OUR STRAIGHT MATES: HAMISH BLAKE

Hamish Blake is usu­ally part of a duo with Andy Lee but some­times he flies solo, danc­ing in gay clubs, pash­ing blokes and… over­heat­ing!

DNA Magazine - - CONTENT - BY MATTHEW MYERS

“I’ve pashed plenty of blokes!”

DNA: Along with Andy Lee, you’ve made a lot of TV. What are the mo­ments that stand out for you?

Hamish: For us, the per­fect mo­ments are where some­thing un­ex­pected hap­pens and we are gen­uinely laugh­ing. Once we went to a bar in Ja­pan where they had mon­keys as waiters. We weren’t ex­pect­ing that… I mean, see­ing a mon­key run­ning up to you and putting a beer on the ta­ble, well, it re­ally got us. We were in tears. Of all the peo­ple you’ve in­ter­view, has there been any­one spe­cial?

I can’t go past Tom Hanks. There’s al­ways a worry about meet­ing a hero, that they could turn out to be a jerk. But he turned out to be the great­est guy of all time. He was ex­actly as you’d hope Tom Hanks to be: folksy, charm­ing, and with a lot of time for ev­ery­one in the room.

Tell us about Pink; she tat­tooed your arm! Yes, she had carte blanche to do what­ever she wanted, tat­too-wise. I thought she’d do a dick and balls but the frog on a skate­board was some­thing she’d draw when grow­ing up and now it’s with me for­ever. She tat­tooed it be­fore go­ing on stage and, dur­ing the con­cert, said, “This is not go­ing to make sense to any­one else but I for­got to tell you, Hamish, don’t go in the shower with it for 24 hours.” I had a per­son­al­ized mes­sage in front of 25,000 peo­ple at Rod Laver Arena. That’s how good Pink is: she can stop her show for skin care!

Have you ever pashed a bloke?

Yes, many times. I kissed our ra­dio panel op­er­a­tor Cack­lin’ Jack on air, just to give him his first bloke kiss.

Who’s your best gay mate?

I’ve got a few so I don’t want to of­fend any­one. It’s a dead heat be­tween my mates Josh and

PK. I couldn’t split them be­cause they’re both ter­rific guys.

You must’ve been to gay club land in your time; any ad­ven­tures?

Yes, and I’m the worst dancer but al­ways wel­comed with open arms. The thing is, I go in as the worst dancer, I leave as the worst dancer, but al­ways pick up some moves. My big prob­lem is that I’ve only got a two-dance max­i­mum be­cause I have a ther­mo­stat is­sue.

A what?

I over­heat. I have two dances on and two off to avoid a sat­u­ra­tion mess! If I do three on, I’ll never cool down for the rest of the night. Maybe I should go to gay clubs more of­ten be­cause then I could dance in my undies and be rid of my ther­mo­stat is­sues. What song al­ways gets you danc­ing?

Danc­ing Queen. We did a gig the other night with Bjorn Again, ac­tu­ally, so I danced to a solid ABBA set!

Has any­one ever come out to you?

Not di­rectly, but grow­ing up in the ’80s I had mates who we knew were gay but we’d never had that con­ver­sa­tion. It was never like, “Guys, I’ve got to tell you some­thing.” Luck­ily, it was an era where they felt com­fort­able enough to just come out on their own terms in a grad­ual process.

You won a Gold Lo­gie in 2012, but also the Fugly Award for Spunki­est Male TV Per­son­al­ity back in 2008. That one must feel pretty spe­cial?

Oh, yes, that was much big­ger! That’s why if you look closely at my Gold Lo­gie ac­cep­tance speech I’m, like, oh well, once you’ve climbed Mount Ever­est you can’t be that ex­cited about Kosciuszko. Like any­one who goes through that ex­pe­ri­ence, it’s very flat­ter­ing, but you have to keep it in per­spec­tive. It’s a slow-horse race so, tech­ni­cally, you can win with 21 per­cent. It would be a mis­take to think it was unan­i­mous. I was very lucky to be there that year.

Who’s your diva?

Lady Gaga. Even pre-A Star Is Born, that Net­flix doco where she’s get­ting ready for the Su­per Bowl is un­be­liev­able. I’m unashamedl­y one of Gaga’s mon­sters now. It took me a while to come to the party but I think she’s amaz­ing. That doco tipped me over.

You’ve done nudie runs, a naked restau­rant, and dressed in women’s swimwear, but why the New York body­build­ing con­test?

Yes, well, I wanted to wear a G-string. I thought in body­build­ing they wore G-strings all the time, but this turned out to be, like, a fam­i­lyfriendly body-build­ing con­test! They made me get changed into a full-cheek speedo. I’ve also done tons of cross-dress­ing. In fact, last week­end, Andy and I were host­ing a car­ni­valethemed event and when we got our out­fits we said, “Where’s the pants?” It turned out what we thought were neck­laces were the skirts! I was glad we were wear­ing undies be­cause at first I thought we’d be free-balling it.

Have you ever had a wardrobe mal­func­tion? Many times! In women’s clothes, par­tic­u­larly, I’m sure I’ve shown peo­ple way too much. I also went through a bit of a fes­tive ro­tund stage in the US. I re­fused to be­lieve I was gain­ing weight. I split a lot of pants and popped a lot of but­tons in that era and the deaf­en­ing noise of split­ting seams is what led me to be­lieve I might have gained weight in Amer­ica.

Briefs, fit­ted box­ers or free-balling?

I’m a fit­ted-box­ers man. One thing that frus­trates me is not hav­ing enough undies or socks, so ev­ery now and then I’ll do an au­dit of my undie draw and I’ll throw them all out and buy, like, thirty pairs of the same. This stops me hav­ing favourites. Throw out all the old and start from scratch! You have to be bru­tal and just let them go. It’s lib­er­at­ing be­cause you have 20 or so pairs on a new, even foot­ing.

Can you ex­plain your role on Lego Masters? I’m not a judge, thank God. I’m there as a con­sumer or as a par­ent. I’ve played with Lego since I was a kid and now, as a dad, I’ve spent many af­ter­noons build­ing things with my son. I love the cre­ativ­ity. I’m there to di­rect traf­fic through the show with the chal­lenges and the con­tes­tants, but I then hand over to The Brick­man, who is an ac­tual Lego ex­pert.

The Brick­man? Sounds like a Pulp Fic­tion char­ac­ter.

Yeah! He has a real name but I don’t want to say it. I didn’t know what he’d be like. I thought if he’s a Lego Mas­ter we’d be com­ing from dif­fer­ent worlds but he’s the loveli­est, reg­u­lar guy. When we’re not film­ing, we talk about cricket and footy. I came to re­alise his skill is just like any artist’s. He’s a per­fect mix of en­gi­neer­ing and cre­ativ­ity.

You also have a new show com­ing up with Andy called Per­fect Hol­i­day.

Yes, it’s me and Andy trav­el­ling around mak­ing each other do dumb shit. We’re literally do­ing it be­cause we missed trav­el­ling and mak­ing Chan­nel Nine pay for our hol­i­days. It’s kind of our happy place, and some­thing we were do­ing be­fore we were on TV or ra­dio. We’d take weird road trips back in our uni days, and we’re ex­cited to still be do­ing it 20 years later.

I should go to gay clubs more of­ten be­cause I could dance in my undies and be rid of my ther­mo­stat is­sues!

DNA: Who would you turn gay for? Hamish: I’d be a Tom Hardy guy. My wife will think I’ve said this to an­noy her be­cause she’d leave me for Tom Hardy. So it’d be like a dou­ble-dag­ger to her: you’ve lost your hus­band and Tom Hardy’s now off the ta­ble!

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