Ker­mie’s fun ‘work­ing’ hols

Big Rigs - - LIFE WITH KERMIE - LIFE WITH KER­MIE GRA­HAM HARSANT con­trib­u­[email protected]­

AS I write this we have three days to go be­fore we are sup­posed to head off on our an­nual so­journ to our time-share at Yar­ra­wonga on the Mur­ray River for a well-earned (well, I think so) break for a cou­ple of weeks. Ex­cept this year we lose a cou­ple of days at each end.

My niece, Bron­wyn, has rudely de­cided to get mar­ried on Sat­ur­day – the first day of our hols. The fact she had no idea of our hol­i­day book­ing has ab­so­lutely noth­ing to do with it! She should have checked with me be­fore ac­cept­ing John’s pro­posal and set­ting the date! Then the HCVC have their an­nual bash at Yarra Glen Race­course on the Sun­day, co­in­cid­ing with the sec­ond day of our hol­i­days. Have they no deco­rum? Now I have to spend hours on Sun­day talk­ing to bloody truck en­thu­si­asts, when I could be dan­gling my feet poolside, or munch­ing on a Yar­ra­wonga Bak­ery bee sting.

As if that wasn’t enough, Fuso have in­vited me to at­tend a launch of some­thing or other at Can­berra, half­way through the sec­ond week. That’s an­other two whole days off my R&R! When James Stan­ford, Daim­ler’s PR man rang to in­vite me, I said that I’d have to speak with Rita be­fore ac­cept­ing.

Her re­sponse was, “Do what you have to. I’ll try not to think of you while I’m read­ing a book by the pool, sip­ping on my Kahlua and or­der­ing in a nice Ital­ian for din­ner.”

I pre­sume she was talk­ing about food here. When this goes to print though, I will be in the mid­dle of do­ing ab­so­lutely noth­ing. I’m go­ing to work dou­bly hard at do­ing ab­so­lutely noth­ing as well, as I have less days to do ab­so­lutely noth­ing in. Ab­so­lutely noth­ing does in­volve hard work. I have to walk from the pool back to our unit to get more ice and Scotch – and I have to do it reg­u­larly. My smart watch will tell me how many steps I’ll take do­ing it and I reckon it’ll be plenty to coun­ter­act the calo­ries in the drinks.

Then I’ll have to get off the deck chair to fall in the pool. And, as I fall in the deep end I’ll have to swim at least half a length to where I can stand. Get­ting out re­quires even more work as I’ll need to use the steps at the shal­low end, re­quir­ing me to walk the whole length of the pool to get back to said deck chair.

Then there’s the work re­quired to cook on the bar­be­cue. Think I’ll need a nice cold Nas­tro Az­zurro Peroni or three to wipe the sweat off my brow for that one. Half way through this “non” hol­i­day I’ll also be re­quired to file sto­ries for the next is­sue of Big Rigs and do the host­ing of our Big Rigs Pod­cast. No, be­ing on hol­i­days is not all it’s cracked up to be. I’m sure none of you lot would want to swap with me…. Would you? Be­ing Novem­ber it’s also Movem­ber and, at the prompt­ing of the afore­men­tioned James Stan­ford, I’ve bit­ten the bul­let and am grow­ing a ’tache. I had a mo for years from the age of 18 right through into my late 40’s. Back then it was a nice shade of black. Now though it’s all salt and pep­per and, at this stage at any rate, looks like I’ve snot­ted all over my up­per lip. Rita’s not im­pressed and reck­ons air-kisses are the or­der of the month. “You could just do­nate to the cause without grow­ing one your­self, you know.”

“Yeah, but James has promised prizes for the best and worst truck­ing journo mous­tache.”

“No wor­ries then. As long as you’re happy with the worst….and look­ing 10 years older…..NO! Don’t try and kiss me!”

As soon as Yar­ra­wonga comes to an end we hook up the car­a­van and head down to Castle­maine for the an­nual photo shoot of the Corn­will boys, and to cover their ex­cel­lent truck show, spon­sored by AdTrans. May stay on for a cou­ple of days to re­cover from all the ef­fort ex­pended on my “work­ing hol­i­day”.

Fi­nally! I’ve lost 20ki­los. The last cou­ple of months has been very slow go­ing but at least it’s all been down, down. Now to knuckle down more and get rid of an­other 5-10. Or per­haps that should wait till af­ter hols. Take care of you, Ker­mie (84kg)


MOVEM­BER: Ker­mie's mo is com­ing along nicely.

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