ALL HEROES WEAR MASKS
ROB INGRAM,
would affect – if not infect – all of us. Me? I’m feeling uncharacteristically heroic. And it took a while to realise it was the mask. When I was about eight, I was sent off to a fancy dress party dressed as The Lone Ranger. The party boy’s father – a man of rare perception – said to me, “You must be The Lone Ranger.”
“The daring and resourceful Masked Rider of the Plains will lead the fight for law and order in the West,” I replied. It occurred to me then that wearing a mask allows you to make the most pretentious and precocious statements with a straight (and/or hidden) face.
I must admit I had forgotten all about this strategy until the pandemic came upon us and medical authorities recommended the use of a protective mask. Okay, we’re not fighting for law and order in the Wild West here, just the Central West. But when the Masked Shopper of the Plains hit town for his newspaper wearing his protective surgical mask, the superhero rhetoric was immediately there. At first, Adrian the newsagent didn’t recognise me behind my three layers of protective fabric.
“It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me,” I announced. I think it was Batman who once said that. And I must admit, I felt a little more supernatural for having said it.
At the post office, Fiona asked what I was there for. “I’m here to fight for truth, justice and the Dunedoo way,” I heard myself saying.
“Hmm,” said Fiona. “Well, here’s your new Seniors Card, Superman.”
We discussed how with great powers – and a Seniors Card – comes great responsibility. And I was on my way. “Must fly,” I said.
It was beginning to occur to me that the recommended triple-layer mask might be making me three times more delusional. I mean, when the raffle-ticket seller outside the butcher shop told me she represented the CWA, I told her that I represented hope, opportunity and strength for all.
So, what’s this link between the face mask and the superhero? And are health authorities merely clinging to the childish belief that wearing a mask will give us a superhuman ability to deny the pandemic? I discussed this with the doctor, who assured me that people can wear a mask and still die.
“I’m sure you’re right,” I said. “But if I remember rightly, the masked Green Hornet told us it’s not dying you need to be afraid of, but never having lived in the first place.”
“If I may quote from the unmasked Man of Steel,” said the doctor, “sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later. Do you have faith?”
“Faith is my sword. Truth is my shield. Knowledge my armour,” I replied. “I can’t remember quite who said that first, but I’m sure he was masked.”
“Sounds like Hillsong to me,” said the masked doctor.
Perhaps it’s only when you possess the powers that wearing a mask can give you that you realise the absolute wisdom of those comic superheroes of our youth.
Strength is not in the fists of those who try to dominate you, but in the hands of those who have sworn to fight for freedom. That sort of thing. Heroes are made by the paths they choose, not the powers they are gifted. These could be the new Commandments we live by today.
The Chosen One is less impressed by mask power. “Only a man could think masks are a good idea without considering lunch, a cup of coffee, a smoke and cleaning their teeth,” she said. There’s some truth in that, Wonder Woman.
“IT BEGAN TO OCCUR TO ME THAT THE TRIPLE-LAYER MASK MIGHT BE MAKING ME THREE TIMES MORE DELUSIONAL.”