Real Talk

It’s not fair my tod­dler gets to melt down and I don’t. It’s NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR.

Working Mother - - Contents -

“We wish!” re­ac­tions to ev­ery­day work and home an­noy­ances.

Tantrum 1

Per­son Run­ning Tuesday’s Sales Call: Hey! Just re­mind­ing you about that 4:45 con­fer­ence call! Want to make sure you’re there for it so ev­ery­one on the team is on the same page!

Me: NO NO NOOOOOOO! *throws self onto floor and cries into low-pile acrylic car­pet­ing* I don’t want to be on the sales call! You don’t … *sniff * You don’t even need me on the call to *sniff * say any­thing. You al­ways say it’ll be short, but these calls al­ways take at least 45 min­utes be­cause Michael never stops talk­ing! *con­tin­u­ous sob­bing*

Per­son Run­ning Tuesday’s Sales Call: Now let’s be rea­son­able. Can we please be rea­son­able?

Me: *emits un­be­liev­ably high-pitched shriek while kick­ing the base of some­one’s desk* I AM BE­ING REA­SON­ABLE! *pushes swivel chair an­grily into mid­dle of open-plan of­fice space where it does not hit any­thing be­cause of the spar­sity of the fur­nish­ings* I WANT TO GO HOME AT 5 BE­CAUSE I WORKED HARD ALL DAY AND THERE IS NO REA­SON FOR ME TO BE ON THIS CON­FER­ENCE CALL WHEN THIS IS NOT EVEN MY DEPART­MENT. I WANT TO GO HOME! I WANT TO GO HOME!

Tantrum 2

Spouse: Hey, if you get a chance to do laun­dry tonight or to­mor­row, I’m not sure I have any clean un­der­shirts.

Me: *vi­o­lently kicks over wicker clothes ham­per* I DON’T WANNA! I DON’T WANNA! I DON’T WANNA DO THAT. *tears stream down cheeks* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. YOU’RE A GROWN PER­SON WITH TWO MAS­TER’S DE­GREES WHO CAN FIG­URE OUT HOW TO USE A WASH­ING MA­CHINE. I DON’T WANNAAAAA! *screams and cries*

Spouse: Whoa, what’s go­ing on? Let’s try to calm down.

Me: I DON’T WANT TO CALM DOWN. *rivulets of tears and snot run down face* I WANNA DO ONLY MY LAUN­DRY! *re­peat­edly hits front of wash­ing ma­chine with palms of hands* *flings de­ter­gent at wall* I WORKED OVER EIGHT HOURS TO­DAY AND IT’S NOT FAIR I HAVE TO DO THE LAUN­DRY AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT! IT’S NOT FAIR! I DON’T WANNA DO THE— *voice be­comes so shrill and high-pitched that words are no longer de­ci­pher­able.*

Tantrum 3

Day­care Provider: Thank you for call­ing to let us know you were stuck on a con­fer­ence call that ran long. Just a re­minder that you were still 16 min­utes late pick­ing up Sa­muel, so you’ll be charged an ex­tra $16.

Me: AAAHHHH *kicks re­claimed barn­wood shoe cubby* NO NO NO, NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR *kicks re­cep­tion­ist’s Her­man Miller Aeron chair* *an­grily tears dec­o­ra­tions off Dr. Seuss’ birth­day mu­ral* *kicks and knocks over sand and wa­ter sen­sory ta­ble* *hurls shoe across the room*

Day­care Provider: We do not tol­er­ate this sort of be­hav­ior. Use your words.

Me: *takes deep breath* Par­don me. With all due re­spect, after the week I’ve had, most of the words I’m think­ing you would prob­a­bly rather not hear.

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