A MOTHER’S LOVE
IN HEARFELT LETTERS TO THEIR CHILDREN, THREE WOMEN SHARE THEIR INSIGHTS ABOUT MOTHERHOOD AND HOW TRUE SUCCESS CAME FROM HAVING THE COURAGE TO SLOW DOWN.
Three women pen heartfelt letters to their children
in this extract from new book Grace Mothers.
Darling Poppy and Harryo, It is hard to believe sometimes when I look at you that for most of my life you didn’t exist. You two gorgeously complicated individuals weren’t even alive yet. More extraordinary still is when I listen to you talking to me as if my only reason for existence is you. At the airport yesterday, we stood together, waiting for Daddy to organise the rental car. Poppy, you looked at me with your big, beautiful eyes and exclaimed, “Mummy, you are so lucky you have Daddy. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be able to travel.” So, I explained to you and Harryo about how I had travelled the world on my own, from the age of 18, with my super-heavy black box of make-up, painting the faces of some of the world’s most glamorous women and men. I told you all about the things you can do on your own. Girls can be anything they want to be — strong, independent and, most important, free. I look forward to you both going out there into the world and seeing the wonders it holds for you as women. Of all the things I would wish you to have, and in my opinion the key to a happy life, is a good sense of humour! The ability to laugh at life even when it’s serving you lemons. The skill in finding the funny even when it may be a hard situation. Gravitate towards like-minded people, for life will be a lot more fun with them beside you. Surround yourself with them — work with them, eat with them and, later on, date them and marry them. Because with those people in your life, it will be more fun and more positive. They will help make sense of the world. Whatever the problems, together you will find that thin thread of humour and follow it until it becomes a belly laugh. It’s hard sometimes for you both, with a father [Jamie Curtis, a screenwriter] who writes comedy and a mother who’s pushing a little to lighten you up. I know it sometimes feels like teasing, but I want to try and lighten the situation. I know you may have just fallen off your chair that only had three legs, but you did look very funny the moment you remembered, too late, that it was the chair not to sit on. I want so many things for you both, of course: to be successful in everything you want to do, to find your own interests, to be enthusiastic and work hard. But to do all of this and more in order to end up living a good life filled with fun and laughter. There’s a picture outside your bedroom door of a dog wearing shades, sitting in a tiny boat, with his paws behind his head and a smile on his face. He’s bobbing along in what looks like the middle of an ocean. Under the picture in huge type are the words: ‘He knows not where he’s going, for the ocean will decide — it’s not the destination... but the glory of the ride.’ The dog’s got it right. Love, Mummy xxxx >
Dear beautiful offspring, Charlie, George, Matilda and Lulu, I sit here while I pen this letter, looking out across the rolling hills of Byron Bay with a full heart, reflecting on motherhood and life. I acknowledge the part you play in this ancestry adventure. I thank you for trusting me to steer you across the temperamental waters of growing up and for your part in crafting the mother in me. From you, I have learnt so much about so many things. You’ve taught me patience and kindness, about uncertainty and, of course, about the power of unconditional love. Among these words, I offer you some thoughts and insights on what I’ve learnt so far, in life and as a mother. I hope you choose what you need to take with you through your life. My maternal instinct didn’t kick in early and I often wonder if that was due to losing my own mother at the age of nine (your age now, my dear Matilda). She was only 32 when a boating accident took away her last breath on a return trip from France. I often wonder what kind of mother she would have been, what insights I would have gained from her nurturing and what I inherited naturally from her. Was I like her? What would she have done in my maternal shoes? Questions popped up regularly in the early mothering years, until one day I tapped into my intuition — the universal mothering instinct. In this space, I discovered that I already had the answers within me; I just needed to trust myself. I continue to learn as much from you as I hope you do from me. I have sometimes relied on others for support, when four little people running around became overwhelming, and that’s okay. There are many people in life from whom we can learn. You don’t have to learn all the lessons yourselves. My little loves, this life is here to enjoy. So, seize it with both hands and your whole being. It’s with lightness we want to travel on this life journey, locking away any unnecessary emotional baggage in the smallest suitcase. Somehow, if we can stay connected to our inner child, we can remain playful and live abundantly, open to enjoying all the beautiful qualities of happiness. Laugh, be silly, jump, skip, be creative and the inevitable burdens of life will not keep you down for long. You continue to show me the joy of this innocent playfulness. Looking through yours, I see again with beginner’s eyes. I thank you for all this, and for the tears of both frustration and joy in motherhood. Most of all, I thank you for helping me stay connected to the child in me, because that little person in all of us is born happy and to be loved. It really is very simple. With motherhood, everything has changed and I am more me than I have ever been. I thank you all for those blessings, my little loves. Forever your mother, I love you. x >
Dear Silver, Sitting on the couch last night with your dad, we reminisced over a picture of you when you were a baby. Your foot was so tiny, barely the size of his thumb. That time after you were born was so precious. We spent a while at our beautiful beach shack in Byron Bay, where I’d sit on the deck at nighttime, breastfeeding and looking out to the moon. When you first arrived, it was quite the juggle. I was relaxing into my new role as mother while running a company and shooting a television show for the ABC called Restoration Australia. I recommenced work when you were six weeks old and carried you around with me in a sling while I was filming. Work has always been such a joy for me. I’ve loved every single day of my career, whether it’s been challenging or smooth sailing. When you spend so much time working, making sure you are passionate about what you do is one of the most important lessons in life. Pick something you love and follow your dreams. You don’t have to do it the way other people do it. Have the confidence to think outside the box. I started my own company at the age of 21. It just happened very organically, and as someone who didn’t have a program or systems in place, I very much flew by the seat of my pants. Your grandfather was a builder who ran his business from home, so I watched him work and saw that it was possible. I endeavour to be an available mum to you. And fun, although your dad says I’m probably too much fun! But most importantly, available for you, so you can always be open with me, no matter what you’re going through. I hope I’m always a sounding board throughout your life. It’s not always a straight path, but there’s a lot of adventure and enjoyment that can come through the ebb and flow of life. Think of life as a lovely moving journey, like a beautiful river through a landscape with bends and curves. Expect the unexpected and as much as you put into it, you’ll get out of it. There’s something really lovely about wondering what’s going to happen next. I never knew if I’d become a mother. Now I am one, I couldn’t imagine my life differently. When I was pregnant, I’d hoped we’d become really good friends, and we have. We have each other forever. You have absolutely charmed me. Right now, you’re my little cub, who’s going to follow me around until you’re ready to go out on your own. I hope you’ll come back time and time again. I often tell you that we will be best friends forever. Love, Mum