News with a twist :L*:$*

Wisconsin Gazette - - News - By Lisa Neff & Louis Weis­berg

PEE POT?

So, the owner of Duc’s Place restau­rant in New Haven, Con­necti­cut, has a pot but it’s not to piss in. A sign he placed to keep peo­ple from al­low­ing their dogs to pee in his flow­er­pot re­sulted in a fine against him. The sign read, “Attn: dog own­ers. This is a pay-per-pee flow­er­pot. (Pay in­side or leave your ad­dress and we’ll kindly re­turn the fa­vor.)” The city is­sued ci­ta­tions against Duc’s Place for be­ing a pub­lic nui­sance.

NO PLACE LIKE ‘HOME’

The FBI re­cently re­ported the re­cov­ery of a pair of ruby slip­pers that Judy Gar­land wore in The Wiz­ard of Oz. The slip­pers — one of four pairs known to ex­ist and insured for $1 mil­lion — were stolen from the Judy Gar­land Mu­seum in Grand Rapids, Min­nesota, 13 years ago. Au­thor­i­ties de­clined to de­tail how the shoes were re­cov­ered — or from whom — ex­cept to say they were seized as part of a sting.

SCARE COY­OTES

Goose poop has be­come a ma­jor prob­lem for the folks in Mid­dle­town, Con­necti­cut. But they’ve fig­ured out a way to de­ter it. They’ve placed a pack of plas­tic coy­otes, with mov­able tails, around a play­ground and pond.

GOOD­WILL GANJA?

Law en­force­ment of­fi­cers were called to a thrift store in Sara­sota, Florida, where an em­ployee sort­ing through do­na­tions found 5 pounds of pot. The mar­i­juana was packed in a vac­uum-sealed bag in­side a plas­tic tote. The big ques­tion: Can the donor get a tax de­duc­tion?

MED­I­CAL QUACK­ERY?

Gwyneth Pal­trow’s life­style com­pany — goop — will pay $145,000 in civil penal­ties for claim­ing prod­ucts meant to be in­serted into the vagina im­prove health. Pros­e­cu­tors in eight Cal­i­for­nia coun­ties were in­volved in the case over goop’s claim that in­ser­tion of a Jade Egg or Rose Quartz Egg could bal­ance hor­mones, reg­u­late men­strual cy­cles and im­prove blad­der con­trol.

DON­ALD WHO?

In her pri­mary race against Kevin Nicholson, U.S. Se­nate can­di­date Leah Vuk­mir spent mil­lions of dol­lars on ads high­light­ing her hardright po­si­tions and her un­wa­ver­ing loy­alty to Don­ald Trump and Scott Walker. But a re­cent ad in her cam­paign to un­seat Tammy Bald­win didn’t men­tion ei­ther of those gentle­men. In fact, it failed to men­tion that she’s a con­ser­va­tive — or even a Repub­li­can. In­stead, the ad tries to hu­man­ize her — a feat that will re­quire more than TV com­mer­cials for any­one fa­mil­iar with her record.

TRUMP BOOSTS NIKE SALES

De­spite right-wing back­lash and harsh words from Don­ald Trump, Nike Inc. re­ported a 31 per­cent in­crease in La­bor Day sales after de­but­ing a new ad cam­paign fea­tur­ing Colin Kaeper­nick. The for­mer San Fran­cisco 49ers quar­ter­back started last year’s wave of NFL na­tional an­them protests.

BUT IT WAS FUNNY

Roy Moore, the fiery evan­gel­i­cal for­mer Alabama Supreme Court jus­tice, has filed a $95 mil­lion defama­tion suit against Sacha Baron Co­hen and Show­time. Moore, who lost a U.S. Se­nate race due to al­le­ga­tions he’d stalked and mo­lested un­der­age girls, charges he was por­trayed as a sex of­fender on Co­hen’s se­ries Who Is Amer­ica? Moore ap­peared on the show ex­pect­ing to re­ceive an award for his sup­port of Is­rael. But Co­hen, dis­guised as his fic­tional Is­raeli anti-ter­ror­ism ex­pert Er­ran Mo­rad, waved what he called a “pe­dophile de­tec­tor” near Moore, and the faux gad­get beeped in alarm.

YOU CALL THAT A BAGEL?

For­mer Sex and the City star Cyn­thia Nixon, who chal­lenged in­cum­bent Gov. An­drew Cuomo in New York’s Demo­cratic gu­ber­na­to­rial pri­mary, ig­nited a me­dia frenzy by order­ing a cin­na­mon-raisin bagel with lox, ca­pers, red onions, cream cheese and toma­toes. Kellyanne Con­way‘s hus­band Ge­orge wrote, “Lox her up?” Ru­pert Mur­doch’s New York Post ran a story head­lined: “Cyn­thia Nixon’s bagel or­der is hor­ri­fy­ing.” Some folks tweeted that Nixon was a vic­tim of sex­ism. And, of course, Nixon’s cam­paign used it all for a fundrais­ing ap­peal.

TRUMP AND THE HOLY GHOST

U.S. Sen. Todd Young, R-In­di­ana, tweeted that he’s de­liv­er­ing a quilt to Don­ald Trump that was made by an 85-year-old South Bend woman who claims she was fol­low­ing in­struc­tions from the Holy Ghost. Betty Alexan­der’s quilt fea­tures a red, white and blue bor­der around an Amer­i­can flag. Alexan­der says she thinks Trump’s mother was into quilt­ing, but we kind of doubt it.

DINE AND DASH

The long arm of the law has fi­nally caught the “Dine-and-Dash Dater,” a mid­dle-age Romeo who in­vited women on­line to dine at ex­pen­sive restau­rants, then lit­er­ally left them hold­ing the check. Los An­ge­les pros­e­cu­tors hit the fine-din­ing Lothario with 11 felony counts of ex­tor­tion. Bur­bank po­lice also have an in­ter­est in Paul Gon­za­les, 45, but for a dif­fer­ent rea­son. There, he’s known as the “Dye and Dasher,” for skip­ping out on sa­lons with­out pay­ing for his col­or­ing bill. Once he fled a sa­lon still wear­ing a towel around his neck.

QUEER WIN­NER

Queer Eye won the Emmy for Best Struc­tured Re­al­ity Pro­gram, beat­ing out Shark Tank, An­tiques Road­show, Fixer Up­per, Who Do You Think You

Are? and Lip Sync Bat­tle. The re­boot of Bravo’s Queer Eye for the Straight

Guy also took home Em­mys for Best Cast­ing for a Struc­tured Re­al­ity Pro­gram and for Out­stand­ing Pic­ture Edit­ing in the same cat­e­gory.

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