and survive a long-term global disaster.” Balderdash! But just for fun, let’s say the paranoid doomsayers are right. How best to prepare? A few suggestions: Stock up. Obtain non-perishable food, as well as water, batteries and other just-can’t-andwon’t-live-without-it items. Freeze-dried food might be a good bet and a-one-year supply (no sides or specials) runs $1,995.95 for more than 2T0,000 total calories. Shipping is free from December212012.com. Light up. I know what you’re thinking (and shame on you), but I’m talking about power. Sandy recently revealed how lost we are without TV, computer, cell phone and game system, to say nothing about heat, refrigeration and light. (For many, if felt like the end of the world when Sandy unplugged us). In case the final day does the same, you’ll need an alternate source of energy like those gas-powered generators many hastily purchased following the super storm. Turns out that purchase was a good one after all.
Party like there’s no tomorrow – because there might not be one.
Since the precise time of day the world ends on the 21st is unclear, I suggest a day-long affair - preferably in a place off the ground should flooding be involved with screens secure enough should swarming insects be the tactic. Have ample food and junk because this is no time to diet, and music like R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” and Billy goel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” And, of course, invite close friends and family.
“In those final moments, you may want to make up for any wrongs you have done to them. Also, you will likely be giving hugs and crying alongside all those present at your 2012 end-of-the-world bash, so you’ll want to make sure that those are the people you are comfortable being yourself around,” suggests Erik Wesley of Yahoo! Contributing Network.
Should the apocalyptic alarm be real, then nice knowing you. Otherwise, see you next time.
Greg Vellner can be reached at email@example.com.