I don’t like my daughter’s lover

Please note that Sis Noe is not a medical doctor but an elderly woman who has almost seen it all. She is a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and aunt to many people. Those that require medical attention please visit the nearest clinic or hospital. Sis Noe is flattered by your confidence in her. Bombard her with social issues/problems — she will be of much help to you. MY daughter wants to get married to a man who is totally wrong for her. I fear that the marriage will not last because the man has been divorced twice. She says we must allow her to marry the man she wants because we allowed our other daughter to marry. We are not rich but we do well as a family but I fear spending money on a wedding that is doomed. Reply You can’t discriminate between your girls and you can’t presume anything. Who knows? This marriage might just work out and surprise you all. If the wedding goes ahead, plaster on a smile, be positive and keep everything crossed. She is an adult and has a right to make her own decisions whether they are right or wrong. You told her what you think of her man, she still wants to get married to him so there is nothing you can do. Let them marry.

My husband and I live with his mother. The problem is that she wants us to do everything with her. We can’t go out without her. If we leave her at home she complains that we left her alone. When my husband buys me gifts she expects to get something as well. I am beginning to hate her even though I know it’s wrong. — Worried. Reply It’s admirable of your husband to consider his mother, but it’s really not necessary for her to spend every special occasion with you. This is not about excluding her — it’s about you and him sharing special time in order to nurture your relationship. I suggest complete honesty. Let your husband be upfront with her. He should respectfully explain that he wants to spend some time alone with you. He must tell her that he loves her but she cannot compete with you. You are his wife — his life partner — therefore there are certain privileges that are for you and you alone. This is not a competition.

My husband wants me to be a career woman but I want to be a mother. We have one son who is oneyear-old and I want two more children but he is not interested. He wants us to make money. I rarely have time with my son because I am always out looking for money. — Help. Reply You need to impress upon your man that your child is your priority right now. Maybe you will go back to work in the future, but your son is still only a year old and needs you. Tell him you don’t care about your image or what his friends think of you as a couple, but you hope he cares about your happiness and peace of mind. Explain that having your child is the most important job you will ever undertake and you don’t appreciate him undermining your efforts. Insist he drops this matter and concentrates on supporting you, loving your child and enjoying every precious day you have as a family.

Hi Sis Noe Ever since my husband retired he has become a problem. Whenever I want to buy something he complains about the cost. He is always bothering me because he has nothing else to do. Reply Adapting to retirement after a busy career is incredibly difficult, which is why he is probably trying to take on your role. Clearly he still has a lot to give, so calmly discuss what he could do next. Above all, you have to keep communicating. He needs to understand his role at home and you need to be patient with him. Urge him to find a hobby that will take up most his time. Being idle is the reason he is taking out his frustrations on you.

How can I make sure that my boyfriend does not cheat on me and sleep with other women? He has a bad reputation but he says he has changed. Reply Your new boyfriend needs to understand that he has got some work to do. Your relationship may be exciting right now, but try to keep a clear head and remember what he is capable of. Tell him you want to take things slowly because you are determined to protect yourself from hurt and ridicule. If he is serious about you, he needs to prove that with honesty and total transparency. He also needs to discuss with you why he always cheated in the past. What were the triggers (alcohol/boredom?) and patterns, and how can they be broken?

Hi Sis Noe I was fired from work last year and as a result most of my friends abandoned me and my girlfriend left me. Now I have found a dream job and those fake friends now want to be in my life. My ex-girlfriend wants me back. When I was fired one of the people who stuck with me is a female friend I have fallen in love with. What should I do? Reply Sadly, it’s a fact of life that people often let us down when we are most in need. They think of themselves and worry that they are going to get landed with favours and extra responsibilities. But whatever happens, don’t allow this recent experience to make you bitter. At least you know you have a true friend and lover in this friend who stuck around. Don’t leave her for the ex who is certainly and without a shadow of doubt a gold digger. As for the fake friends, you know they are fake so stay away from them. They don’t deserve to be in the same room with you.

My friend lost my pencil heel shoes that my boyfriend had bought for me. She came to my house and lied to my sister that I had given her permission to wear them to some party. She got drunk and lost one of the shoes. I asked her to replace them but she says she can’t afford. The bigger problem is that my boyfriend is asking me about them and I always lie. Reply It’s unfortunate that your friend is not willing to take any responsibility or make amends. Why did she ever think that taking your shoes without your permission was a good idea? I suggest you take a deep breath and come clean with your partner. As for your friend, perhaps she is not the person you thought she was. The fact is that the shoes have now gone and are not coming back. Is this matter worth losing a friend over, or is it now time to draw a line and move on? Only you can decide.