Tim’s Euro hits & misses

10 of the very best – and worst – moments from Moore’s European travails…

01 I still Most really cherished love my 1914 bike Hirondelle from Gironimo, even though it found a new way to try and kill me every single day.

02 Friendliest nation Spain: land of few cars and endless cheery club pelotons. Well, that’s the romantic answer. If native friendliness is to encompass driving competence and the quality and quantity of bike paths, it’s a straight fight between Germany, Denmark and the Netherlands.

03 Key accessory Savlon. So good it could probably double up as chain lube, but it’s a challenging energy gel.

04 Best cycling food Pizza. Undisputed king of predictable calories, especially when manipulating cutlery is beyond your cramped and palsied fingers.

05 Worst meal Rancid anchovy Napolitana pizza in Le Blanc, margherita France, bestrewn 2000; with partially-defrosted McCains in Biella, Italy, 2012. The pizza giveth, and the pizza taketh away.

06 Horrible earworm All roads lead back to the Wombles theme, via 'Red Rubber Ball' by The Cyrkle, Beyoncé’s 'Halo', Robbie fricking Williams and the 'Finger of Fudge' jingle (offensive remix).

07 Most hair-raising road Hmm, let me think about that for a mi… RUSSIA, RUSSIA, RUSSIA.

08 Awkward moments There does seem to have been an awful lot of inadvertent nudity during my cycling adventures. I’ve also routinely found myself taking on much older people on worse bikes – in victory or defeat, shame is guaranteed.

09 Essential advice Eat before you get hungry. Momentum is all. And always let your conscience be your guide.

10 Greatest mountain climb You know when a brown summit sign with a massive number on it emerges completely by surprise, and an inner voice reminds you that you’ve been riding across a lofty plateau for days, upon which this peak is no more than a pimple, and that any sense of celebratory achievement is therefore entirely unjustified? I never hear that voice.