DNA Magazine - - CONTENT - Found­ing Ed­i­tor, An­drew Creagh AN­DREW CREAGH

Ev­ery­thing is about sex ex­cept sex, which is about power.” This quote is of­ten at­trib­uted to Os­car Wilde but, while most schol­ars dis­pute this, who­ever did say it was on to some­thing.

I’m sit­ting at a ta­ble in a busy pub at lunchtime, eat­ing with a work col­league, a woman who is un­usu­ally at­trac­tive. A stranger, a man, comes up to our ta­ble and slides a piece of folded pa­per to­wards my friend. He doesn’t speak, and then walks away. My col­league slides the pa­per un­der a drink coaster and con­tin­ues chat­ting as though noth­ing has hap­pened.

“What’s that about?” I ask.

“That’ll be his phone num­ber,” she says. I’m stunned. “What? How do you know?” She un­fold­ers the pa­per and shows me. Sure enough, there’s no mes­sage – just his name and a phone num­ber.

“Does this hap­pen of­ten?” I ask.

“Ev­ery day,” she says.

I ex­pect she’s ex­ag­ger­at­ing, but I ask her how she feels about this and she shrugs as though it’s so com­mon to her that it’s mean­ing­less. Nev­er­the­less, I sense that it’s some­thing of a bur­den. And she wasn’t ex­ag­ger­at­ing. I was with her on nu­mer­ous other oc­ca­sions when it hap­pened again.

That was over 20 years ago, be­fore every­one had ac­cess to the in­ter­net, be­fore smart phones and Tindr. A few weeks ago, I was shoot­ing a DNA fash­ion story with a gor­geous male model who has an in­ter­na­tional pro­file, and he said that some­thing sim­i­lar hap­pens to him, ev­ery day, but on so­cial me­dia.

Ev­ery day, he’s sex­u­ally propo­si­tioned. Mostly it’s guys try­ing their luck for a dick pic, a dirty chat or a hook-up. But it’s of­ten more in­volved propo­si­tions along the lines of, “Let me fly you to Paris for the week­end…” He says he’s pretty good at sort­ing the gen­uine of­fers from the time-wasters but he’s hit-up for sex by men he doesn’t know ev­ery sin­gle day.

What do these two sto­ries have in com­mon? One, that many men don’t re­alise that sex­ual at­trac­tion needs to be re­cip­ro­cal be­fore sex hap­pens. And, two, that some men think sex can be at­tained through the flaunt­ing of wealth and power. The #metoo and #time­sup move­ment have made it clear that men, gay and straight, have trou­ble keep­ing it in their pants.

I’m not mak­ing judge­ments and, damn, part of me wishes I was be­ing hit on for sex ev­ery day and flown to Paris for it. Though, of course, it would get tire­some and, I sus­pect, make it hard to meet any­one who was ac­tu­ally gen­uine, and so form a re­la­tion­ship.

Let’s not fool our­selves, sex has al­ways been trans­ac­tional to some de­gree. Wher­ever there’s a power im­bal­ance, there’s the op­por­tu­nity to use sex as a bar­gain­ing chip or, as Pat Be­natar said, as a weapon. How of­ten do we hear the phrase “the bat­tle of the sexes” and how fre­quently are we re­minded in pop­u­lar cul­ture that men pur­sue sex while women hold out.

It’s here that gay sex comes out on top! There is no gen­dered power im­bal­ance be­tween same-sex part­ners. (Al­though there may be other im­bal­ances like age, wealth, health, etc). But we are bliss­fully un­touched by the gen­dered sex strug­gle. And I think this is why many gay cou­ples are able to suc­cess­fully open their re­la­tion­ships, ne­go­ti­ate their sex­ual needs and de­sires with their part­ners, and ex­plore their fan­tasy lives un­judged. Sex be­tween men can be the ex­pres­sion of a deep emo­tional bond, or a one-off cum-and-go en­counter to sat­isfy a lusty de­sire. Our straight friends, cour­tesy of Tindr, are only just dis­cov­er­ing what gen­er­a­tions of gay men have known.

This month we cel­e­brate gay sex. How to do it well: Cameron McCool be­gins his new reg­u­lar sex col­umn, Your Best Sex Move. What to wear: Chris­tian Scott shoots hot model Brandy Mar­tig­nago for our Bed Time fash­ion spread and the cover. How to ex­plore sex: Jack Ladd re­calls a cooly kinky en­counter. And how badly sex can go: brace your­self for a nasty story from Marc An­drews in Ber­lin! There’s also a fun prod­uct re­view on some cur­rent sex toys.

We also have a host of other great fea­tures: an ex­clu­sive in­ter­view with Sally Field’s son Sam Greis­man, we speak to Chris Cs­abonyi who sur­vived ex-gay ther­apy, catch up with Hol­ly­wood ac­tor Chris Sal­va­tore, re­view Priscilla and bring you a racy shoot with one of its buff stars, visit gay-friendly Colom­bia and show­case the pho­to­graphic sex­ual fan­tasies of Joel Dev­ereux.

DNA – keep­ing it sexy and smart.

Gay sex comes out on top! There’s no gen­dered power im­bal­ance be­tween same-sex part­ners.

Brandy Mar­tig­nago for our Bed Time fash­ion spread and cover.

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