SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!

There’s no “one size fits all” rule when it comes to choos­ing the right toy for your butt.

DNA Magazine - - CONTENTS - WITH CAMERON MCCOOL

There’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to choos­ing the right toy for your butt.

DID YOU HEAR about the man went to the emer­gency room to have a 23-inch dildo fished out of his ass? This isn’t even a joke. The thing was so big, doc­tors had to in­vent a new con­trap­tion to com­plete the surgery.

As this guy learned the hard way, ev­ery ass­hole is unique and there’s no “one size fits all holes” rule to fol­low when choos­ing the right im­ple­ment for your anus.

If you’re new to the won­der­ful world of shov­ing toys up your ass, here are a few tips to help you find the best fit for your pre­cious hole.

FOR BE­GIN­NER BOT­TOMS…

If you want to loosen your­self up be­fore you move into the big league, start with a train­ing dildo. Train­ing dil­dos don’t look like re­al­is­tic penises. They’re of­ten shaped in a form that’s easy to insert (small, tapered butt plug with a base), and they can come in packs of three sizes: tiny, medium and reg­u­lar.

DONG OR DILDO: WHAT’S BET­TER?

Dil­dos have a base. Dongs do not. One isn’t nec­es­sar­ily bet­ter than the other, but keep in mind that hav­ing a flared base or fake tes­ti­cles at the end of your anal toy can help pre­vent the toy from dis­ap­pear­ing deep in­side you.

AVOID HAV­ING EYES BIG­GER THAN YOUR BUTT

Un­less you’re a fan of anal fis­sures, big­ger isn’t al­ways bet­ter. So, when it comes to choos­ing the size of your anal toy, how big is too big?

If you’re an ex­pe­ri­enced bot­tom, you prob­a­bly know how many inches you can take in­side you be­fore your eyes start to bug out. If you’re new to the world of anal play and you’re not sure, err on the side of cau­tion. Think back to your pre­vi­ous sex­ual en­coun­ters for clues. How big was the cock of your best fuck? How big was “too big”?

The first dildo I ever bought was one of those gi­gan­tic, thick, dou­ble-ended dongs. I’m talk­ing 18-inches end-to-end. Hav­ing seen porn stars take it like a pro, I thought my hole would surely en­joy it, too. Wrong! It was too wide to fit in­side me. And, be­cause it was tech­ni­cally de­signed for two peo­ple, it was also way too long. I threw it in the trash af­ter one at­tempt. May it rest in peace.

FLY­ING SOLO OR PLAY­ING WITH A FRIEND?

If you’re go­ing be us­ing the toy all on your lone­some, find some­thing that suc­tion caps onto a wall.

If your anal toy ses­sions are more of a team sport, then it’s prob­a­bly a good idea to buy a toy that has a han­dle or wide base. Lube can make things slip­pery, and toys can dis­ap­pear faster than you can say, “Oh, my god, where the fuck did it go?”

You can also get butt toys that bring plea­sure to you and the lucky guy who’s fuck­ing you, like the Raw Pup from Fort Troff. It’s a butt plug for you, and a fuck­able sleeve for the top.

TOO DEEP TOO SOON? TRY A PROSTATE MASSAGER IN­STEAD

If larger, longer toys are too much to han­dle, or you just want some va­ri­ety in your toy box, prostate mas­sagers are the way to go. They’re shorter than a reg­u­lar dildo and an­gled to en­sure they hit your prostate just so. Prostate stim­u­la­tion can lead to some of the most in­tense or­gasms you’ll ever ex­pe­ri­ence with­out even touch­ing your dick, es­pe­cially when some­one else is in con­trol of the mas­sag­ing.

TO BEAD OR NOT TO BEAD

Anal beads are de­signed to in­crease plea­sure dur­ing cli­max. Insert them dur­ing fore­play and pull them out just be­fore you or­gasm.

Some peo­ple like to have the beads pulled out slowly, oth­ers want them yanked out fast. It comes down to con­text and per­sonal pref­er­ence. If it’s your first time tak­ing beads for a spin, start with a smaller set that has a han­dle at the base. You can al­ways move on to ten­nis-ball sized beads in the fu­ture!

SIL­I­CONE, GLASS, PLAS­TIC?

Again, per­sonal pref­er­ence dic­tates. The ass­hole is a sen­si­tive, spe­cial snowflake. So gen­er­ally, the softer and smoother the bet­ter. Firmer toys with sharp edges can tear your ass­hole a new ass­hole, so care­fully ex­am­ine ev­ery toy be­fore you bring one home.

FOR THE LOVE OF LUBE

Keep in mind, even a “per­fect” anal toy can feel aw­ful if you aren’t prop­erly lubed up. Ap­ply and re-ap­ply qual­ity lube to the toy be­fore and dur­ing sexy­time. If you find the post­play clean-up to be im­pos­si­ble, buy a sex toy clean­ing so­lu­tion that re­moves lube and keeps ev­ery­thing hy­gienic.

How big is too big? If you’re new to anal play, err on the side of cau­tion.

MORE: Want to ask a ques­tion or make a sug­ges­tion for a fu­ture col­umn? Email Cameron

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