“I’LL GET NAKED… I’M DESPERATE!”
DNA: Last time we spoke you said you wanted to take over the world. How’s that going for you? Joel Creasey: It’s a long process and a slow burn but I’m doing what I can. I’ve convinced my local barista at the café downstairs to vote for me if I ever run for president. I’ve got mum on board as well, she’s the minister for box wine so we’ve got quite a good team. Now that Oprah has gone quiet, someone has to give out cars and pretend to have a best friend that’s not really a best friend. I’m up for the job. Your new show is called Rock God. What’s the most rock star thing you’ve ever done? I once pashed a stranger in a dressing room right before I walked on stage. There was a bottle of tequila involved. Any other rock star would go the whole way but for me it was just a pash. We’d been flirting for a couple of minutes, went in for the pash and then I said “Hey, I’ve got to go and perform now. You can stay here or yeah.” What is this show actually about? How I’d love to be a rock god but how my life is everything but. In November I got to open for Joan Rivers on Broadway and then a week later I was performing in a shed in regional New South Wales to 200 farmers. Was it intimidating opening for Joan Rivers? In the gay handbook, you’ve got to love Joan Rivers. It was terrifying. I don’t normally get scared doing stand up but it was my first ever gig in America and it was on Broadway. It went great and she watched and loved it. She was one of the nicest people I’ve ever worked with. We were talking backstage about musicals and what shows I was going to see while I was in New York. I told her I’d seen Chicago the night before and she asked how it was. I thought the lead was pretty crap. Joan said, “Oh, that’s my friend.” It’s all a bit of a blur but I’m fairly certain I panicked and started singing All That Jazz at Joan Rivers’ face. I started randomly doing jazz hands to distract her. It was a very weird moment. Is it true you nude-up during the show? Well, look, I’ve taken my clothes off on-stage before. Obviously I’ve got a bit of an obsession with it. There might be a special surprise at the end of the show. Who are your Rock Gods? My new show is about people who are rock gods but aren’t
Well, look, I’ve taken my clothes off on-stage before. Obviously I’ve got a bit of an obsession with it.
necessarily Beyoncé or some huge superstar. Mine are my mum; she’s pretty hilarious and she always makes me laugh. Joan Rivers is obviously one. In September I hired a personal trainer, which I thought was the wankiest thing ever and I couldn’t believe I was doing it. He’s amazing and gave me this whole new perspective on things. His name is Andy Brand at Fitness First QV Melbourne. He’s totally a rock god. We did notice you’ve buffed up since you were last naked in DNA. In August I went through this really shitty breakup and was some super Debby Depresso. A stylist said to me, “I know this great personal trainer. Why don’t you see him? It’ll be really good for you to get out of the house.” He’s not gay but he seems to train every Melbourne homosexual. I just became a bit addicted and obsessed. He was like my therapist. I just go in there and do some weights and because I chat to him the whole time and whinge and moan it sort of flew past and it’s been really good. Do you think you’ve set the bar for other gay comedians to buff up? Yeah, I’m trying to intimidate the other comedians. That’s my plan. Actually, Andy trains Josh Thomas as well. I did say to Andy, “Don’t train him as hard as you train me, please. Or train him where you give him massive legs and no upper body or something.” Growing up, were you the kind of kid who played air guitar and sang into a hairbrush? I used to have ABBA’s Waterloo on cassette and I used to go into my room, lock the door, close the blinds and strip down to my undies. I’d let the dog come in and I’d just belt out Waterloo on the hairbrush or with a banana. I don’t know why I did that. You’ve been described as Australia’s Kathy Griffin. Are you good with that? I’m stoked. I love Kathy. That’s how they billed me when I was in America, which was really flattering. We are quite different people. I think she’s actually a 53-year-old woman and I’m a 23-year-old man. She’s why I started doing stand-up. I think every country needs a Kathy Griffin to keep all the shitty stars in check. I did this fundraiser for Channel Seven a few years back and it was for a children’s charity. All the Home And Away and Packed To The Rafters stars – and I use the term “stars” very loosely, were just cutting sick backstage and partying and going mental, all on the budget of a children’s charity. I was thinking, “You guys are dicks.” Someone has to point this out. >>
>> If you weren’t a comedian, what would you be doing? I’d be a really good publicist like Samantha Jones on Sex And The City or an awesome slash awful flight attendant. I’d be that really bitchy queen with the coiffed hair and orange fake tan who does safety demonstrations on point. I think that’d be me. Someone who just hates the world. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth? I filmed a documentary for ABC with another gay comedian, Rhys Nicholson. They filmed us at Colac, this really homophobic town in regional Victoria. They took us to a farm to meet the local farmhands and to try and invite them to our show on the weekend. The farmhand asked if we wanted to watch a cow and bull have sex. We said obviously, we’re not monsters! The bull pulled out too early and Rhys and the camera crew saw it happening and ran. I wasn’t paying attention so I turned around and got bull jizz all over me and in my mouth. I cried, threw a tantrum and took a three-hour shower that drained Lake Colac. I could see as it was happening the producers were just over the moon. That’ll be the promo – just me getting a facial from a bull. But hey, some people might be into that, you never know! I could end up on Redtube. Is there anything else you want DNA readers to know about you? That if you come to my show I put out, basically!
Joel’s new show, Rock God, is part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and will be touring other Australian cities during the year. For dates and bookings visit more-comedy.com and joelcreasey.com.au