YULE LOVE IT

STEVE CUMPER TURNS HIS PENCHANT FOR MINCE PIES INTO A CROWD-PLEASING DESSERT.

Steve Cumper makes a convincing case for mince pies with this crowd-pleasing dessert.

IN THE CUMPER HOUSEHOLD, mince pies are a divisive inclusion on the Christmas table. While I plant my flag proudly in the ‘aye’ side of the camp, for the rest of my mob it’s a firm ‘nay’. This is disappointing, because I believe these petite flavour bombs embody the essence of Christmas in an extremely delicious package. But I guess it depends which way you look at it: I’m either lucky my family don’t share my enthusiasm (so I can keep my mince pie stockpile all to myself) or it’s unfortunate that I have no-one to accompany me on my quest for pie perfection. My idea of the ideal mince pie is where the right combination of aromatic fruit mince, spice and citrus flavours is enrobed in the crumbliest of pastries. In my opinion, shortcrust pastry works best because sweet pastry can make the pies too cloying and overshadow the unctuous filling. Said filling should be dense, with the raisins, sultanas, currants, grated apple and mixed peel clearly identifiable (rather than mushed to a pulp). Some pies contain slivered almonds or other kinds of nuts, but even I have to draw the line there. I also avoid those containing brandy or other alcohol, as they can be overpowering and unsuitable for all but the rowdiest of children. I believe mince pies are best served slightly warm; the filling exuding its spicy fragrance and each mouthful like a heartfelt hug in a kitsch Christmas jumper (think Colin Firth in Bridget Jones’s Diary). If they are particularly good, I’ll hoover one or two with a dob of cream after I’ve had the obligatory pudding or pav at meal’s end, just to be on the safe side of being well and truly full. Perhaps you aren’t a fan of mince pies due to a dalliance with a commercially made, overly sweet, squashy and lack-lustre pretender? While I understand your reticence, I urge you to persist, as there are many artisan bakers and pastry shops that create bespoke versions. Failing that, my festive recipe might ease you into the mince pie appreciation society. Over the years, my largesse with mince pies has been reigned in, so I don’t fall at the first hurdle in the Christmas Day food marathon. But limiting myself to about three presents a challenge, as mince pies are generally sold in packets of six or 12. Having to justify my purchase to our household Chancellor of the Exchequer one year, I contrived their essential inclusion in a new recipe (which I had yet to formulate). Under her suspicious eye, I rummaged around our pantry for inspiration until I remembered a tub of premium ice-cream I had hidden behind the kale in the freezer. Thinking quickly, I crumbled the remaining mince pies — pastry and all — into the softened ice-cream and mixed it through. That Christmas, as the pavlova and plum pudding took up their positions on the dais, I presented the newcomer with much flourish. The dessert duopoly had been usurped and in later years I made it with my own ice-cream. And those mince pie naysayers? Well, they changed their minds as quickly as supermarkets replace shortbread with hot cross buns. Happy Easter, I mean Christmas! Steve Cumper is a chef and funnyman who lives in Tasmania and dreams of one day owning a fleet of holiday vans called Wicked Cumpers.

Grease a 6cm-deep, 24cm x 12cm loaf pan, then line base and sides with plastic wrap, allowing sides to overhang. Using an electric mixer, beat cream, condensed milk and vanilla extract until soft peaks form (take care not to overbeat or mixture may become grainy). Break mince pies into 2cm pieces. Add to cream mixture and gently fold to combine. Pour mixture into prepared pan. Spread evenly and smooth surface. Cover with baking paper and place in freezer for 8 hours or overnight until firm. To make caramel sauce, place brown sugar in a small heavy-based saucepan over a medium heat. Cook, without stirring, for 2 minutes or until sugar begins to caramelise around edge of pan. Add cream and stir to combine. Add butter and vanilla extract, and stir until butter melts and mixture boils. Reduce heat and simmer for 2 minutes or until sauce is smooth and glossy. Add brandy, if using, and stir to combine. Remove ice-cream from freezer and turn onto a board. Cut into slices and place on serving plates. Serve with caramel sauce and extra pies, if desired.