My hus­band wants a sec­ond wife

The Manica Post - - Fashion/from My Heart/dateline - Bar­bara Vhengedza

FROM My Heart is a plat­form cre­ated for you to share your is­sues and get prac­ti­cal as­sis­tance. To­gether we can cre­ate brighter lives and hap­pier peo­ple, trans­form­ing mind­sets one day at a time. Send your heart to heart mes­sage to Tete Bar­bara and read her re­sponses.

Dear Tete

I have been mar­ried for over two years with­out any is­sues. Late last year I had a baby girl and soon af­ter­wards, I dis­cov­ered that my hus­band was hav­ing an af­fair with a younger girl who was preg­nant. I con­fronted my man about what I had heard, but he sim­ply dis­missed it as vi­cious ru­mours that were aimed at de­stroy­ing our mar­riage. Four days ago he came to me and told me that he wanted to take a sec­ond wife. I am bro­ken. I never dreamt of be­com­ing a wife in a polyg­a­mous setup. Tete Re­sponds:

You are in charge of your life and there­fore you should be in con­trol of the sit­u­a­tion. Yes, you may be in shock, but you must shape up and get back on the horse. Your hus­band has come clean on his po­si­tion and now the ball is in your court. Talk to your hus­band and find out what this whole set up means. If you do not agree with the idea, you are old enough to de­cide. Also, if you are legally mar­ried, find out about what you can do to pro­tect your­self in the union. You know what you want and what you are pre­pared to take.

All the Best!

I am not ready to marry her Dear Tete

I am a 28-year-old guy em­ployed as a banker. I have been dat­ing this girl for a few months and al­ready she has been drop­ping hints of want­ing to get mar­ried. I am cool with dat­ing, but mar­riage, no way! She has th­ese funny lit­tle mes­sages that en­cour­age mar­riage and she has mar­ried friends. I think she is a nice girl, but I think I should call it off and find some­one who wants to have fun. Tete Re­sponds:

It is com­mon for a part­ner in a re­la­tion­ship to feel more com­fort­able than the other party and see ahead. When a woman feels happy and se­cure she ob­vi­ously wants to har­ness the trea­sure and keep them for her­self. There is noth­ing strong with any­one feel­ing like they have found a keeper in you. If any­thing you should feel proud to have those very at­trac­tive char­ac­ter­is­tics that are rare th­ese days. I sug­gest that you do not dump your sweet and won­der­ful catch, rather talk more about your fu­ture plans. With a clear vi­sion — life be­comes eas­ier to nav­i­gate as you both have a clear vi­sion of where it is you would like to be. If she can­not wait, then tough luck. Re­mem­ber, when you find that spe­cial some­one, keep them! Good Luck!

I am HIV pos­i­tive

Dear Tete

I have HIV, but I can­not tell my fa­ther. My mother and I have been keep­ing this se­cret for a long time and now I feel that the bur­den is too much to carry. I would like to let my fa­ther know, but he is a vi­cious and crude man. He may choose to chuck me out. My mother can also suf­fer be­cause of my con­di­tion. Please help me. Tete Re­sponds:

It is sad that dis­clos­ing some­thing like an HIV sta­tus is still dif­fi­cult for many. Your de­sire to in­form your fa­ther about your sta­tus is com­mend­able, but the con­cern is the fear of reach­ing out. You need to work on your per­sonal re­la­tion­ship first be­fore weigh­ing an al­ready strained re­la­tion­ship. Talk to your fa­ther more and find his good side. Know him and let him know you too. When the time presents it­self you will find it easy to share your se­cret. Al­ter­na­tively, you can find some­one who can reach out to him with­out caus­ing dam­age.

All The Best

◆ For more top­i­cal dis­cus­sions tune into Di­a­mond Fm on 103.8FM or Livestream on www.di­a­mondfm. on Mon­day-Fri­day 3-6pm (HomeBound) Wed­nes­day 8-9pm (Her Story) and Satur­day7-8am (The Cush­ion). You can send an email to bar­b­v­

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