YOUR BEST SEX MOVE: MAILBOX

We answer your questions about sex and relationships. In coming months, we’ll publish some of your best sex stories!

You sent us your questions about sex, Cameron McCool takes a shot at the answers.

BABE, HOW ABOUT SEX… WITH A WOMAN?

Question: “I’m in a relationship with a man, who I love – how can I tell him I want to have sex with women sometimes and would he like to be involved?”

First of all: good for you, you big slut! Juuuust kidding. Everyone has fantasies and I’m happy to hear that you’re accepting and ready to explore yours. But here’s the kicker: if a fantasy is important to you and it stays unspoken, let alone unexplored, you may start to resent your partner for it.

Ultimately, you’ll have to “come out” to your partner about this one day. My advice: deal with the situation based on how you and your partner deal with everything else. If you tend to communicate openly about everything, you could just deal with it head on: “Babe, I had the hottest fantasy about us the other day and I wondered if you’d be into it…”

But if you two are more inclined to sweep big conversations under the rug, why not tiptoe your way into it? Find a movie where a gay couple has a threesome with a woman. Watch it together. Then talk about how you found “that scene”. Was it super-hot for him, too?

You could take it further with a porn scene of two men with a woman. Some involve two straight guys, but there are plenty of scenes with two bi guys and a woman. Gauge your partner’s reaction and go from there. Happy threesomes.

MY OUT OF REACH GUYS

Question: “Why do I keep falling for men who aren’t available? Straight guys, men in relationships, men leaving the country next week, men who aren’t in to me?”

Put bluntly: you’re in Hardcore Emotional Protection mode. If the object of your desire can’t pursue you back, then there’s precisely zero chance of them falling in love with you, dating you, and breaking your heart into smithereens when the relationship ends, thereby ruining your life. (Oh, the drama!)

I’m guessing that if “being attracted to unavailable men” has become a problem, it’s because you’re ready to quit your bullshit and give another relationship a go.

If you really, truly want to be attracted to someone who is available, you need to dig deep and figure out why you only get a boner for someone who can’t give you a boner back.

Maybe you haven’t healed from a past hurt. Maybe you’re set in your ways and, deep down, you don’t want a relationship. Perhaps you’re addicted to the rush of the honeymoon phase (the surge of love chemicals, all that hot sex).

Or maybe, just maybe, you’re a major asshole who needs to do a lot of work on himself and you’re not ready to admit that very few people are willing to put up with your bullshit.

Whatever the reason – keep digging until

Babe, I had the hottest fantasy about us the other day and I wondered if you’d be into it…

you find it. Once you know what’s up, you’ll be able to do something about it. (The video How To Choose A Partner Wisely from The School Of Life on YouTube unpacks this nicely.)

Oh, and heads up: this exercise in selfdiscovery is going to be really fucking hard. Because it will force you to do something about all of your own flaws and hurts. So, before you start rattling off the usual excuses (“But I’ve been hurt before! Relationships are hard! I’m just not turned on by guys who treat me well!”) – zip it, bitch. We’ve all been hurt!

If you’re serious about being attracted to someone who’s available and ready to treat you like a prince (and you, them), do the work. Figure it out. You’ve got this.

ANONYMOUS SEX PREFERRED

Question: “I only like anonymous sex. Is that bad? Does that mean I have intimacy issues?”

Yay! Anonymous sex is hot! As long as you’re taking care of your health and not hurting anyone in the process, you can ditch all of the guilt that’s causing you to wonder if you’re doing something bad.

Now, about the intimacy issues: you’ll need to examine other areas of your life to answer that question. For example, are you having lots of hot anonymous sex, but maintaining a loving, open relationship with your partner? Do you invest in close, intimate relationships with your friends? How’s your relationship with your family?

If intimacy abounds in other areas of your life, keep fuckin’ those nameless Johns, babe! And stop feeling so bad about it.

But if your life does lack intimate relationships across the board, then you might benefit from chatting with a professional. Intimacy issues can be caused by a variety of issues like OCD, depression, addiction, past relationship trauma… the list goes on, and it’s not super sexy. A trained counsellor can help unpack why intimacy doesn’t do it for you and get you back on track.

LET’S GO OUTSIDE

Question: “I’m really hot for the idea of having sex in public but I’m a scaredy cat! Where is a safe place to try it out? I was thinking the beach or the gym. But I’d love to do it on a bridge in broad daylight one day.”

A friend of mine does a thing with his partner called Sex Sunday. Periodically, they schedule Sex Sunday on the calendar and make it an adventure to go out and explore the city – and fuck at various pit stops. Going to a restaurant for lunch? Blowjob in the bathroom. Going on a hike in the woods? Anal on the cliffside.

Fucking on a bridge in broad daylight is pretty ambitious. If you’re new to this caper, start small and aim for somewhere less risky, like on the dancefloor at a fetish party, for example. Sometimes there are “safe-ish” locations where, although not legal, it’s socially accepted that gay men will fuck in public. Dick Dock in Provincetown is a good example (a wharf where gay men congregate to play).

The website Gays-Cruising.com will give you locations in your area. Beaches, parks, sand dunes, gay bars, bathroom stalls, changing rooms… the list goes on. Keep in mind that each location carries its own level of risk – the risk of getting caught, of getting fined, or even of violence.

Check the laws of the country in which you’re planning your encounter and make wise choices. If homosexuality happens to be illegal where you intend to fuck on a bridge in broad daylight, well… put your dick back in your pants and save that for another time.

MORE: Got a question about sex or relationships? Send it to Cameron: mybestsexmove@gmail.com. Do you have a super-hot, true sex story you’d like to share with DNA readers? Send it to Cameron: mybestsexmove@gmail.com. Follow Cameron on Instagram @cameron_ mccool)