HOMECOMING
Not many people can claim to having been a DNA cover model (#127 in case you want to order a back issue) and almost having thrown up on Elton John. Steve Grand can, along with two impressive pop/ country albums – 2015’s All-American Boy and the stunning, just released, Not The End Of Me.
With over 18 million views on YouTube, a #3 album on The Billboard Independent chart, and one of the most successful Kickstarter music campaigns ever, Steve has not just broken the rules, he’s changed how to be a successful singer-songwriter in this era.
A break-up with his boyfriend, toxic relationships, addictions, and daddy issues inspired the songs on the new album, which he describes as “cathartic, intimate and unfiltered Steve Grand”.
Imagine a gay boy’s pop/country take on Adele’s 21 and you’re getting close to what Steve has achieved with Not The End Of Me.
He’s justifiably proud of it, too, especially since he made it all after getting sober.
Steve Grand hasn’t been away, but Not The End Of Me feels like a welcome return, and not the end – more of a beginning. DNA: Hi Steve! It sounds like you’ve been through some pretty serious heartache on your new album.
Steve Grand: Yes, and many different kinds of heartache at that. [Laughs.]
Was Not The End Of Me a way to creatively work through a relationship break-up? Writing has always been a way for me to work through what I’m feeling – to try to make sense of it, learn from it and move on. Writing every song on this record was cathartic.
It also sounds, creatively, like a huge leap forward from your last.
[Grins broadly.] Thanks! I wrote all the words and music, as well as did more of the production work on my own at my house, so that’s very affirming to hear. You’re sober now, and some of this album deals with your addiction issues.
I’m happy to report I am two-and-a-half years sober. I wouldn’t use a word as potent as addiction to describe what I dealt with but, suffice to say, I was drinking way too much, too often. At some point over the past several years alcohol consumption was becoming something I was growing increasingly dependent on as a means of self-medication – dealing with whatever pressure, anxiety and pain I was feeling at the moment. Alcohol can be very alluring to more sensitive guys like me because of its numbing effect.
What effects was the drinking having on you at that time?
I was blacking-out frequently, having a shot or two just to start my day, and always finding new excuses to drink. I was also doing and saying things I would later regret. I found myself apologising for my behaviour more and more. Despite my repeated attempts to moderate my drinking, I still found myself making the
same mistakes. I’d show up somewhere and be worried about someone smelling alcohol on my breath. It was the culmination of these things that made me finally say, “Enough is enough!” They say moderation is harder than abstinence. Was that the case for you? Moderation did not work. Despite whatever kind of limit I imposed on myself for the night, the moment a drink hit my lips, it all went out the window. So I stopped. I didn’t have a plan to stop for any certain length of time, but one day became two, became a week, became a month. It was immediately very clear to me that I lost very little by not drinking.
How did getting sober change your life?
I felt more energized. My depression and anxiety lessened. I was more productive and able to do things that brought me real joy, like writing music. I understand that it’s not such a clean break for everybody. I’ve been blessed with a strong core group of loving, supportive people in my life who’ve stood behind me and who’ve challenged me to be better. That makes all the difference in the world.
Relationships are like mirrors. Often, the closer we get to someone, the more we see of ourselves. That can be terrifying.
Getting sober seems a very personal issue – why sing about it?
Because sometimes, when you’re young, it can feel like everyone is going out and partying all the time. I promise you, there are more people around who don’t drink or use drugs than you may realise. It wasn’t until I came out as sober that I learned that a lot of folks have vibrant, social lives that are sober and fun. If you’re comfortable with your sobriety, I encourage you to come out of the closet about it. You may inspire someone else who is having substance abuse issues.
How have your fans reacted to the news of your sobriety?
Many of them share their stories of sobriety with me. Sometimes they’ve been 20 to 30 years sober, and that’s a positive, inspiring thing for young LGBT people to hear. I like to pass that on where I can, hopefully without it being a buzzkill to the people who are able to drink more responsibly than I was. [Laughs.] Another big issue around addiction in the gay world is chemsex. Do you have a perspective on that?
I’ve seen it destroy people; suck the light out of the brightest stars. It’s merciless. My advice is don’t even try it. Just don’t go there. You can’t miss something you’ve never had and you never know if you’re going to be one of those people it takes hold of. It’s not worth that risk.
What’s been your experience with drugs?
I’ve made plenty of poor choices but I’m grateful I had the sense to never touch hard drugs let alone bring them into the bedroom. That’s a line I’ve never crossed. I’m intense, impulsive and sensitive enough in my sober state. Knowing how easy it was for me to abuse alcohol, I know that anything harder would’ve likely been disastrous for me.
There’s a real theme of resilience on this record.
There’s a part of me that’s a bit contrarian, that thrives on going against the grain and beating the odds. Telling me what I can’t do is like lighting a fire under me to go out and do just that. I’ll be the first to say I’ve been my own worst enemy. I have a self-destructive side that rears its ugly head from time to time. In the last few years I’ve spent time taking a step back and looking at that.
How did you start to make positive changes in your life?
Starting from a place of humility and gratitude >>
>> is a great way to drive the darkness out. That dark part of me dries up and blows away in the light of the truth. I have been exceedingly blessed in this life and it’s up to me whether I do something with it or not. We don’t choose a lot of things in this life, but one thing we have control over is our attitude. There have been plenty of moments over the past few years where I’ve had a poor attitude and that’s on me. Starting each day, I remind myself of all I have to be thankful for. That has put me in a more positive, less resentful headspace. It’s all been humbling. God knows I was aching for a dose of humility.
The songs on the album also suggest that you’re attracted to the wrong kind of guys! Relationships are like mirrors. My ex used to say that; I don’t know who he was quoting. Often, the closer we get to someone, the more we see of ourselves. Sometimes that can be terrifying. Sometimes it’s not the other person that sends us running away, it’s the mirror.
I’ll be the first to say I’ve been my own worst enemy. I have a selfdestructive side that rears its ugly head from time to time.
Are you dating at present?
[Smiles.] This is one of the few questions I’ve made a tradition of not answering.
Fair enough. What do you think your ex will make of this record?
I’ve thought about this. I’m not sure. I hope he’s doing okay out there.
What kind of men are you attracted to? Intelligent, hardworking men who value family and who know enough to know they’ll never know it all.
Do you see marriage and a family in your future?
It’s certainly a possibility. I’m not thinking about it too much yet, though, I know I should. She’s getting close to 30! [Laughs.]
You must get hit on constantly by guys after your shows – and maybe girls, too?
Only by lesbians! [Laughs.] I’m not totally kidding. It seems a disproportionate number of lesbians have hit on me more aggressively after my shows than gay men. I’m pretty relaxed about it – up to a point.
Some of the greatest country musicians – Patsy Cline, Dolly Parton, kd lang – tell stories of major heartache. Are you following in that tradition?
Life inevitably involves suffering and heartbreak, so it’s natural for these things to come up in my music, and the work of other
people. But, as I’ve said many times, I’ve never considered myself a country artist per se. I mean, you’ve heard this new record; there’s very little country influence except on You Or The Music.
There are a few references to your father.
As gay men we often have complicated relationships with our fathers. Usually there’s a lot of hurt and anger and misunderstanding. It’s important to forgive those who have hurt us, even if they never really understand what they did, or how much it hurt. It’s something we need to let go of for ourselves. That can seem impossibly hard sometimes, but time is the ultimate healer.
Did you feel any pressure on yourself to raise the bar with this second album?
I just wanted to write an album that accurately reflected what I was feeling at the time, and I think I did that. [Laughs.]
Have you ever felt that your good looks have stopped people taking you seriously as a musician?
I appreciate the talent of many artists out there. Some of those artists I also find very goodlooking and I still enjoy their music for what it is. At the end of the day the quality of the music has to be there. I think my work stands on its own. What are the issues closest to your heart? First, of course, I’m a big advocate of LGBT rights. More generally I believe all humans should have the right to do, say and be anything they want to be. Freedom of speech is one of the most crucial foundation principles of a liberal, free society and that will always be something I’ll fight for.
When you’re not making music what do you like to do?
I like to learn. I end up binge watching videos on YouTube on all different topics –science, technology. Lately I’ve made a point of limiting my time on YouTube and the internet from 10pm to 12pm. I’ve been reading more books. Are we likely to see you do a world tour in support of this album?
I will go wherever this album takes me! I suggest folks follow me on bandsintown.com/stevegrand. It’s a great app that notifies you when your favourite artists are coming to town. I’ll be performing in Provincetown (USA) all summer long from July 5 to September 7. For folks who haven’t been to P-Town, I highly recommend it. It’s a magical place – a very friendly, loving, positive atmosphere.
You sound like you’re in a pretty good place right now.
After years of banging my head against the wall I’m slowly learning to treat myself like someone I care about. [Laughs.]
That dark part of me dries up and blows away in the light of the truth.