Joel Creasey

“I’LL GET NAKED… I’M DES­PER­ATE!”

DNA Magazine - - FRONT PAGE -

DNA: Last time we spoke you said you wanted to take over the world. How’s that go­ing for you? Joel Creasey: It’s a long process and a slow burn but I’m do­ing what I can. I’ve con­vinced my lo­cal barista at the café down­stairs to vote for me if I ever run for pres­i­dent. I’ve got mum on board as well, she’s the min­is­ter for box wine so we’ve got quite a good team. Now that Oprah has gone quiet, some­one has to give out cars and pre­tend to have a best friend that’s not re­ally a best friend. I’m up for the job. Your new show is called Rock God. What’s the most rock star thing you’ve ever done? I once pashed a stranger in a dress­ing room right be­fore I walked on stage. There was a bot­tle of tequila in­volved. Any other rock star would go the whole way but for me it was just a pash. We’d been flirt­ing for a cou­ple of min­utes, went in for the pash and then I said “Hey, I’ve got to go and per­form now. You can stay here or yeah.” What is this show ac­tu­ally about? How I’d love to be a rock god but how my life is ev­ery­thing but. In Novem­ber I got to open for Joan Rivers on Broad­way and then a week later I was per­form­ing in a shed in re­gional New South Wales to 200 farm­ers. Was it in­tim­i­dat­ing open­ing for Joan Rivers? In the gay hand­book, you’ve got to love Joan Rivers. It was ter­ri­fy­ing. I don’t nor­mally get scared do­ing stand up but it was my first ever gig in Amer­ica and it was on Broad­way. It went great and she watched and loved it. She was one of the nicest people I’ve ever worked with. We were talk­ing back­stage about mu­si­cals and what shows I was go­ing to see while I was in New York. I told her I’d seen Chicago the night be­fore and she asked how it was. I thought the lead was pretty crap. Joan said, “Oh, that’s my friend.” It’s all a bit of a blur but I’m fairly cer­tain I pan­icked and started singing All That Jazz at Joan Rivers’ face. I started ran­domly do­ing jazz hands to dis­tract her. It was a very weird mo­ment. Is it true you nude-up dur­ing the show? Well, look, I’ve taken my clothes off on-stage be­fore. Ob­vi­ously I’ve got a bit of an ob­ses­sion with it. There might be a spe­cial sur­prise at the end of the show. Who are your Rock Gods? My new show is about people who are rock gods but aren’t

Well, look, I’ve taken my clothes off on-stage be­fore. Ob­vi­ously I’ve got a bit of an ob­ses­sion with it.

nec­es­sar­ily Bey­oncé or some huge su­per­star. Mine are my mum; she’s pretty hi­lar­i­ous and she al­ways makes me laugh. Joan Rivers is ob­vi­ously one. In Septem­ber I hired a per­sonal trainer, which I thought was the wanki­est thing ever and I couldn’t be­lieve I was do­ing it. He’s amaz­ing and gave me this whole new per­spec­tive on things. His name is Andy Brand at Fit­ness First QV Mel­bourne. He’s to­tally a rock god. We did no­tice you’ve buffed up since you were last naked in DNA. In Au­gust I went through this re­ally shitty breakup and was some su­per Debby De­presso. A stylist said to me, “I know this great per­sonal trainer. Why don’t you see him? It’ll be re­ally good for you to get out of the house.” He’s not gay but he seems to train ev­ery Mel­bourne ho­mo­sex­ual. I just be­came a bit ad­dicted and ob­sessed. He was like my ther­a­pist. I just go in there and do some weights and be­cause I chat to him the whole time and whinge and moan it sort of flew past and it’s been re­ally good. Do you think you’ve set the bar for other gay co­me­di­ans to buff up? Yeah, I’m try­ing to in­tim­i­date the other co­me­di­ans. That’s my plan. Ac­tu­ally, Andy trains Josh Thomas as well. I did say to Andy, “Don’t train him as hard as you train me, please. Or train him where you give him mas­sive legs and no up­per body or some­thing.” Grow­ing up, were you the kind of kid who played air gui­tar and sang into a hair­brush? I used to have ABBA’s Water­loo on cas­sette and I used to go into my room, lock the door, close the blinds and strip down to my undies. I’d let the dog come in and I’d just belt out Water­loo on the hair­brush or with a banana. I don’t know why I did that. You’ve been de­scribed as Aus­tralia’s Kathy Grif­fin. Are you good with that? I’m stoked. I love Kathy. That’s how they billed me when I was in Amer­ica, which was re­ally flat­ter­ing. We are quite dif­fer­ent people. I think she’s ac­tu­ally a 53-year-old woman and I’m a 23-year-old man. She’s why I started do­ing stand-up. I think ev­ery coun­try needs a Kathy Grif­fin to keep all the shitty stars in check. I did this fundraiser for Chan­nel Seven a few years back and it was for a chil­dren’s char­ity. All the Home And Away and Packed To The Rafters stars – and I use the term “stars” very loosely, were just cut­ting sick back­stage and par­ty­ing and go­ing men­tal, all on the budget of a chil­dren’s char­ity. I was think­ing, “You guys are dicks.” Some­one has to point this out. >>

>> If you weren’t a co­me­dian, what would you be do­ing? I’d be a re­ally good pub­li­cist like Samantha Jones on Sex And The City or an awe­some slash aw­ful flight at­ten­dant. I’d be that re­ally bitchy queen with the coiffed hair and or­ange fake tan who does safety demon­stra­tions on point. I think that’d be me. Some­one who just hates the world. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth? I filmed a doc­u­men­tary for ABC with an­other gay co­me­dian, Rhys Ni­chol­son. They filmed us at Co­lac, this re­ally ho­mo­pho­bic town in re­gional Vic­to­ria. They took us to a farm to meet the lo­cal farmhands and to try and in­vite them to our show on the weekend. The farm­hand asked if we wanted to watch a cow and bull have sex. We said ob­vi­ously, we’re not mon­sters! The bull pulled out too early and Rhys and the cam­era crew saw it hap­pen­ing and ran. I wasn’t pay­ing at­ten­tion so I turned around and got bull jizz all over me and in my mouth. I cried, threw a tantrum and took a three-hour shower that drained Lake Co­lac. I could see as it was hap­pen­ing the pro­duc­ers were just over the moon. That’ll be the promo – just me get­ting a fa­cial from a bull. But hey, some people might be into that, you never know! I could end up on Redtube. Is there any­thing else you want DNA read­ers to know about you? That if you come to my show I put out, ba­si­cally!

Joel’s new show, Rock God, is part of the Mel­bourne In­ter­na­tional Com­edy Fes­ti­val and will be tour­ing other Aus­tralian ci­ties dur­ing the year. For dates and book­ings visit more-com­edy.com and joel­creasey.com.au

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