Another view: #MeToo is also a scary time for boys

During my years with the National Organization for Women, I saw women struggle to share their truths, and I honor the culmination of this with #MeToo. And during a half-century of forming some 300 men’s groups, I saw that men had their own truths, especially among divorced dads who felt the courts and moms were depriving them of equal time with their children.

The difference? Women have #MeToo. Dads don’t. As I did the research for “The Boy Crisis,” I discovered that some boys feared dad had just abandoned them. As other boys discovered their dad was fighting unsuccessfully for equally shared parenting, they began to fear having children themselves.

Dad-deprived boys lack role models, miss the bonding of roughhousing, and often suffer from a lack of boundary enforcement, leading to problems in school, sports and life. To escape the shame of their failures, millions become addicted to drugs, drinking and video games — or just commit suicide.

President Donald Trump’s remark that it is “a very scary time for young men in America” suggests this is an era when only women are believed.

My work teaching couples has taught me a different reality: No two people recall their shared experiences the same way. It is possible for Brett Kavanaugh and his accuser, Christine Blasey Ford, to be honest in their selective recollections.

And when it comes to sex, it’s scary for boys in other ways. Your son worries that if he initiates too much, too soon, in the wrong way, at the wrong time, before the right number of drinks, or after too many, the Kavanaugh lesson is that his entire life might be ruined. Yet if he is too cautious, he fears he’ll hear, “You’re so sweet; let’s just be friends.” Fearing rejection, he escapes into pornography, where there is access to a variety of attractive women without fear of rejection. (At a price he can afford!)

The solution? Transform #MeToo monologue into a #MeToo dialogue.

We are all in the same family boat. When only one sex wins, both lose.

Warren Farrell, co-author of “The Boy Crisis,” is a former board member of NOW in New York City.