Harmful or helpful?

GETTING OFF ON ASPIRATIONAL TEN-INCH COCKS, FANTASY PLAY AND EROTIC DEGRADATION, PAUL SOBCZAK ASKS IF GAY PORN IS ULTIMATELY MORE HARM THAN HELP.

Whether or not you watch porn yourself, chances are you have an opinion about it. Porn has its fair share of fans and critics, but have you ever wondered whether it is actually helpful or harmful? This isn’t a trick question. There’s no right or wrong answer. We will all answer this question differently because we all experience porn differently.

If you’re a gay guy, there’s a 99.99 per cent chance you’ve not only watched porn, you’ve masturbated to it as well. For those of us who grew up pre-internet, porn served an educational function. For me, it was the first time I ever saw two guys having sex with each other. I was about 16 and utterly transfixed. It wasn’t that I was turned on, exactly, more that I could feel certain pieces of who I was falling into place.

These days, online gay porn is great for young guys with questions they can’t exactly raise with their parents, or for guys who live in rural areas. It’s unlikely you’ll run into other bear cubs into fisting at the local country pub.

Watching porn doesn’t have to be a solo activity. Introducing porn into your relationship can be an exciting addition to your sex life. You might see something you’d like to do (or have done to you) and that can serve as the beginning of a conversation between you and your partner. On the other hand, porn can play a role in driving a wedge

There’s nothing inherently wrong or weak about having a guy cum on you.

into a relationship. Knowing your partner gets off on watching golden showers, for instance, might bring up feelings of judgment about something you might not be comfortable with. Watching porn as a substitute for dealing with sexual issues in your relationship might also end up being problematic.

There’s also the issue of unrealistic expectations that a lot of porn projects. In porn land, it seems that every guy is blessed with a 10-inch penis. In the real world, let’s face it, most of us have a penis in the 5 to 6 inch range. While many gay guys lust over a guy with a big penis, it’s important to be mindful of the feelings of a partner who may not quite measure up in that department. Just as there are straight guys who are turned on by women with small breasts, why can’t a great looking guy with a 5-inch penis be celebrated as attractive and desirable?

There are also certain sexual acts that are looked down on within the gay community. Bottom shame is a huge issue. In some videos, though not all, the bottom is treated like a bitch, continuing the bottom as submissive stereotype. In truth, a guy getting fucked is a sign of strength and masculinity – just ask any real bottom.

Another concern is whether or not porn normalises risky behavior like barebacking. Even if the actors are both HIV-negative, do viewers distinguish between the fantasy of porn and the reality of having unsafe sex?

Then there’s the celebrated money shot. The climax is obviously the most intense part of the scene and, for many, the favourite. Here again, there’s an unnecessary element of humiliation involved. Facial cumshots especially contain an element of celebrating the supposed degradation of the guy receiving the facial.

This doesn’t make sense. There’s nothing inherently wrong or weak about having a guy cum on you. It doesn’t mean the guy is a bitch, or submissive, or anything negative at all. It can be a beautiful act between two people who each enjoy the role they play and yet it is hardly ever depicted this way in gay porn.

Porn is neither inherently good or bad. It’s probably a bit of both, but it really comes down to our approach and our mind frame about it. If we’re feeling bad about our sexuality, porn can either magnify that or help to resolve those feelings. It’s not porn that magnifies or resolves our feelings; ultimately, it’s us.