Morgan and Joice are beginning to excite

MY HEART bleeds for Comrade Chinx. What a jolly good comrade? Shamwari yeropa. Music was his gun. 2 Timothy 4 vs 7 comforts me: “I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.”

You fought a good fight Cde Chinx! You have finished your race! And you kept the faith! Sing for them in the world beyond! Till we meet again —Roger Confirm!

Dear congregants, if you see me walking around with a swag, forgive me — ndapinda, ndapinda pamamonya ipapo. Kwanzi Bishop Lazarus is Nathaniel Manheru and kwanzi Nathaniel Manheru is the permanent secretary in the Ministry of Information, Media and Broadcasting Services, Cde George Charamba.

What else can I ask for? If you didn’t know, this George Charamba is the presidential spokesperson. I mean the spokesperson for President Mugabe. Gushungo pachavo! Zvangu zvaita kani maihwiii!

But then don’t let the mischievous lead you astray, don’t let them plant funny ideas in your innocent heads and as for me, I am not getting carried away at all. I am always guided by the wise words by Anthony Hopkins who said:

“My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.” So you see, I am very much at ease.

Now, let the sermon begin. Former Deputy Prime Minister Professor Arthur Mutambara up to this day still overrates himself. On the other hand, Joice Mujuru is beginning to really excite this Bishop while Morgan Tsvangirai is trying in vain to look a bit sophisticated. At the same time, Saviour “Tyson” Kasukuwere has been left to stew for a while.

Let’s begin with Tyson. We won’t waste much time on this one since Tyson’s fate was sealed many moons ago. The Zanu-PF Politburo met last week and very interesting developments took place during the Politburo meeting, whose tremors we will soon feel.

After meeting for a good tense hours, Tyson was left to stew for a while. Reports say a few messages saying “good show”, “thanks boss” and “let’s keep up the fight,” were sent immediately after the Politburo meeting.

Well, Bishop Lazarus is tempted to laugh, but then Tyson’s political life is on the line and this is no laughing matter. This is not a laughing matter because “mudhara vachauya.” Anyway, let’s watch the space.

Prof Mutambara last week launched his book entitled; “In Search of the Elusive Zimbabwean Dream — An Autobiography of Thought Leadership, Vol. 1.” These professors, kikikiki! You ask yourself, asi chikoro hachina basa? Mutambara of all the people think he has done so much that he deserves three Volumes? Three Volumes of what?

No wonder why Ibbo Mandaza expressed reservations that this bunch of speeches would be difficult to sell. There is nothing that shows any thought leadership in that Volume 1 and there is nothing that hints on an elusive dream. Hapana kana zviripo. Kutungana kwembudzi as usual. The professor is refusing to grow.

But wait a minute dear congregants! This professor thinks we can’t see the game he is trying to play. He went away soon after his university years and came back to become a Deputy Prime Minister. He then went away again and he thinks now is the time to reappear again. Ari kuona kamukana so. Very clever handiti?

Well, the professor came, we saw and to be honest we were not impressed at all. The only lasting image in our minds from his time as Deputy PM, is his image speaking bombastically but with no much substance. He seemed like the cartoon while Morgan was the puppet during the inclusive Government. Of course, he gave the media good sound bites and yes he made us laugh a lot but zvekuzoti pakazoita thought leadership, uuummmm, ngatirege kunyeberana. Is there anyone out there who remembers anything worthy to refer to as thought leadership that Prof Mutambara contributed during his days as VP?

We now know the truth and we won’t be fooled again. This second coming is not innocent at all.

I really hope the professor has come back with more jokes because that is what I know he is very good at.

While Prof Mutambara is coming back with his jokes, Joice is beginning to be serious. She is beginning to talk tough and giving direction to opposition politics.

These past few weeks, Joice made two very important pronouncements that are set to haunt the opposition until we go for elections in 2018.

First, Joice put her foot down in ways that must have jerked Morgan out of his comfort zone. Without mincing her words, Joice declared that boycotting elections in 2018 was not an option.

“That is not an option (boycotting). As a party, we are in these talks for a coalition to work on how best we can have the electoral field levelled, but boycotting is not our strategy …

“I know there are some, especially the youth, who might feel the need to boycott by not voting, or registering to vote in next year’s elections. That’s very wrong. There is no need to boycott elections,” said Joice.

Good going Joice. With this endless talk about electoral reforms and so on, we know Morgan as usual will chicken out and start talking about boycotting elections. We are tired of these boycotts because to be honest, they have never worked. Zanu-PF doesn’t care. Elections will be held whether Morgan boycotts them or not. So kudos to you Joice. Keep knocking sense into Morgan’s head.

But Joice really excited me on the second issue. “We want someone who can also unite and appeal to those who fought the war, those in the army, as well as those in the farms.

“This is because some fear that if someone else becomes the leader they will lose their farms, or those in the army will be blamed for certain things and those in the police will be blamed for certain things. And those people will be happy to hear that they have one of their own,” said Joice as she de-campaigned Morgan in the race to lead the opposition coalition.

Look, real freedom fighters have lost all respect for Joice.

She should not continue fooling people that she still commands any respect among real war veterans. She is no longer one of them. Joice naMorris Nyathi same, same now. But hey, let’s give it to her, through that statement Joice told Morgan that he is viewed by many as a sell-out. In fact, Joice has just told Morgan that “you are a sell-out and can’t lead the coalition.” They call it being brutally honest.

On his part, Morgan has decided to up the game. Against the tide in his party, Morgan just woke up singing the sweetest song regarding the Biometric Voter Registration (BVR) and the decision to award the tender to supply the BVR kits to a Chinese company.

“I want to tell you, BVR will not be manipulated … These Chinese were chosen by the United Nations and have done work in other countries. Do not be scared or doubt them just because they are Chinese,” said Morgan.

MDC-T spokesperson Obert Gutu, who had previously expressed reservations over the Chinese firm’s capacity was forced to eat humble pie. With his long tail between the legs, Gutu suddenly made a U-turn saying Tsvangirai’s pronouncements annulled all other statements from the party.

If one looks at it superficially, it seems as if Morgan akumhanya mushini but no, he is implementing orders from the usual bosses. You see, Morgan was told by the Deputy assistant Secretary, Bureau of African Affairs at the United State Department Carol O’Connell that his party was confusing voters by continuing to cast doubt on the BVR kits. The lady told Morgan that by continuing to cast doubts on the BVR kits, the opposition was fuelling voter apathy among its supporters, a move that could benefit Zanu-PF.

“Yes, madam! Yes, Nkosi yami! Yes, yes,” Morgan responded and so he immediately went against the Obert Gutus of this wonderful world. When the real owners of the party give orders, there is no room for objections.

So going forward, let’s get ready again for another surprise. Morgan will soon wake up and say “reforms or no reforms we are contesting the 2018 elections,” because that is what the funders and sponsors will order him to do. Kuita kuchekeresa munhu. That is what capitalists do when they are fed up with you.

This fits perfectly well in the Zanu-PF scheme of things. Kuwira dzoga mutswanda. Joice and Morgan are finally coming to the party.

Bishop is out!