DNA Magazine - - CONTENT -

Dear Diva,

My boyfriend is such a tal­ented artist. One of my friends has an art gallery in New York and I’ve ar­ranged a show for him. I’ve spent a lot of money on prepa­ra­tions for the show, which is a few months away. The thing is, my boyfriend has not started on any new works for the show. Ev­ery time I try to dis­cuss the show with him he gets moody and an­gry. He told me that he’s not in­spired and he can’t start work­ing un­til he is. It’s too late to can­cel. This has stressed me out and cre­ated fric­tion be­tween us. How can I in­spire him?

Dear Pa­tron Of The Artist,

Honey, you have done what a part­ner should: pro­vided sup­port and en­cour­age­ment. It’s not your job to be the in­spi­ra­tion for the art as well. What? He wants you to hold his hand while he moves the brushes? Your man is a lazy, self­ish moth­er­fucker. He’s not “in­spired” to get off his ass and cre­ate be­cause he has no skin in the game. You’re pay­ing for ev­ery­thing. If it was his money he’d put into the show he’d be work­ing like a dog to make shit hap­pen. I be­lieve things hap­pen for a rea­son. The rea­son this is hap­pen­ing to you is be­cause you need to see this wretched moth­er­fucker for what he is – a piece of shit. Stay away from the starv­ing artis­tic types. Dear Diva,

One of my friends has de­cided to open a night­club with money he in­her­ited from his mother. I sug­gested he in­vest the money in­stead. He has his­tory! In the past he has squan­dered money and ended up bor­row­ing from me and other friends. I’m try­ing to avert an­other cri­sis be­cause I know he didn’t do much re­search into this new ven­ture.

Dear Fi­nan­cial Friend,

Honey, his mother is dead. He doesn’t need a re­place­ment. If he fucks up his in­her­i­tance money, there is noth­ing that you can do about it. Wish him well and keep your wal­let closed if he comes ask­ing for a loan. If he still owes you any money, I’d ask the bitch for it be­fore he pours it all into that night­club. Dear Diva,

I went on a few dates with a new guy. I thought things were go­ing well but he sud­denly broke up with me. He said he met some­one else and wanted to see how things worked out with him. Prior to the break-up he’d been hint­ing that he couldn’t pay his rent. He used to be a bit of a “tro­phy boy”. He reached out to me re­cently try­ing to get back with me, but I’ve moved on. He seemed shocked that I’m not fall­ing all over him. Should I give him the ben­e­fit of the doubt? Dear Dodged Sugar Daddy,

No! Baby, you dodged a bul­let. Good rid­dance. That bitch sounds like a clas­sic user. You don’t need that shit in your life. But do look on the bright side – you got your­self a fresh piece of ass for a while. Dear Diva,

I opened a restau­rant last year. It has been very suc­cess­ful. My friend asked me to hire his son, which I did. The boy is drop-dead gor­geous. We’ve started dat­ing. His fa­ther doesn’t know. In fact, his fa­ther doesn’t even know that he’s gay. I don’t know where this is go­ing. What ad­vice do you have in this sit­u­a­tion?

Dear Daddy’s Best Friend,

Honey, life is short. As long as ev­ery­one is adult and con­sent­ing, get that sweet, young dick as long as you can. You may not end up as an of­fi­cial cou­ple, but think of all the sweet mem­o­ries you’ll have.

He’s not ‘in­spired’ to get off his ass and cre­ate… Stay away from the starv­ing artis­tic types.

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