Major milestones
Melissa Penfold delivers witty wisdoms and style savvy
to help navigate births, deaths and marriages.
BIRTHS | Even in this digital age, neither mother nor newborn wants to be photographed at that moment. Also, allow new parents to release the first images of their baby, which is a key, modern-parenting moment. OVER-SHARING Parents, less is very much more. We don’t need to see every waking moment of your child’s life. LOOK, BUT DON’T TOUCH Some people are just not comfortable coddling a newborn. You can politely decline by simply saying ‘I’m fine, thank you’, with a smile. DEATHS | It’s amazing how often funerals are done wrong. We know people have an excuse. Someone they love has died, they’re upset and have to make thousands of decisions during the worst days of their life. Funerals are social occasions, however – get them wrong and everyone will feel uncomfortable. Whether the death has filled you with despair or lifted a weight from your shoulders, you need to be a loyal, stoic, self-effacing and generous host and give those who have made an effort to attend a decent and, yes, enjoyable experience. And it’s not a chance to show off or social climb. This is also no time to stir up old feuds with estranged inlaws, former wives and hypocritical hangers-on. No matter how distraught or exhausted you are, invite people back to the house or a place that has some connection to reminisce and recuperate.
ARRANGEMENTS Start by telephoning people about what’s happened, and putting a death notice in the paper. Keep the wording simple and informative.
THE SERVICE As for words, music and flowers, they should be appropriate to the departed’s life and tastes. Hold back from overly personalised touches like a huge floral coffin in the shape of a guitar, or the tones of You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me Lucille on the PA system. If they would have hated muted organ music as much as the rest of us, then choose something different. Make sure the minister knows something about the deceased so their words are meaningful. A good eulogy should make those present laugh, smile and cry. Include anecdotes and mention the departed’s best attributes as well as idiosyncrasies. If the task is beyond you, ask the best public speaker in your inner circle.
FOOD Go for generous and comforting. Nothing beats chicken sandwiches and cake, served with tea and Champagne. Have whisky on hand – it’s a good stiffener. MARRIAGES | Expect to see an increase in dramatic wedding arrivals and departures. Also, at receptions, there’ll be a growing number of brides making speeches. THE BIG DAY Don’t make social media a priority. Be clear about whether you’re happy for guests to take and upload photos. Make the most of the day and be present.