Dan­ger­ous love

Sunday News (Zimbabwe) - - Relationships/health/news -

TOO much of any­thing is dan­ger­ous! If there is one dan­ger­ous thing in life, it is lov­ing too much. I know when madly in love it is dif­fi­cult to tol­er­ate the idea that one day that same per­son might dis­ap­point you and break your heart, so truth be told, do not love too much.

I have re­alised that most peo­ple who love most are the ones with high rate of get­ting dis­ap­point­ments in re­la­tion­ships and to make it worse fail to ac­cept life’s fate and move on. Un­for­tu­nately some of them even go on to com­mit crimes of pas­sion or do the ‘‘un­think­able’’.

I know when it comes to mat­ters of the heart, it is easy to lose con­trol de­spite try­ing to be of the Hard Hearted Foundation, but the se­cret is to know the lim­its and try to con­trol your­self. The se­cret is to love mod­er­ate and after-all this is­sue of love has al­ways been com­pli­cated.

Al­though it is dif­fi­cult to de­fine what constitutes ex­ces­sive­ness in love, char­ac­ter­is­ing love as “too much” im­plies that some dam­age has been done — ei­ther to the lover or the beloved. When in­tense love blinds our sight and makes one act im­prop­erly, peo­ple may say that such in­tense love is too much. A re­mark such as, “I couldn’t help it, I was madly in love with her/him,” in­di­cates that some­times love can be ex­ces­sive.

It is sad that in the name of love some peo­ple have sac­ri­ficed their lives, hap­pi­ness and free­dom just to men­tion a few. With­out re­al­is­ing, love turns to hurt you and that is the rea­son I be­lieve peo­ple must not love too much. There are women beaten every­day and some have even be­come dis­abled be­cause they love too much. It is not love, but fool­ish­ness!

Emo­tions might be harm­ful when they are ex­ces­sive. Emo­tional ex­cess is harm­ful for the same rea­sons that other kinds of ex­cess are harm­ful. As in other emo­tions, ex­ces­sive­ness in love can im­pede the lover from see­ing a broader per­spec­tive. It has been ar­gued that it is im­pos­si­ble to love and be wise be­cause in gen­eral when you look at ac­tions of peo­ple who love too much, you can even doubt their san­ity. In African cul­ture that is the rea­son such peo­ple are al­ways said to have been be­witched.

Lov­ing too much can be prob­lem­atic when it hurts the lover, which typ­i­cally oc­curs in the long term. The lover’s in­tense love might be ex­ces­sive in the sense that it pre­vents one from re­al­is­ing the true na­ture of the re­la­tion­ship. For ex­am­ple, those who love too much never no­tice or ad­mit that their re­la­tion­ship has no fu­ture be­cause they come to live in their own world. With such love they even fail to see their part­ner’s faults and when the bomb­shell drops, they cry the most when it was writ­ten all over. Sorry, we can­not feel sorry for such peo­ple who choose to be blind! Never waste your time lov­ing too much, es­pe­cially some­one who does not give it back.

Peo­ple, es­pe­cially men who love too much of­ten keep in­vest­ing in a re­la­tion­ship that has no chance of sur­viv­ing as their beloved one does not love them to the same ex­tent and when re­al­ity strikes they want to cry foul when they had cho­sen to put their own lives at a halt and made a wrong in­vest­ment on a per­son who can shift goals any­time.

Lov­ing too much may also hurt the beloved. A typ­i­cal ex­am­ple of this is when the lover does not al­low the beloved to en­joy suf­fi­cient pri­vate space. Hey, ev­ery­one needs his/her space in life. We are tired of in­ci­dents where you are told that a cer­tain man killed his girl­friend out of love. It should be nor­mal love, not dan­ger­ous one! Smoth­er­ing some­one with love does not prove that you love them. Rather, it dis­plays signs of in­se­cu­rity and self­ish­ness. There is noth­ing wrong with show­er­ing your sig­nif­i­cant other with your undying love and at­ten­tion, but the truth is, the more you suf­fo­cate them with love and at­ten­tion, the fur­ther away you are push­ing them.

When you re­ally think about it, lov­ing some­one does not mean you have to breathe down their necks and keep tabs on them ev­ery minute of ev­ery day thereby los­ing focus of your life. When you focus on the per­son and love him/her too much then you tend to push your friends, fam­ily, work and all of the other things, aside. It is dan­ger­ous to have your life re­volv­ing around one thing and the day it comes to an end is the usual rea­son one finds him/her­self with­out a pur­pose for liv­ing. Lov­ing too much makes you over-pos­ses­sive and crowds your part­ner’s space, lead­ing them to feel suf­fo­cated. Fi­nally, bit­ter­ness comes in and love changes its colour. When it hap­pens, you will be left heart­bro­ken. By lov­ing too much there is no guar­an­tee for life­time hap­pi­ness, but dis­ap­point­ment as you will not be at par with your part­ner.

Lov­ing too much, car­ing too much and ex­pect­ing too much from some­one are the key in­gre­di­ents that will lead you to be­ing hurt, dis­ap­pointed and in pain.

Share your views on What­sApp 0712978471.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Zimbabwe

© PressReader. All rights reserved.