Too selfish, too jealous?
Dear Annie: Am I being selfish and perhaps jealous, too?
My partner of five years, “William,” says he is more comfortable in the company of women than men. William has revealed to me that while he was growing up, his father was domineering and not compassionate or understanding. Instead, William had a close and supportive relationship with his mother.
William is kind, and successful in his field, and we have a warm and loving relationship.
But I feel myself tense up when he makes an effort to become buddies with my female friends. When he “notices” them (pays attention to them in an innocent way) one can see they are flattered and, of course, are drawn to him. I am not comfortable with him developing rapports with my friends.
I would appreciate knowing what you would suggest. Perhaps I should add that I do not fear he’d ever be unfaithful with any of these friends. — Need Advice
Dear Need Advice: Your partner’s warmth toward your friends is an extension of his love for you. Count yourself lucky; I’m sure many women reading this wish their boyfriends or husbands would make more of an effort with their friends. As long as you trust him, and it sounds like you do, you have nothing to worry about. Try to use positive self-talk (about yourself and your relationship) to combat negative, insecure thoughts. The more you indulge in speculation, the more you feed your jealousy — and that green-eyed monster has a way of wreaking havoc where there was none.
Dear Annie: I go out to eat with girlfriends often. One friend in particular has the habit of pulling out her phone halfway through the meal. She then proceeds to show everyone the latest video clips she likes on Facebook or pictures of her grandkids. I feel like this is thoughtless and rude, but I don’t know what to say! The other day at brunch, several other friends copied her after she initiated it and started doing the same thing. Am I the only one who likes conversation anymore or am I out of step? — Speak Up or Put Up?
Dear Speak Up or Put Up: I believe phones belong on the table during a meal no more than elbows do. But I think you might have to let this go for two reasons. One, your friend isn’t ignoring everyone at the table to stare at her phone; she’s using it as a way to share things. Think of it as the modern-day equivalent to passing around wallet photos of the grandkids. And two, you’re outnumbered. You might try proposing a no-phones rule, but be prepared for the group to veto it.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www. creators.com.
The Hawaii Police Department is asking for the public’s help in processing court bench warrants.
Whenever an individual ignores a court summons or traffic citation, the court issues a bench warrant for that person’s arrest.
Although most people respond to bench warrants, some do not. Over time, the failure to respond has created a sizable backlog of bench warrants.
Although police can go out into the community and make warrant arrests in public areas or at places of employment, or in front of family or friends, the Hawaii County Police Department would prefer to have residents come to the police station and take care of their bench warrants.
Because a driver may have forgotten about the citation or may not even be aware a bench warrant has been issued for his arrest, the police department will submit to the news media each week a list of names of those sought on outstanding warrants.
The police ask anyone who recognizes a friend or family member on the list to call that person and have him or her call or stop at any police station. To allow speedy processing, if a person wanted on an outstanding warrant calls ahead, police will explain the bail amount on the warrant. For information on Kona warrants call 326-4646, ext. 253.
A name appearing on the warrant list does not mean a person is guilty of a crime, only that a judge has issued a bench warrant for failing to appear in court. It is also possible that a warrant on this list has already been served or may have been recalled. The list is accurate at the time it is compiled by police and the courts.
Individuals can find out if they have a misdemeanor warrant or a traffic warrant by going to the Hawaii State Judiciary’s website at www.courts. state.hi.us. From there, click on “eCourt Kokua” and then follow the directions. Information about felony warrants is not yet available online.