12 love secrets How to keep a successful relationship on track

Successful relationships don’t happen by accident – they need loyalty, trust, patience and a healthy dose of good humour to survive and thrive

would you do it all again? Knowing what you know now, would you choose that same certain someone to be your life partner? Yes, without hesitation? Yes, with caveats? Not only no, but hell no? Jokes aside, there’s simply no such thing as a relationship that’s perfect all the time. And that’s OK. It’s all about the ebb and flow. Once that first giddy flush fades and real life intercedes, that’s when you find out what you’re made of as a couple.

Those twosomes who’ve been in it for the long haul consistently report that they follow some pretty basic relationship rules. Sticking to them helps them weather the highs, lows and all points in between.

Whether you’re one of those long-time couples, or in a newly minted partnership, a little refresher course never goes astray. 1 BE FAITHFUL This seems like a no-brainer, but there are many ways to be unfaithful. Trash talking your partner behind their back? Yeah, don’t do that. Not standing up for them? Don’t do that, either. Becoming emotionally involved with someone else, either online or at work? Still no. Watch for red flags.

2 DON’T SNOOP Respect each other’s privacy. If you feel the need to go through your significant other’s phone, laptop, receipts or underwear drawer, there are bigger issues afoot.

4 CHECK YOUR EXPECTATIONS Another solid gold communication rule: do not expect your partner to be a mind reader! Doing so inevitably leads to unmet, unfair expectations and, yes, resentment. Express your thoughts, needs, wants and feelings, preferably without a side of stinging sarcasm!

Love in such a way that the person you love feels free THICH NHAT HANH, VIETNAMESE MONK AND PEACE ACTIVIST

5 GOT A PROBLEM? SHARE IT But also, pick your battles. Sometimes it’s OK to let an annoyance pass without a royal commission. Other times, failing to discuss irritations and hurts can cause anger, blame and resentment to build. When resentment builds, holding back happens. When enough holding back happens, the potential for things to go pear-shaped becomes huge. Pro tip: you don’t have to wait for a fight to share what’s bugging you.

6 DON’T BE STRANGERS

It’s easy to get so caught up in everyday busy-ness that months can go by without the two of you really talking. Sure, you might discuss the kids, school, work, bills and other need-to-knows, but don’t get so waylaid that you neglect the person inside the machine. Reconnect! Share a cuppa or a glass of wine. Look up from your phone. Go for a walk together. Ask, “how are you, really?” Listen to the answer.

7 GO YOUR OWN WAY (sometimes) You’re not joined at the hip. Do things with your own friends, and pursue individual interests, goals and dreams. When you feel personally fulfilled, you bring so much more to a relationship.

8 COMPROMISE You won’t always be on the same page, but finding mutually acceptable work-arounds is key on issues big and small.

9 BE TOUCHYFEELY Maybe there’s not much bodice ripping going on anymore, but maintaining intimacy is vital, and not just in the bedroom. In fact, real intimacy begins outside the boudoir. It’s a playful slap on the bum, sitting close on the couch, holding hands, kissing hello and goodbye, or a random back rub. Touch has powerful health and emotional wellbeing benefits, too. Which brings us to sex. As we age, hormone shifts can stall desire and may cause vaginal dryness or tightness that leads to painful intercourse. If it doesn’t feel good, you aren’t going to want to do it! There’s absolutely no shame in enhancing intimacy by using lubricants and moisturisers designed to assist with smooth sailing. See your GP or gynaecologist if you’re worried something else is going on.

10 BE PATIENT WE ALL HAVE DAYS WHEN WE NEED SPACE AND LITTLE GRACE. BE GENEROUS WITH BOTH.

11 Be your p artner’s personal cheerleader and judgement-free safe space.

If not you, then who?

Should we lose each other in the sh‘ adow of the evening I ll wait for you; trees, should I fall behind, wait for me – BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

12 BE KIND

We’re often encouraged to bestow random acts of kindness on perfect strangers – but don’t forget to love the one you’re with! A small unexpected gift, taking care of a chore you know they hate, a heartfelt compliment, letting them know they’re appreciated… it all matters.