Mor­gan and Joice are begin­ning to ex­cite

The Sunday Mail (Zimbabwe) - - ANALYSIS & OPINION -

MY HEART bleeds for Com­rade Chinx. What a jolly good com­rade? Shamwari yeropa. Mu­sic was his gun. 2 Ti­mothy 4 vs 7 com­forts me: “I have fought the good fight. I have fin­ished the race. I have kept the faith.”

You fought a good fight Cde Chinx! You have fin­ished your race! And you kept the faith! Sing for them in the world be­yond! Till we meet again —Roger Con­firm!

Dear con­gre­gants, if you see me walk­ing around with a swag, for­give me — ndapinda, ndapinda pa­ma­monya ipapo. Kwanzi Bishop Lazarus is Nathaniel Man­heru and kwanzi Nathaniel Man­heru is the per­ma­nent sec­re­tary in the Min­istry of In­for­ma­tion, Me­dia and Broad­cast­ing Ser­vices, Cde Ge­orge Charamba.

What else can I ask for? If you didn’t know, this Ge­orge Charamba is the pres­i­den­tial spokesper­son. I mean the spokesper­son for Pres­i­dent Mu­gabe. Gushungo pachavo! Zvangu zvaita kani mai­h­wiii!

But then don’t let the mischievous lead you astray, don’t let them plant funny ideas in your in­no­cent heads and as for me, I am not get­ting car­ried away at all. I am al­ways guided by the wise words by An­thony Hopkins who said:

“My phi­los­o­phy is: It’s none of my busi­ness what peo­ple say and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I ex­pect noth­ing and ac­cept ev­ery­thing. And it makes life so much eas­ier.” So you see, I am very much at ease.

Now, let the ser­mon be­gin. For­mer Deputy Prime Min­is­ter Pro­fes­sor Arthur Mu­tam­bara up to this day still over­rates him­self. On the other hand, Joice Mu­juru is begin­ning to re­ally ex­cite this Bishop while Mor­gan Ts­van­gi­rai is try­ing in vain to look a bit so­phis­ti­cated. At the same time, Saviour “Tyson” Ka­sukuwere has been left to stew for a while.

Let’s be­gin with Tyson. We won’t waste much time on this one since Tyson’s fate was sealed many moons ago. The Zanu-PF Polit­buro met last week and very in­ter­est­ing de­vel­op­ments took place dur­ing the Polit­buro meet­ing, whose tremors we will soon feel.

Af­ter meet­ing for a good tense hours, Tyson was left to stew for a while. Re­ports say a few mes­sages say­ing “good show”, “thanks boss” and “let’s keep up the fight,” were sent im­me­di­ately af­ter the Polit­buro meet­ing.

Well, Bishop Lazarus is tempted to laugh, but then Tyson’s po­lit­i­cal life is on the line and this is no laugh­ing mat­ter. This is not a laugh­ing mat­ter be­cause “mud­hara vachauya.” Any­way, let’s watch the space.

Prof Mu­tam­bara last week launched his book en­ti­tled; “In Search of the Elu­sive Zim­bab­wean Dream — An Au­to­bi­og­ra­phy of Thought Lead­er­ship, Vol. 1.” These pro­fes­sors, kikikiki! You ask your­self, asi chikoro hachina basa? Mu­tam­bara of all the peo­ple think he has done so much that he de­serves three Vol­umes? Three Vol­umes of what?

No won­der why Ibbo Man­daza ex­pressed reser­va­tions that this bunch of speeches would be dif­fi­cult to sell. There is noth­ing that shows any thought lead­er­ship in that Vol­ume 1 and there is noth­ing that hints on an elu­sive dream. Ha­pana kana zviripo. Ku­tun­gana kwem­budzi as usual. The pro­fes­sor is re­fus­ing to grow.

But wait a minute dear con­gre­gants! This pro­fes­sor thinks we can’t see the game he is try­ing to play. He went away soon af­ter his univer­sity years and came back to be­come a Deputy Prime Min­is­ter. He then went away again and he thinks now is the time to reap­pear again. Ari kuona ka­mukana so. Very clever han­d­iti?

Well, the pro­fes­sor came, we saw and to be hon­est we were not im­pressed at all. The only last­ing im­age in our minds from his time as Deputy PM, is his im­age speak­ing bom­bas­ti­cally but with no much sub­stance. He seemed like the car­toon while Mor­gan was the pup­pet dur­ing the in­clu­sive Gov­ern­ment. Of course, he gave the me­dia good sound bites and yes he made us laugh a lot but zveku­zoti paka­zoita thought lead­er­ship, uu­um­mmm, ngatirege kun­ye­ber­ana. Is there any­one out there who re­mem­bers any­thing wor­thy to re­fer to as thought lead­er­ship that Prof Mu­tam­bara con­trib­uted dur­ing his days as VP?

We now know the truth and we won’t be fooled again. This sec­ond com­ing is not in­no­cent at all.

I re­ally hope the pro­fes­sor has come back with more jokes be­cause that is what I know he is very good at.

While Prof Mu­tam­bara is com­ing back with his jokes, Joice is begin­ning to be se­ri­ous. She is begin­ning to talk tough and giv­ing di­rec­tion to op­po­si­tion pol­i­tics.

These past few weeks, Joice made two very im­por­tant pro­nounce­ments that are set to haunt the op­po­si­tion un­til we go for elec­tions in 2018.

First, Joice put her foot down in ways that must have jerked Mor­gan out of his com­fort zone. With­out minc­ing her words, Joice de­clared that boy­cotting elec­tions in 2018 was not an op­tion.

“That is not an op­tion (boy­cotting). As a party, we are in these talks for a coali­tion to work on how best we can have the elec­toral field lev­elled, but boy­cotting is not our strat­egy …

“I know there are some, es­pe­cially the youth, who might feel the need to boy­cott by not vot­ing, or reg­is­ter­ing to vote in next year’s elec­tions. That’s very wrong. There is no need to boy­cott elec­tions,” said Joice.

Good go­ing Joice. With this end­less talk about elec­toral re­forms and so on, we know Mor­gan as usual will chicken out and start talk­ing about boy­cotting elec­tions. We are tired of these boy­cotts be­cause to be hon­est, they have never worked. Zanu-PF doesn’t care. Elec­tions will be held whether Mor­gan boy­cotts them or not. So ku­dos to you Joice. Keep knock­ing sense into Mor­gan’s head.

But Joice re­ally ex­cited me on the sec­ond is­sue. “We want some­one who can also unite and ap­peal to those who fought the war, those in the army, as well as those in the farms.

“This is be­cause some fear that if some­one else be­comes the leader they will lose their farms, or those in the army will be blamed for cer­tain things and those in the po­lice will be blamed for cer­tain things. And those peo­ple will be happy to hear that they have one of their own,” said Joice as she de-cam­paigned Mor­gan in the race to lead the op­po­si­tion coali­tion.

Look, real free­dom fight­ers have lost all re­spect for Joice.

She should not con­tinue fool­ing peo­ple that she still com­mands any re­spect among real war veter­ans. She is no longer one of them. Joice naMor­ris Ny­athi same, same now. But hey, let’s give it to her, through that state­ment Joice told Mor­gan that he is viewed by many as a sell-out. In fact, Joice has just told Mor­gan that “you are a sell-out and can’t lead the coali­tion.” They call it be­ing bru­tally hon­est.

On his part, Mor­gan has de­cided to up the game. Against the tide in his party, Mor­gan just woke up singing the sweet­est song re­gard­ing the Bio­met­ric Voter Reg­is­tra­tion (BVR) and the de­ci­sion to award the ten­der to sup­ply the BVR kits to a Chi­nese com­pany.

“I want to tell you, BVR will not be ma­nip­u­lated … These Chi­nese were cho­sen by the United Na­tions and have done work in other coun­tries. Do not be scared or doubt them just be­cause they are Chi­nese,” said Mor­gan.

MDC-T spokesper­son Obert Gutu, who had pre­vi­ously ex­pressed reser­va­tions over the Chi­nese firm’s ca­pac­ity was forced to eat hum­ble pie. With his long tail be­tween the legs, Gutu sud­denly made a U-turn say­ing Ts­van­gi­rai’s pro­nounce­ments an­nulled all other state­ments from the party.

If one looks at it su­per­fi­cially, it seems as if Mor­gan akumhanya mushini but no, he is im­ple­ment­ing or­ders from the usual bosses. You see, Mor­gan was told by the Deputy as­sis­tant Sec­re­tary, Bureau of African Af­fairs at the United State Depart­ment Carol O’Con­nell that his party was con­fus­ing vot­ers by con­tin­u­ing to cast doubt on the BVR kits. The lady told Mor­gan that by con­tin­u­ing to cast doubts on the BVR kits, the op­po­si­tion was fu­elling voter ap­a­thy among its sup­port­ers, a move that could ben­e­fit Zanu-PF.

“Yes, madam! Yes, Nkosi yami! Yes, yes,” Mor­gan re­sponded and so he im­me­di­ately went against the Obert Gu­tus of this won­der­ful world. When the real own­ers of the party give or­ders, there is no room for ob­jec­tions.

So go­ing for­ward, let’s get ready again for an­other sur­prise. Mor­gan will soon wake up and say “re­forms or no re­forms we are con­test­ing the 2018 elec­tions,” be­cause that is what the fun­ders and spon­sors will or­der him to do. Kuita kuchek­eresa munhu. That is what cap­i­tal­ists do when they are fed up with you.

This fits per­fectly well in the Zanu-PF scheme of things. Kuwira dzoga mutswanda. Joice and Mor­gan are fi­nally com­ing to the party.

Bishop is out!

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