DEAR DIVA
Gay dilemmas, solved!
I CAN’T BLOW HIS HORN AT BOTH ENDS!
Dear Diva, I’ve been dating a great guy for three months. I love being with him, but I work in finance and have to be in the office early in the morning. He’s a musician who plays in different clubs with his band, usually late at night. I have gone to some of his gigs. He wants me to hang out with him and his bandmates after a gig and I don’t get home until super late and end up going to work with no sleep. I really like him but I can’t keep this pace. When I tried to explain this to him he got upset. I don’t want to lose him but how am I supposed to keep up? RK: Aretha Franklin said it best, honey – RESPECT! Your boyfriend seems selfish, immature and inconsiderate. I could go on but you get the picture. How can he get upset when you want to go home to get some sleep in order to be productive at work? He can sleep during the day. You can’t. Is he going to pay your bills if you get fired? I don’t think so. You may have to re-evaluate this relationship and tell Little Boy Blue to go get his horn blown someplace else.
SEX WITH THE EX, AT WORK!
Dear Diva, one of my old boyfriends just became my co-worker. The sex with him was mind blowing! He suggested that we have dinner. The attraction between us is still very strong and I’m sure if we have dinner we will end up fucking. Did I mention I have a new boyfriend? Should I just give in, go out with him and see what happens?
RK: Don’t shit where you eat. Keep your work relationships professional. Once the lines get blurred you can’t go back to the old parameters. You are asking for trouble if you jump back in the sack with your old f lame. You run the risk of damaging your current relationship and causing drama at work. Be friendly and gracious, but don’t drop your panties. Tell him you’d love to do a casual dinner one evening and that your boyfriend would love to join, too.
GRINDR VS REAL WORLD: ANYONE OUT THERE?
Dear Diva, after deleting Grindr and all the other hook up apps from my phone a year ago, I feel I’ve closed off avenues to meeting my future husband. While I hardly met guys on the apps and always felt like I was wasting time, I also feel like maybe I’ve done the wrong thing. I know the real world exists too but it isn’t working so well. Do you have any guidance to offer? RK: When looking for a husband, leave no stone unturned. It’s a numbers game. There is nothing wrong with using apps to search for a serious relationship. One of my friends met a great guy on Grindr and they are now living together. They went out on a first date and hit it off. They didn’t do the nasty until the fourth date. The key is to set your own agenda. If you are looking for a husband don’t make your first encounter a booty call by giving away a piece of tail before you know his name. You should also let your friends, family and everyone in your social circle know that you are looking for a new man. Change up your routine. Go to a new coffee shop or a different gym, take a class or volunteer.
DON’T CROWD OUR RELATIONSHIP
Dear Diva, my friend is always hanging out with me and my boyfriend. He’s been single for a long time and I know he’s just lonely and needs support, but… last week I told him I was planning to make a romantic dinner to celebrate our anniversary and he asked if he could come over. I was a bit shocked. This is not a three-way relationship! What do I do?
RK: You can’t allow your friend to screw up your relationship. You don’t want to end up lonely and bewildered like him. Encourage him to meet new people and make some new friends. How can he expect to find a new man if he is spending most of his time curled up on your couch eating popcorn? You have to practice some tough love and stop being a crutch for him. Push that bird out of the nest so he can learn to f ly again.
“One of my old boyfriends just became my co-worker. The sex with him was mind blowing, but I have a new boyfriend!”