Too self­ish, too jeal­ous?

West Hawaii Today - - Sports - COPY­RIGHT 2017 CRE­ATORS.COM

Dear An­nie: Am I be­ing self­ish and per­haps jeal­ous, too?

My part­ner of five years, “Wil­liam,” says he is more com­fort­able in the com­pany of women than men. Wil­liam has re­vealed to me that while he was grow­ing up, his fa­ther was dom­i­neer­ing and not com­pas­sion­ate or un­der­stand­ing. In­stead, Wil­liam had a close and sup­port­ive re­la­tion­ship with his mother.

Wil­liam is kind, and suc­cess­ful in his field, and we have a warm and lov­ing re­la­tion­ship.

But I feel my­self tense up when he makes an ef­fort to be­come bud­dies with my fe­male friends. When he “no­tices” them (pays at­ten­tion to them in an in­no­cent way) one can see they are flat­tered and, of course, are drawn to him. I am not com­fort­able with him de­vel­op­ing rap­ports with my friends.

I would ap­pre­ci­ate know­ing what you would sug­gest. Per­haps I should add that I do not fear he’d ever be un­faith­ful with any of th­ese friends. — Need Ad­vice

Dear Need Ad­vice: Your part­ner’s warmth to­ward your friends is an ex­ten­sion of his love for you. Count your­self lucky; I’m sure many women read­ing this wish their boyfriends or hus­bands would make more of an ef­fort with their friends. As long as you trust him, and it sounds like you do, you have noth­ing to worry about. Try to use pos­i­tive self-talk (about your­self and your re­la­tion­ship) to com­bat neg­a­tive, in­se­cure thoughts. The more you in­dulge in spec­u­la­tion, the more you feed your jeal­ousy — and that green-eyed mon­ster has a way of wreak­ing havoc where there was none.

Dear An­nie: I go out to eat with girl­friends of­ten. One friend in par­tic­u­lar has the habit of pulling out her phone half­way through the meal. She then pro­ceeds to show ev­ery­one the lat­est video clips she likes on Face­book or pic­tures of her grand­kids. I feel like this is thought­less and rude, but I don’t know what to say! The other day at brunch, sev­eral other friends copied her af­ter she ini­ti­ated it and started do­ing the same thing. Am I the only one who likes con­ver­sa­tion any­more or am I out of step? — Speak Up or Put Up?

Dear Speak Up or Put Up: I be­lieve phones be­long on the ta­ble dur­ing a meal no more than el­bows do. But I think you might have to let this go for two rea­sons. One, your friend isn’t ig­nor­ing ev­ery­one at the ta­ble to stare at her phone; she’s us­ing it as a way to share things. Think of it as the mod­ern-day equiv­a­lent to pass­ing around wal­let pho­tos of the grand­kids. And two, you’re out­num­bered. You might try propos­ing a no-phones rule, but be pre­pared for the group to veto it.

Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­nie@ cre­ators.com. To find out more about An­nie Lane and read fea­tures by other Cre­ators Syn­di­cate colum­nists and car­toon­ists, visit the Cre­ators Syn­di­cate web­site at www. cre­ators.com.

The Hawaii Po­lice Depart­ment is ask­ing for the pub­lic’s help in pro­cess­ing court bench war­rants.

When­ever an in­di­vid­ual ig­nores a court sum­mons or traf­fic ci­ta­tion, the court is­sues a bench war­rant for that per­son’s ar­rest.

Although most peo­ple re­spond to bench war­rants, some do not. Over time, the fail­ure to re­spond has cre­ated a siz­able back­log of bench war­rants.

Although po­lice can go out into the com­mu­nity and make war­rant ar­rests in pub­lic ar­eas or at places of em­ploy­ment, or in front of fam­ily or friends, the Hawaii County Po­lice Depart­ment would pre­fer to have res­i­dents come to the po­lice sta­tion and take care of their bench war­rants.

Be­cause a driver may have for­got­ten about the ci­ta­tion or may not even be aware a bench war­rant has been is­sued for his ar­rest, the po­lice depart­ment will sub­mit to the news me­dia each week a list of names of those sought on out­stand­ing war­rants.

The po­lice ask any­one who rec­og­nizes a friend or fam­ily mem­ber on the list to call that per­son and have him or her call or stop at any po­lice sta­tion. To al­low speedy pro­cess­ing, if a per­son wanted on an out­stand­ing war­rant calls ahead, po­lice will ex­plain the bail amount on the war­rant. For in­for­ma­tion on Kona war­rants call 326-4646, ext. 253.

A name ap­pear­ing on the war­rant list does not mean a per­son is guilty of a crime, only that a judge has is­sued a bench war­rant for fail­ing to ap­pear in court. It is also pos­si­ble that a war­rant on this list has al­ready been served or may have been re­called. The list is ac­cu­rate at the time it is com­piled by po­lice and the courts.

In­di­vid­u­als can find out if they have a mis­de­meanor war­rant or a traf­fic war­rant by go­ing to the Hawaii State Ju­di­ciary’s web­site at www.courts. state.hi.us. From there, click on “eCourt Kokua” and then fol­low the di­rec­tions. In­for­ma­tion about felony war­rants is not yet avail­able on­line.

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