MOUSE TALE
ROB INGRAM PONDERS THE MOUSE PLAGUE AFFECTING COUNTRY REGIONS AND COMES UP WITH SOME RATHER INNOVATIVE, ENTERTAINING SOLUTIONS.
I haven’t written much about the mouse plague. What mouse plague? The one that is costing our agricultural industry around one billion dollars. I guess that deserves a little more attention than it’s been getting here in my column.
The reason I’m in denial about the mouse plague is guilt. I feel kind of responsible for the explosion in mouse numbers over the years. Back in the days when Tom and Jerry came into our lives, the treacherous cat was forever tempting the cheeky mouse into perilous situations with a nice, plump wedge of Emmental cheese. That’s about all we knew about mice – you could entice them to do anything with a cheese reward.
Mice weren’t a big issue in the city, but when we answered the call of the wild, the mice were here to welcome us. We snapped up – excuse the term – dozens of old wire mouse traps and I set about baiting them up. Thanks to Hanna-barbera Productions, I knew that Emmental cheese was irresistible to mice. The problem here was that Emmental cheese is irresistible to me, too. So the traps were loaded with Bega semi-hard cheddar – “matured for a creamy, smooth taste and medium flavour intensity”. That should do.
I knew Tom the Tormentor wouldn’t approve, but I reasoned that I should be further up the food chain than incontinent rodents. And, while the early bird might get the worm, it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese!
It wasn’t a huge success. Maybe the mice liked the holes in Emmental, rather than the medium flavour intensity of Bega. Or maybe it wasn’t a very big plague. I sought local wisdom and was told that the cheese myth was outdated; the favoured lure these days was peanut butter. When the next plague came nibbling, I was ready with the peanut butter. The label said: “Suitable for vegetarians and vegans”. No mention of mice at all, which I thought was a bit odd. But it certainly worked better than cheese. When I reported increased catches to my neighbour, he was scornful.
“People used to use peanut butter,” he said. “But Nutella gets the best results.” So Nutella it was – and if the trap toll was growing, so was the size of the plagues.
I finally realised that the more delectable the lure, the more mice would turn up; the bigger the plague, the bigger the loss to the economy. I mean, Tom might have tempted Jerry with a bit of cheese in the 1940s, but now you can’t attract a decent plague without sweetened hazelnut cocoa spread. Think about it: in the ’40s, we’d happily sit down to a meal of stewed tripe and onions, but now you can’t attract guests with anything less than sous-vide salmon cheeks on braised fennel polenta followed by cinnamonroasted rhubarb. Why wouldn’t you expect mice to become more sophisticated in their culinary choices, too?
Finally, scientific studies have confirmed that mice tend to prefer sweet foods. Cheese consists of proteins that aren’t usually sweet. You’re more likely to catch a mouse with a Ferrero Rocher wafer than a chunk of cheddar. You’re more likely to start another plague, too.
Anyway, the old wire mouse trap is a thing of the past out here. A local bloke has invented the ultimate bucket trap. The bucket is half-filled with water and fitted with a ramp and a springboard. A dab of peanut butter or Nutella is placed on the end of the springboard. The mouse races up the ramp and heads along the springboard… which collapses and tips the mouse into the water. Hours of fun for all the family calculating points for clean entry into the water, multiplied by points for degree of difficulty. Mouse plagues have never been more entertaining.
“I WAS TOLD THAT THE CHEESE MYTH WAS OUTDATED; THE FAVOURED LURE THESE DAYS WAS PEANUT BUTTER.”