JOHNNY WEIR
Leave the Birkin, Celine and Chanel bags ALONE!
Pet hostages! Defacing priceless purses! Crying over Fabergé eggs! Figure skater Johnny Weir defects from his RussianAmerican husband Victor Voronov and sets the standard for the spectacle of gay divorce. Pull up a chair… anti-gay propaganda just got interesting.
Babushka Bitchslap! Victor’s allegations of domestic abuse have Johnny pelting him with jewellery and a wooden Russian doll. When Johnny bites him on the arm, Victor takes a picture and has Johnny arrested. He later asks a judge to dismiss his domestic violence claim at which point Johnny pounces, blindsiding him with divorce papers. Victor scratches “fuck you” into the side of Johnny’s luxurious Birkin bag, ruining it. Attempting to smooth things over (or at least protect the ones he truly loves), Johnny writes to Victor. “If you decide to wreck things, please wreck cheaper things than Birkins. The ‘fuck you’ on the Birkin is kinda cool, though, you artist. I know you don’t care about how I’ll survive if you divorce me, but please leave my Birkin bags, Celine bags and Chanel bags alone.” Victor claims Johnny committed multiple acts of adultery, including sleeping with a Chicago club owner, having threesomes and sexting a porn star! Victor claims to have given up everything for his marriage: his work as an attorney and worse – moving to New Jersey. He also alleges that Johnny forced him to come out of the closet before he was ready. And that he only married him because a Georgetown-educated lawyer would make for compelling reality TV! As divorce proceedings get ugly, Johnny sniffs, “The worst he could do would be to post naked photos we have [of ] each other… and I look flawless.” The evil stepmother? Victor blames Johnny’s “meddling” mother, Pamela, for the disintegration of their marriage. Around the same time, Pamela Weir fires off this tweet: “Bottom Feeder (noun): an opportunist who seeks quick profit usually at the expense of others.” Johnny doesn’t show up to set and is forced to drop out of Celebrity Apprentice as the drama of his divorce costs him career opportunities. Victor accuses Johnny of embarking on a “publicity frenzy to
demonise me”. When you’re estranged… Victor goes to get a restraining order, but Johnny beats him to it. A court grants Johnny permission to remove personal items, and he makes sure to swipe Tema, the couple’s beloved Japanese Chin dog. TMZ captures Voronov sobbing uncontrollably as Johnny takes possession of the pet, flanked by police. In the custody battle, Johnny has accused Victor of “striking the dog with force on occasion” when they were married. In addition to the precious pooch, Victor accuses Johnny of taking hostage communal property: a crocodile Celine bag, 40 Balencia Bags, 20 Furs (including a $125,000 Sable) and a Cartier Calibre rose gold watch. Johnny declares all this property was his before the marriage and that it “couldn’t be more obvious from the fact they are purses and women’s furs.” Negotiating with lawyers on jointly owned items, Johnny cries real tears over the possibility of losing his limited edition $20,000 Fabergé egg. Shakedown! Victor’s lawyer contacts Johnny’s lawyer to say that he’s been offered money to do an interview, which he wouldn’t go through with – if Johnny pays him $25,000 and all his legal fees. In an interview, Victor tells Inside Edition, “What he’s done to me is unforgivable. It is the most conniving behavior I’ve seen, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I love him.” The pair double dip for another dose of drama and consciously re-couple, with strings attached. TMZ obtains the terms of their “postnuptial agreement” that includes these ultimatums: *No sex outside the marriage *No sexting *No aggressive flirting *No dating apps *Joint STD tests every six months, with the results read aloud with both parties present *The right to veto contact with either of their ex-lovers *A loophole for Johnny allegedly reads, “If I give you one more day to get your bank records to me, then I want to have a free fuck of anyone I want.” The Olympic split is back on. Two days after their conditional reunion, Victor tells tabloid US Weekly they’re not reconciling after all, “The divorce is 100 percent still happening.”