Mudz­imba

The Sunday Mail (Zimbabwe) - - COMPETITION - Write to: maichisamba@fb­net.co.zw or What­sApp 0771415747

Un­happy and ex­pect­ing

I am a lady aged 21, I have a se­ri­ous is­sue that I need re­solved. When I was 19 I dated this guy and re­ally fell for him. We were in­ti­mate and he promised to marry me. He then went to South Africa and we com­mu­ni­cated for a while un­til he just went quiet. I did not know that he had lost his phone and so I tried to get in touch with him for seven months un­til I gave up on it. I then started see­ing an­other guy in Fe­bru­ary but I was not re­ally as in­ter­ested in him as I had been with my old flame. It just so hap­pened that this guy from South Africa came back in June and started look­ing for me door-to-door in my old neigh­bour­hood not know­ing that we had moved. He fi­nally found me but I told him I was now with some­one else. I told my cur­rent boyfriend what had hap­pened and how I still loved my old flame. He was jeal­ous and forced him­self on to me in July of this year. Now I feel sick, I think I am preg­nant. He says that he knows I am preg­nant and he did it in­ten­tion­ally. He will never let me go. I risk los­ing my job be­cause I am preg­nant and I am the bread­win­ner. I work as a maid. I also do not want to be re­spon­si­ble for tar­nish­ing my par­ents' good name.

Re­sponse

Dear writer at 21 I ex­pect you to do bet­ter in terms of rea­son­ing be­cause you are a ma­jor. You date some­one for a few solid years be­fore he goes to South Africa. He then al­legedly loses his phone and is un­able to con­tact you for seven months. How can you just be­lieve such a story? If he re­ally wanted to get in touch with you he had so many op­tions at his dis­posal. He could have opted for a pub­lic phone or just asked some­one to help him con­tact you. From your let­ter he did not try as hard as you, why? Seven months is a long time. Af­ter this you fell in love with a guy you had no feel­ings for; again I ask why? This is not a game. You truly need to com­mit be­cause it in­volves emo­tions and you can­not play with that. You should put your­self in this guy's shoes how would you feel if some­one did this to you? Your story is stranger than fiction. The guy who ig­nored you for seven months jumped onto the scene and searched for you door-to-door. Vasikana tipeiwo ma se­ri­ous this does not add up at all. Af­ter the South Africa guy came in June you felt that the sparks were still there so what were you still do­ing with the other guy in July? You are con­fused, it seems you re­ally do not know what you want. I urge you to go for a preg­nancy test. Do not treat these guys like kids. In my view these guys do not trust you any­more be­cause of what you told them. You knew you were a bread­win­ner but your pri­or­i­ties were up­side down. Do not force your­self into a love­less mar­riage be­cause it will not last a life time. If this new guy re­ally did rape you, he must be brought to book. Re­port him to the au­thor­i­ties. You need to do a bit of grow­ing up as well. I would be happy to hear from you again.

Fam­ily try­ing to make us turn backs on step­mom

I am a 26-year-old mar­ried mother of one. I have a lov­ing 28 year old hus­band. My mother died when I was six months old. I was too young to re­mem­ber her. My fa­ther tells me that he had to go back and rekin­dle his love with his old flame that he had let down when he mar­ried my mother. My mother died in a bus crash, she was the only per­son who died. Only God knows why. My fa­ther's peo­ple were not keen to look af­ter me since I was so young. My grand­par­ents are still alive and so are my fa­ther's sib­lings. My fa­ther faced with this chal­lenge re­mar­ried quickly and my step mother took over and looked af­ter me as her own child. Peo­ple from my fa­ther's side were quick to ac­cuse my fa­ther of hav­ing ig­nored the mourn­ing pe­riod and said va­pisa guva and that would cause prob­lems in the fam­ily. My step­mom has one child with my dad so we are two. She is an an­gel, I was well looked af­ter and went to some of the best schools in the coun­try. She ac­com­pa­nies me to my mother's fam­ily dur­ing for­tu­nate and un­for­tu­nate times and they have em­braced her. For my wed­ding she re­ally went out of her way to make it a five-star wed­ding. The prob­lem now is one of my tetes, the el­dest in dad's fam­ily is say­ing my step­mom is the one who be­witched my mother and caused her death. My two fe­male cousins who are not mar­ried are say­ing all sorts of things fin­ger­ing my step­mom as the rea­son why their for­tune is not look­ing up. Tete says she was told by a cer­tain prophet that my step­mom should be sent pack­ing other­wise prob­lems will mount in the fam­ily. They are try­ing to in­flu­ence me and my fa­ther, we are un­der im­mense pres­sure. My step­mom is the mother I have known all my life and she has a heart of gold. How can I help her be­cause I do not like the way she is be­ing treated right now? Do these prophets tell the truth amai? Do you think my fa­ther will be moved by what his fam­ily is say­ing?

Re­sponse

Thank you for writ­ing in, your let­ter touched my heart. I am glad that you are in a happy mar­riage and that your par­ents put you through school. Let me dis­pel the school of thought from tete that your mother was be­witched by your step­mom. The only per­son who can de­ter­mine life is God almighty so he al­lowed it to hap­pen. Ac­ci­dents are very com­mon, some are caused by de­fec­tive ve­hi­cles and some are caused by hu­man er­ror. It is very un­for­tu­nate that af­ter the death of your mother no one of­fered to look af­ter the baby. It is my hope though that your fa­ther set­tled for his old flame be­cause of love first and not just to have a baby min­der. Ac­cord­ing to your let­ter, your step­mom is like your bi­o­log­i­cal mum be­cause she made all the im­por­tant de­ci­sions for you. Yes, in our cul­ture we have a stip­u­lated mourn­ing pe­riod but if there is pres­sure as was in your fa­ther's case this can be over rid­den. I will check with ex­perts on how to re­solve this. Your peo­ple have their pri­or­i­ties up­side down, they rush to ac­cuse your fa­ther of kupisa guva and jump to con­clu­sions about who caused the ac­ci­dent yet they could not take care of you in your in­fancy. What has trig­gered this witch-hunt af­ter so many years? It is dif­fi­cult for me to know whether some prophets are gen­uine or fake be­cause there is no sci­en­tific ev­i­dence we can rely on. Faith is­sues are very per­sonal and at times they can be very mis­lead­ing. A lot of fam­ily re­la­tion­ships have been de­stroyed be­cause of this. You and your fa­ther should weigh your op­tions, do not just be pushed about. This is the time when you should stand by your mother's side and fight in her cor­ner. Your cousins will even­tu­ally get mar­ried they should just wait for God's time. Your fa­ther should stand firm and tell his fam­ily that he will not send his wife away be­cause of un­founded sus­pi­cions. Your step­mom is a shin­ing ex­am­ple of a good woman. Pray for your fam­ily and for tete who is try­ing to pull the fam­ily apart. I would be happy to hear from you again.

Ex-boyfriend dumped me when I fell preg­nant

I went through quite the or­deal over the past cou­ple of months. Things just hap­pened so fast. I was see­ing this man and I got preg­nant. I then told him about it. He was not ready to be a fa­ther and sug­gested we abort the baby. He said he had doc­tor friends who could do a pro­fes­sional job. I re­fused and he dumped me there and then. I have now given birth and I had asked him prior to this if he would like my fam­ily to tell him when our child was born. He flat out said no. The prob­lem I am deal­ing with now is that he does not com­mu­ni­cate or sup­port the child. I think it is im­por­tant for par­ents to get along for the sake of the child. Please as­sist.

Re­sponse

Your let­ter shows that in­deed you were in the fast track. It is good to take your time to know some­one's in­ten­sions when you date. It is a very im­por­tant process in ev­ery re­la­tion­ship. It is un­for­tu­nate that this get­ting to know each other pe­riod is abused by oth­ers for de­mand­ing sex, gifts and so many other things as a sign of love. Be­ing in­ti­mate be­fore mar­riage comes with a whole lot of prob­lems. In most cases peo­ple end up with un­planned ba­bies and los­ing the re­la­tion­ships. When things hap­pen in a flash the is­sue of trust comes into play as well. There are al­ways more ques­tions than an­swers. When peo­ple in­dulge they should not cry foul when preg­nancy is upon them be­cause that is a pos­si­ble re­sult in most cases. I am glad you re­fused to be pushed into com­mit­ting a crime. In Zim­babwe back­yard abor­tions are crim­i­nal and one can get ar­rested for that. Even doc­tors who abuse their prac­tices and do this for money or to please friends can also find them­selves on the wrong side of the law. Well done for stand­ing your ground. Morally abor­tion is wrong too be­cause it means ter­mi­nat­ing an in­no­cent life. It is only al­lowed if it is of­fi­cially done for health rea­sons by qual­i­fied doc­tors. I would urge you to keep your pride. Leave this guy alone but you should go to a civil court to claim for child sup­port. This he can­not run away from be­cause it is the baby's right. Do not en­gage him for any talks keep your pride just go le­gal. Yes, it is very noble for par­ents to com­mu­ni­cate and map a way for­ward for their child but how do you do it if he does not want to be both­ered? You have learnt your les­son once bit­ten twice shy. You can start on a new slate and move on. You have what it takes, it is not the end of the world. Love your baby and work ex­tra hard to give him a com­fort­able life. Al­ways pray for divine in­ter­ven­tion it shall be well.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Zimbabwe

© PressReader. All rights reserved.