News with a twist
MEMORY LAPSE GLOBE-TROTTING DUCK
An oversized rubber duck stolen from a New Hampshire family’s home five years ago has returned. After the duck’s disappearance, the Troiano family began receiving cryptic postcards and pictures of it from locations all over the world. A Facebook page documenting the globetrotting of “Gale Ducky” gained a large following. But Gale Ducky recently ended the adventure, returning home with a suitcase full of mementos from 20 countries and cities across the United States and the globe. The duck’s human travel companion remains a mystery.
HIGH ON THE FUMES?
Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani claims that “successful” Police in the southern attacks of terrorism Oregon community never occurred on U.S. soil until of Rogue River made their largest President Barack Obama took pot seizure ever after a man office. Giuliani, of course, was the notified them that he’d stumbled mayor of New York City when the upon a porta potty in a park that World Trade Center’s twin towBeyrsLiswaasNfiellfefdawnidthLmoauriisjuaWnaeipslabnetrs.g were destroyed in the worst ter- Police Chief Ken Lewis said he rorist attack in the nation’s histo- doesn’t know how the pot got ry. George W. Bush was president there. But he speculated the toilet at the time. might have been a pickup place.
DEVIL IN THE CLASSROOM?
The Satanic Temple of Seattle has asked the Mount Vernon School District in the state of Washington for permission to start an after-school program. The group made the request after learning the Good News Bible Club, which is run by the Child Evangelism Fellowship, had a program at a local elementary school. A 1991 U.S. Supreme Court ruling stated that if schools allow any organization to use school property, they must allow access to all organizations, religious and secular. The district is exploring how to handle the conundrum.
LEAVE IT TO BEAVERS
A man and his prosthetic leg have been reunited after two canoers near Wabeno, Wisconsin, saw it sticking out of a beaver dam. Canoers Elliot Fuller and Jason Franklin said they thought it was part of a corpse until they got close enough to pull it out. Searching Craigslist, they found an ad from a man who said he lost a prosthetic limb after his canoe tipped during a July fishing trip. The canoers got a $50 reward.
HIS HEART BELONGS TO DADDY
Her father’s heart recipient recently escorted a Pennsylvania bride down the aisle. Arthur Thomas received the donated organ after a mugger killed the bride’s dad 10 years ago. Jeni Stepien said she was thankful his heart and spirit were able to attend her wedding. Thomas said he couldn’t imagine a greater honor than escorting the daughter of the man who gave him his heart.
Blagojevich, the most recent ex-governor of Illinois to be serving time in federal prison, has always been a big Elvis fan. He was known for peppering his speeches with snippets of his Elvis impersonation. Now comes word that Blago formed a band in the big house called the “The Jailhouse Rockers.” The former governor served as the lead singer, and the group had a 21-song play list. But the group dissolved after the lead guitarist was released. Usually that’s when bands reunite.
THE CUT SEEN ’ROUND THE WORLD
On his way to the Olympics, Michael Phelps got a haircut from an Atlanta barber, then snapped a selfie of himself with his new cut surrounded by a crowd of smiling barbers and customers. The shot quickly received more than 60,000 likes after the record-setting swimmer posted it on Instagram. The caption on his post read, “Thanks to the boys at #vintage barber shop for the nice trim before rio!” Raefus Cox, the barber who gave Phelps the trim, said he watched the Games all week with an extra sense of pride. “I wanted to see my haircut across the world,” Cox said, adding that Phelps is “a pretty cool, a great guy.”
THE DONALD UNVEILED
An anarchist collective known as INDECLINE commissioned and placed five statues of a naked Donald Trump across the nation to protest the Republican presidential nominee’s racism and ignorance. The project was called “The Emperor Has No Balls” — and neither did the statues. The rugs, however, matched the curtains, lending support to the Donald’s claims of authenticity.
Tony Perkins says natural disasters are caused by LGBT people, who bring down the wrath of God on places such as New Orleans and New York. So how does he explain the recent flooding in God-fearing southern Louisiana? And how does he explain why his house was one of many that were demolished?