DEAR DIVA’S ADVICE

Dear Diva,

My boyfriend is such a talented artist. One of my friends has an art gallery in New York and I’ve arranged a show for him. I’ve spent a lot of money on preparations for the show, which is a few months away. The thing is, my boyfriend has not started on any new works for the show. Every time I try to discuss the show with him he gets moody and angry. He told me that he’s not inspired and he can’t start working until he is. It’s too late to cancel. This has stressed me out and created friction between us. How can I inspire him?

Dear Patron Of The Artist,

Honey, you have done what a partner should: provided support and encouragement. It’s not your job to be the inspiration for the art as well. What? He wants you to hold his hand while he moves the brushes? Your man is a lazy, selfish motherfucker. He’s not “inspired” to get off his ass and create because he has no skin in the game. You’re paying for everything. If it was his money he’d put into the show he’d be working like a dog to make shit happen. I believe things happen for a reason. The reason this is happening to you is because you need to see this wretched motherfucker for what he is – a piece of shit. Stay away from the starving artistic types. Dear Diva,

One of my friends has decided to open a nightclub with money he inherited from his mother. I suggested he invest the money instead. He has history! In the past he has squandered money and ended up borrowing from me and other friends. I’m trying to avert another crisis because I know he didn’t do much research into this new venture.

Dear Financial Friend,

Honey, his mother is dead. He doesn’t need a replacement. If he fucks up his inheritance money, there is nothing that you can do about it. Wish him well and keep your wallet closed if he comes asking for a loan. If he still owes you any money, I’d ask the bitch for it before he pours it all into that nightclub. Dear Diva,

I went on a few dates with a new guy. I thought things were going well but he suddenly broke up with me. He said he met someone else and wanted to see how things worked out with him. Prior to the break-up he’d been hinting that he couldn’t pay his rent. He used to be a bit of a “trophy boy”. He reached out to me recently trying to get back with me, but I’ve moved on. He seemed shocked that I’m not falling all over him. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? Dear Dodged Sugar Daddy,

No! Baby, you dodged a bullet. Good riddance. That bitch sounds like a classic user. You don’t need that shit in your life. But do look on the bright side – you got yourself a fresh piece of ass for a while. Dear Diva,

I opened a restaurant last year. It has been very successful. My friend asked me to hire his son, which I did. The boy is drop-dead gorgeous. We’ve started dating. His father doesn’t know. In fact, his father doesn’t even know that he’s gay. I don’t know where this is going. What advice do you have in this situation?

Dear Daddy’s Best Friend,

Honey, life is short. As long as everyone is adult and consenting, get that sweet, young dick as long as you can. You may not end up as an official couple, but think of all the sweet memories you’ll have.

He’s not ‘inspired’ to get off his ass and create… Stay away from the starving artistic types.